Zerocks

A few days ago a person posted on a trade site about an individual "Mr. Smith" who had paid her with a hot check. Multiple people chimed in saying that Mr. Smith had also paid them with a hot check. The name looked familiar. I too chimed in and mentioned at my old job Mr. Smith had paid with a hot check and we were instructed not to take any checks from him. I remembered incorrectly. It was insurance that didn't cover him and she refused to pay the balance after waking about with material he owed for. The man somehow found out where I worked before, the office, and is now threatening a HIPAA violation toward the employer and me. He has sent multiple harassing messages. I'm a student and not yet a practicing nurse. I'm sleep deprived and wasn't thinking. Could his affect me? Should I be worried? My previous employer contacted me saying the man was filing a HIPAA violation toward both me and the office I worked for. All I said was that he had paid in bad checks and we were told not to take any from him- which isn't even true, it was insurance overage he owed for and refused to pay. Does he have any ground to stand on? I haven't worked this job for over two years.

I'm halfway done with nursing school and I can't help but feel a bit lonely and discouraged. I'm not particularly social. I'm introverted, soft spoken, and I'm told it shows negatively in clinical. I had a patient my nurse told me to sit with while she took her lunch, and there was a CNA/ sitter in the same room with a different patient. She was a very kind, older woman with a southern accent, and told me she had been a CNA for 32 years. After a short conversation, she asked me why on earth I wanted to be a nurse. She went on to tell me I was too sweet and she couldn't see me as a nurse. She said "Sugar, those nurses eat people like you alive". She said to be a nurse you have to be outgoing, social, and make friends with the "right" people. "You have to be aggressive because those women are vicious". She said those people get the big paychecks, the promotions, the best shifts, and told me I'd be doing grunt work and getting the worst patients and shifts assigned to me with my personality. She said "Oh honey, you're going to get run over" as she laughed. I've had two professors approach me and tell me I'm not confident enough. I've had classmates walk up to me and ask if I'm "ok". When I've asked why I've been told I have big eyes, so I always looked like a scared doe, or like I'm about to cry. I guess that's just my face? When the nurses ask if I can do a procedure and I say yes, I always get the "Hmm well let's just have you watch this time". I've had patients question my age even though I'm in my late 20's. "Are you sure you're old enough to be a nurse?" I admit I have a high pitched voice, and look a bit younger than I am. They compliment my smile and how sweet I am- then request the nurse insert their Foley/ NG instead of the "little student nurse". I sit in the back of the classroom, because when I sit up front people just move my stuff and take my seat. I don't have any friends in class. I shouldn't care, but with everyone's comments combined it is a bit disheartening. I'm not sure how to change things or appear more confident- because apparently I'm defective; my eyes are too big and my voice is too high. I know I should just put on my big girl panties and buck up- but does anyone have any advice? I've been called Josaphine from Scrubs

I'm very ashamed of what I'm about to write. So ashamed, in fact, I took the time to make a new username. I don't expect anyone to care, to respond, or to understand. I guess I'm sort of writing it out for self comfort, or perhaps out of desperation. I know it is very long. I don't expect anyone to solve my problems, just a place to vent. I've had emotophobia my entire life. I'm not sure how I developed it, but it has controlled my life since I was a child. Emetophobia is the fear of vomit. Not only fear or someone vomiting around me, but of vomiting myself. My chest physically hurts, palms get sweaty, dry mouth, uncontrollable crying, hyperventilating, uncontrollable trembling, and stuttering to the point where people can't understand me. I want to get as far from the situation as possible. I decided to become a nurse when my best friend was put on life support. He was septic and went into acute respiratory failure. The nurses were my heroes; so strong, so kind, so intelligent, observant, so comforting, so passionate, and so quick. I wanted to be a nurse, and immediately felt it was my calling. He lived through it miraculously, we dated, and eventually got married this past November. Last Wednesday I found out I was pregnant. We were not trying. I start my next semester of nursing school this week. I have been having panic attacks daily. I spend all day crying, and trying desperately not to vomit. I am so nauseated I feel I may vomit any second. Forcing myself to eat is like having a hangover (never had one, assuming here) and having someone put a pile of feces in front of you, and telling you that you'll feel better if you just eat it. My stomach hurts horribly if I don't eat, it hurts even worse when I do. I have bloating, diarrhea, but feel constipated. My panic attacks feel like heart attacks. I feel like I am literally going to die, throw up, or both. I don't feel any bonding toward the baby I'm growing. In fact, I feel resentful, depressed, absolutely terrified, and want nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up again. My husband has been nothing but supportive and is over the moon happy about the baby. I am on promethazine but only take it once a day in the evening because it makes me so sleepy. I can't imagine taking it at 5am to get ready for 8 hours of clinicals. I can't imagine forcing myself to eat every hour during busy clinicals and lecture. I was hoping in nursing school I would have exposure to someone getting sick, and I could be superwoman again. I was not ready for this, I can't do this. I don't know where to go or who to turn to. I secretly hope I just don't wake up. I am a coward. Has anyone dealt with anything similar?