Family members that follow you

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Nurses I really need advice on this one! During my 7a-7p shift I had a family member that would not use the call light! Everytime I looked up he was standing infront of me with the " I just have a quick question" So after about 4hours of this I decided to chart in a room. Who finds me........ he does! I even educated him thinking maybe he really doesn't know how to use the call light! At the end of my shift I thought to myself, other nurses experience this as well( I hope lol) I hate when family members feel the need to follow you instead of using the call light or just flat out ask a million questions! :uhoh3:

Specializes in Telemetry RN.

We've just had one of those families leave our SNF. Brought mother to our facility for PT/OT after a hospitalization, and there was a family member at the bedside 24/7, always taking notes. For a while they didnt cause too much trouble and actually helped with mother's care, ambulating her to the BR and so on. But then they would start finding things to fixate on and worry about excessively. To the point that they brought in her home glucose monitoring supplies to take BS at randomn intervals, and requested prn neb tx exactly 4 hours apart day and night whether or not mother wanted them or if lung assessment warrented them. Finally they raised a stink that the nurses weren't providing enough of mother's care, and if they weren't there, why nothing might get done at all! They might as well take her home! So they did. :yeah:

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Specializes in ER, progressive care.

Thankfully this hasn't happened to me...yet. I have, however, had family members tell me how to do my job and demand that things be done the moment they ask...even if it isn't a priority. :banghead: That annoys me...I try to make as much as possible for everyone, but when you have other patients it's hard.

And on a side note, this is why I love restricted visiting hours in the ICU...:D

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Specializes in FNP.

Ditto on loving restricted visiting. I have had people follow me. I'd just bring a chair and chart in the med room where they can't get in. And I didn't mind the people who take notes. I had nothing to hide, but I'd have been be g.dam.ned if someone was going to take my photo. I'd have called security and made them delete it.

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on the flip side, when my mom was in the hospital for 7 days of chemo, after a few days she started complaining of abd pain.

nurses kept on giving her percocet...

i watched this for a couple of days...had even palpated belly and auscultated bs...which were hyperactive and tinkling.

i had seen enough, and one day finally followed the day nurses, after she had casually dismissed mom's c/o, by giving pain meds.

not one nurse had bothered to assess her. not one.

(i hadn't left her side when she was inpatient).

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on the flip side, when my mom was in the hospital for 7 days of chemo, after a few days she started complaining of abd pain.

nurses kept on giving her percocet...

i watched this for a couple of days...had even palpated belly and auscultated bs...which were hyperactive and tinkling.

not one nurse had bothered to assess her. not one.

(i hadn't left her side when she was inpatient).

i had seen enough .

one day i finally followed the nurse after she left the room...

demanding to know why no assessment, why such disregard- i was clearly irritated.

sounding irritated herself, she respondeed with, "mrs. soandso, your mother is terminally ill (she had ALL). mpm opted for therapy, in spite of a dismal prognosis. we can only do so much." and walked away.

i stood there speechless.

after close to 4 days of this, i had reached my limit, and mom was crying, wondering why no one would take her seriously.

i demanded to see attending, and he listened to my entire story.

HE then assessed my mom, and agreed with my findings.

mom got an us, and diagnosed with colitis that had spread to her peritoneal cavity, and a day later was septic and had lost consciousness.

she was sent to icu, w/a ton of gtts running. she blew up like a balloon (still unconscious).

i had to get back to work (vacation over) and my first night back, i was called by the hosp that mom had deteriorated.

house sup found replacement, i left and booked early, early flight.

when i got there, i got latest updates, and onc and attending decided we needed family meeting.

my brother and i were there, with mom's husb, my husb, 2 dr's.

dr's trying to sell further tx, saying that IF she came around, she'd hopefully have 3-4 wks left, and she could say her goodbyes.

knowing my mom, she would NEVER EVER want to know she was terminal.

i pushed for dc'ing all tx, my brother agree, as did her husband.

it happened, and she died that day.

i'm so sorry for rambling, but i still get frustrated w/the whole experience.

i DO recognize that it was ultimately a blessing that mom died the way she did.

(i could see her whole body relax when the started the mso4 gtt, i held her until she died, half hour later.)

as a pt, her complaints were thoroughly blown off...because she was terminal???

bottom line...there are times that families will pester staff for a reason.

and sometimes, families really DO need to be listened to, and heard.

just saying.

leslie

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Leslie sorry for your loss.

And it is good to try and put yourself in the families position, bc I was there too when my father was dying. But some familes DO get out of control with questions and demands, it can be overwhelming!

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Leslie sorry for your loss.

And it is good to try and put yourself in the families position, bc I was there too when my father was dying. But some familes DO get out of control with questions and demands, it can be overwhelming!

thank you, best.

working inpt hospice, that is 50% of my job...understanding and addressing grieving, frightened, anxious, and often, hysterical families...

i also recognize that they are not the same as the demanding, annoying, entitled families who can make you pull your hair out.

imo, they just need downright limit-setting.

enough is enough, already.

leslie

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

Leslie: I agree sometimes we do need to listen, but there is also a limit I can put up with.

I always say there are 2 things I could do without to make me go from liking my job to absolutely loving it. That is family and charting. Family is by and far the biggest pain in the ass, even worse than the patient so many times. Family enables the pt to be lazy and not work towards rehab, family pushes that *(*(*@^!%! PCA button, family wont let the pt sleep during the day when you can see they are so tired.

*DISCLAIMER* This does not mean every family. There are plenty of families that I do get along with well and really are after the welfare of their family member.

I dont mind answering questions, sure everyone has them. i dont mind coming in when you say loved one is feeling bad, ok thats fine. But when you stand in the hallway and every time ANY nurse walks by you say something how blah blah blah and wont stop pestering them until either myself or someone else come in, then we have an issue.

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
ugh Jenni, been there done that! It is so nerve-wracking!

Tell me about it. Stupid notebook!

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
love when i go to the desk to page a dr over something important (we use text pages) and the crazy family mmember follows me there and starts complainign about how we "must be so busy" ont he computer etc. ahhhhhhhhhi want to tell them I am paging a doctor about a issue that might result in a rapid response not playing world of warcraft. ahhhhh

i hate that! we always get accused of not doing anything and just playing on the computer. We have text pages too, and our hospital is 100% computer, orders everything. So we are constantly on the computer. We also carry our own work cell phones, that are to only be used within the hospital. So i could have the doc call me directly, or call another nurse. we always get accused by families of being on our phones at work.

If they only knew that 75% of what we do is charting on a computer.

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
a few years ago it was all the rage for popular magazines to advise their readers that if they had a family member in the hospital, someone should sit at the bedside 24/7 with a notebook "to make sure no one makes a medical error." (i cancelled my subscriptions.) for months after those articles were published, people would sit at the bedside and record everything. then when cellphone cameras came out, they wanted to photograph the staff so they could document who "made the error." i had one family that would write down the vital signs, and if i recorded 123/70 instead of 126/70 (because the keys are so close) they'd want to talk to the manager about the "error." fortunately, folks have calmed down a bit about that!

um, wow. i'm pretty sure i would not allow my picture to be taken by any family member. my new plan of attack now is to say "no, we do not allow cell phones to be used in patient areas as it can interact with the equipment. if you wish to use your phone and take pictures, please do so in the family waiting area"

or.....my other plan of attack to handle that one would be to hold my fist with my middle finger sticking up right in front of my face!!!

only once has the notebook ever popped out, and yes there was someone there 24/7. he took the day shift, and his wife took the night shift but she thought it was a stupid idea and just wrote random things down to make her husband happy :) i liked working the night shift during this time.

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Would you be allowed to come out and say " I'm sorry but I find it difficult tending to the pt whith you standing over me and taking notes on my every movement." ?

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