Feeling discouraged

Davey Do · Jan 29, 2017

does anyone have any advice?

I'm sorry that sensitive people, like yourself Zerocks, are the victims of others who need to assert their low self esteem through putting others down.

My wife, Belinda, is a very calm, easy going person. For 17 years she worked running a lab for a group of docs who respected her and were generally kind to her. Then, about 10 years ago she became an RN and works med/surg. She and I had long talks about how to deal with abrasive personalities and Belinda has come a long way. She's more assertive, but still has that sweet pesonality of hers.

My requested advice to you, if you want to stay in nursing become more assertive, is to immerse yourself in your goal. Live it, breathe it, sleep it. There are all sorts of resources out there if you only look.

Personally, I took the "fake it 'til make it" tact. I watched, emulated, and acted the part until who I wanted to be became woven into the very fabric of who I am.

You can do it, Zerocks- if you want it bad enough.

The very best to you!

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jan 29, 2017

She said to be a nurse you have to be outgoing, social, and make friends with the "right" people. "You have to be aggressive because those women are vicious". She said those people get the big paychecks, the promotions, the best shifts, and told me I'd be doing grunt work and getting the worst patients and shifts assigned to me with my personality.

I am introverted with a reserved personality. I am definitely not outgoing or social, nor do I have the charisma or charm to make fast friends with people.

However, I have been a nurse for more than a decade. I also have a nice desk job with flexible hours and absolutely no so-called 'grunt' work. Basically, you get out of a career whatever you put into it.

I sit in the back of the classroom, because when I sit up front people just move my stuff and take my seat. I don't have any friends in class.

It appears that you lack assertiveness. Most other people, including me, would have told a classmate to stop moving my things and find another seat if they dared to attempt that nonsense.

It also seems you have low self-worth. A person who values herself would fight for her place in this world. By rolling over and permitting classmates to take your seat and move your things out of the way without you once declaring, "I am sitting there," you give off a vibe to the rest of world that you do not matter are are not worth much.

We teach people how to treat us. Remember that. Good luck to you.

BubbyBoogs · Jan 29, 2017

I know someone just like you and I also had this problem when I was younger. She doesn't know how to defend herself and always apologizes when they say she is wrong even though in my opinion she did it right. She always asks me how do I get away with doing stuff when she got in trouble for them. The simple answer is I learned not to back down. If I believe that I am actually right I will defend myself. This was a hard lesson for me to learn I used to do everything for an old supervisor I had then I realized I was doing her job and she was taking the credit while saying that I did nothing. I ended up with a very bad reputation even though it was based on lies. I got suspended for 3 days for something that wasn't completely my fault and I just let them do it to me. That is not okay. If you know how to do something you say yes I am confident that I will do a good job. If a student sits in your seat and pushes your stuff to the side you say you are sitting in my seat do not touch my stuff. They will learn that you deserve respect. It is hard for introverted people like us and changing behaviors takes a lot of energy but it is absolutely worth it. I am happier as a person now that I put myself first. It is not selfish it is a way of survival.

flufffyo1 · Jan 29, 2017

Oh my gosh! You describe me very well except in my head, I don't see myself as shy and reserve but in other people's head, they think I'm shy and reserve. Makes no sense. I think there's common misconception that if you're quiet, they think you have no back bone and can't do anything for yourself. To that, I say BS! You learn what you need to learn and when the chance comes up, fight for your learning opportunities. Focus #1 on your patients and #2 on your skills/knowledge as a nurse. Everything else comes with time and experience. It's hard at first especially if you feel like you need to prove to others about your capabilities but in my opinion, you don't have to compromise your personality and dignity to please others. Be proud to be who you are and when you're proficient, show it to others and they'll eventually have your back. I refuse to suck up to people and pretend to be someone else just because others do not like my quiet nature. Life is too short to care so much about what others think of you, especially if you've done nothing wrong. About the friend situation in class though, that takes some initiative on your part. Though I used to not approach people, I now approach others that seem like a quiet soul like myself. Now I have plenty of trusted friends surrounding me and knows how I am as a person. Look for those people, they are everywhere and they can probably understand you better. As for working, if a hospital has nurses that are vicious and go after the quiet people, run away from that hospital ASAP. That's not a healthy workplace environment for anyone!

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Jan 30, 2017

Sometimes you can just fake it to instill confidence. You seem caring and intelligent and I sense you will be a good nurse.

Mavrick, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2017

I sit in the back of the classroom, because when I sit up front people just move my stuff and take my seat. I don't have any friends in class. I shouldn't care, but with everyone's comments combined it is a bit disheartening. I'm not sure how to change things or appear more confident- because apparently I'm defective; my eyes are too big and my voice is too high. I know I should just put on my big girl panties and buck up- but does anyone have any advice? I've been called Josaphine from Scrubs

How can anyone move your stuff and take your seat if you are sitting in it??

Yes, you are defective if you think everyone is going to be nice to you. People are usually self obsessed and don't care about others near as much as themselves.

You can get respect by acting as if you deserve it. You are being treated like a rug because you lie down first. You obviously reek of insecurity if multiple strangers have no confidence in you. If you can't convey that you know what you are doing I don't want you taking care of me or my family. You're scary.

You need to get with it and make the second half your nursing education more productive or you will have indeed wasted everyone's time.

Workitinurfava, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2017

You can learn to be strong but that is up to you. The lady helped you out by giving you some truths about the nursing field. Now decide if you are up to it. We can't really do that for you.

Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2017

Have you considered how your personality can be your strength? There is no rule that you have to work in a hospital! How about home health nursing (one-on-one)? Or school nurse (dealing with kiddos)? or wound-care nursing, or any other of the plethora of avenues that nurses can take?

I can say if I was in your class, you would have a friend because I cannot bare to see someone being left out of a group!

KatMill2312 · Jan 30, 2017

Still waters run deep. I feel like that may describe you, I am similar in several ways. However, like others have said, there's a distinct difference between quiet and reserved and someone with low self esteem and lack of confidence. I think you may be the later. My advice? Trust yourself, if you know the skills/information, own it. Stop allowing others to walk all over you and tell you who and what you are. You will have to be able to instill confidence in your patients otherwise they will never let you treat them.

Like others have done, fake it till you make it. And for goodness' sake, stand up for yourself and sit where you want!

Best of luck!

amzyRN · Jan 30, 2017

See this as a challenge and an opportunity for growth. Isn't that exciting! It will push you out of your shell. I am also kind of shy, soft-spoken and introverted and I'm an ER nurse. There's room for all types of personalities. Just because of those personality traits doesn't mean I lack confidence or can't speak up for myself as I have learned those traits to during my time as a nurse.

You'll have to practice not internalizing every comment made to you. You'll have to find enough compassion for yourself and self-care that will improve your confidence. Self-love and self-respect boost confidence. There might be a self-help book for self esteem improvement available on amazon, check it out.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 30, 2017

I'm halfway done with nursing school and I can't help but feel a bit lonely and discouraged. I'm not particularly social. I'm introverted, soft spoken, and I'm told it shows negatively in clinical.
I had a patient my nurse told me to sit with while she took her lunch, and there was a CNA/ sitter in the same room with a different patient. She was a very kind, older woman with a southern accent, and told me she had been a CNA for 32 years. After a short conversation, she asked me why on earth I wanted to be a nurse. She went on to tell me I was too sweet and she couldn't see me as a nurse. She said "Sugar, those nurses eat people like you alive". She said to be a nurse you have to be outgoing, social, and make friends with the "right" people. "You have to be aggressive because those women are vicious". She said those people get the big paychecks, the promotions, the best shifts, and told me I'd be doing grunt work and getting the worst patients and shifts assigned to me with my personality. She said "Oh honey, you're going to get run over" as she laughed.
I've had two professors approach me and tell me I'm not confident enough. I've had classmates walk up to me and ask if I'm "ok". When I've asked why I've been told I have big eyes, so I always looked like a scared doe, or like I'm about to cry. I guess that's just my face?
When the nurses ask if I can do a procedure and I say yes, I always get the "Hmm well let's just have you watch this time". I've had patients question my age even though I'm in my late 20's. "Are you sure you're old enough to be a nurse?" I admit I have a high pitched voice, and look a bit younger than I am. They compliment my smile and how sweet I am- then request the nurse insert their Foley/ NG instead of the "little student nurse".
I sit in the back of the classroom, because when I sit up front people just move my stuff and take my seat. I don't have any friends in class. I shouldn't care, but with everyone's comments combined it is a bit disheartening. I'm not sure how to change things or appear more confident- because apparently I'm defective; my eyes are too big and my voice is too high. I know I should just put on my big girl panties and buck up- but does anyone have any advice? I've been called Josaphine from Scrubs

If your voice is too high to be taken seriously, lower it. A high, squeaky voice is the result of being tense or anxious. You can work on having a calmer, more relaxed voice. Just pay attention, practice at home. Work on keeping your shoulders down and back rather than hunched up and forward -- it relaxes you somewhat and hopefully lowers your voice.

As a nurse, you need to be an advocate for your patient. You shouldn't have to change your personality, but you do have to be assertive on behalf of your patient. You're going to have to learn to be assertive, introvert or not. If the nurses ask if you can do a procedure, act confident -- you can do this. Don't behave as if you're frightened of them. You teach people how to treat you, and by tolerating negative treatment, you're teaching people to treat you that way. Stop it.