I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure."
If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!
We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!
OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?
"She won't eat anything, and she's been runnin' off for two days." (I had a bit of a time figuring out just where this bed-ridden granny could be running off to...)
"Naw, but I went to vomickin..." (Stated in reply to my asking if she had traveled outside of the US recently. Took me a couple of beats of trying to figure out where exactly "vomickin" was located for me to realize that she had changed the subject back to her symptoms.)
Me: "Do you have high blood pressure?" Pt: "No."
Me: "Okay, so, why do you take, norvasc, labetolol, etc.?" Pt: "Well, I take that so I don't have high blood pressure."
Written on the chief complaint form:
"New mornia"
"Bumps, epidermis hurting" (I'm expecting an awful rash of some sort... Nope, pt had epididymitis)
"Virginia problems"
"lady parts jumping" (Apparently, pt had a UTI)
"Bit by vampire" (patient's brother had convinced him that he had been bitten on the neck by a vampire bat. Nevermind that there were no puncture wounds, lacerations, or even pain at the site... I had to fight the urge to warn him to watch for photosensitivity, enlarging teeth, and cravings for human blood)
Specializes in orto/neuro; LTC, rehab-inpt. med/surg.
I accepted a written application from a CNA trying to get a job in LTC. She had answered the question:" Do you have any other special skills you would like us to know about?" with this: "I can do Ranger Motion"! I have LOL at that for years! Yes! We should write a book!
When my husband was a patient in the cardiac ICU he received a get-well card from his co-workers--addressed to him in the "Cardiac Arrest Unit." OMG I hope not!!
Specializes in Oncology; med/surg; geriatric; OB; CM.
JustMe said:
When my husband was a patient in the cardiac ICU he received a get-well card from his co-workers--addressed to him in the "Cardiac Arrest Unit." OMG I hope not!!
Many years ago, I was doing the discharge inventory for a resident in the long-term care facility. I was able to check off most everything, but one thing stumped me for sure and try as I might, I couldn't find one item. Fortunately, the nurse who had written the admission inventory was there that evening so I went and asked her, "Carol, I simply can't find this green and yellow Afrikan on the list. Have you seen him running around anywhere?" Poor thing, I'm not sure that she ever figured it out, but I still laugh at it 20 years later.
The grown children of an elderly lady told me that "they did an MRI and she has organic matter in her brain." I just pictured lettuce growing up in there.
A patient was on the phone trying to repeat her convo with the doc about her ulcers being caused by h. pylori. "He said I got it when I was a kid out eating dirt." Um, okay....
Specializes in L&D; GI; Fam Med; Home H; Case mgmt.
I know I have many but can't bring any to mind at this late hour.
Well, one thing I run into a lot in my line of nursing is, when I'm interviewing/assessing a patient whose case I am opening (home care) I ask if they have any trouble voiding. If they look at me funny I say "urinating". If they still look at me funny I say "passing water." The older patients always look relieved at the familiar term and say "OH, PASSING WATER!". I've taken to just using that expression with our older clients. You may call it water, but don't drink it...
I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure."
If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!
We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!
OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?
iggyEDRN
20 Posts
Gems from ER triage:
"She won't eat anything, and she's been runnin' off for two days." (I had a bit of a time figuring out just where this bed-ridden granny could be running off to...)
"Naw, but I went to vomickin..." (Stated in reply to my asking if she had traveled outside of the US recently. Took me a couple of beats of trying to figure out where exactly "vomickin" was located for me to realize that she had changed the subject back to her symptoms.)
Me: "Do you have high blood pressure?" Pt: "No."
Me: "Okay, so, why do you take, norvasc, labetolol, etc.?" Pt: "Well, I take that so I don't have high blood pressure."
Written on the chief complaint form:
"New mornia"
"Bumps, epidermis hurting" (I'm expecting an awful rash of some sort... Nope, pt had epididymitis)
"Virginia problems"
"lady parts jumping" (Apparently, pt had a UTI)
"Bit by vampire" (patient's brother had convinced him that he had been bitten on the neck by a vampire bat. Nevermind that there were no puncture wounds, lacerations, or even pain at the site... I had to fight the urge to warn him to watch for photosensitivity, enlarging teeth, and cravings for human blood)