I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure."
If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!
We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!
OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Florence NightinFAIL said:
Not medical related but did make me laugh until I cried...
"blah, blah, blah - that way, we can kill two stones with one bird".
Just getting the visual of a poor bird hurling towards two stones made me almost choke.
This is a person who always mangles idioms - but insists on using them.
My husband is notorious for messing up saying. Some of his "that's the pudding on the cake" "stuck between a rock and a bigger rock" "once in a full moon"
He seriously does NOT have a way with words. One time he was trying to be flirtatious and says "Honey, I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig" When he came to from me knocking him out he didn't get what he said wrong.
Daughter : "Did you give my dad something to make him poop?"
Me: "No I didn't, he went without me giving him anyting." "He has gone at least 2 other times today."
Daughter: "I didn't know you could poop if you wern't totally conscious."
Me: "You sure can."
An earlier conversation with daughter and pt wife
Daughter: "What is wrong with dad's bed? Why is it shaking like that?"
Me: "We have your dad on a bed to assist with Chest PT so we can help mobilize the secretions in his lungs."
Daughter: "Oh my I have never ever seen this before. I had no idea beds were around that did those things."
These people have apparently never visited much in a hospital. They are really nice people, but I wasn't prepared for them to freak out with the chest PT going.
When my mother was in the hospital after a TIA, I overheard my sister tell a friend on the phone that our mother had a TMI. I asked her if she really just told that person that our mother had a "too much information"???
My favorite is when people self-diagnose themselves by looking online. "Well I was feeling fatigued & nauseous, so I looked it up and found out I probably have: _______."
What, you don't do this??? I do it. Or I look it up in textbooks. The key is not to admit it to anyone. Just lead the doctor along and make him/her think they thought of it first.
While taking classes in Nursing School, I worked as an aide on a general surgery unit and was given my assignment for the day. One of the room I was assigned to had an elderly lady so I went to introduce myself and let her know what time I would be in to help her wash. She then says to me, "I just have to let you know that I have really careful washing up, I have a member that just came out a few days ago!"...I was in complete shock, so I went to the nurse and asked what in the world she was talking about. Turned out she had a prolapsed uterus!
Specializes in ortho, urology, neurosurgery, plastics.
Great thread. Some of the staff members should gather and collate the anecdotes and write a book. I have heard numerous "malapropisms" over the years. One cute one that comes to mind:
A student nurse was sharing a popsicle with one of the elderly patients and she (student) was holding it right on her lap. I commented to her (naughtily, I'm sure) "it looks phallic". her reply to me was "no it's grape". Exit stage left post-haste for me.
Specializes in Oncology; med/surg; geriatric; OB; CM.
:heartbeatThis reminds me of a story that my mother told me years ago about when my dad had his laminectomy in 1962. When mom went to see him in his room following surgery she found him crying. Worried, she asked him what was wrong; was he in pain, etc. He looked up at her and said "they told me during surgery to keep me from urinating they had to CASTRATE ME!" My mother asked the nurse what he was talking about....of COURSE he meant catheterized but in his groggy state he heard castrated! Almost 50 years later I still tease him about it! Love you Dad!
I always encouraged my sons to use proper terms for body parts and functions. One day when he was about 6 my one son came in the house and said, "I know girls have lady partss, but what do you call the part you can see?" "The vulva?" "Yeah, that's right, I knew it!" Anxious to see where this info was going, I waited by the patio door and overhead him announce triumphantly to his friend, "I told you, Robbie, girls have volvos!"
When I was in nursing school taking a history for a doc, the woman told me she'd had a bilateral tubal ligation. I dutifully wrote BLT on her gyn hx. After seeing her the doc slapped the chart in my hands and said, "Personally I don't care WHAT she had for lunch, just what her medical history is." Took me the longest time to figure out the abbreviation was BTL, not BLT!
Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.
I saw a student LPN chart that the IV was INFILTRATING as ordered, of course she meant infusing, but I have to wonder what an attorney would say if that chart went to trial????
My grandmother, wonderful little irish spitfire, could not say the word, "bruise". She would say BOOZE.. LOL.
~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN
5,259 Posts
My husband is notorious for messing up saying. Some of his "that's the pudding on the cake" "stuck between a rock and a bigger rock" "once in a full moon"
He seriously does NOT have a way with words. One time he was trying to be flirtatious and says "Honey, I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig" When he came to from me knocking him out he didn't get what he said wrong.