I got into a debate with a high school friend on FB (I have since hidden his posts since I can't see his politics without raising my blood pressure) about this last summer.
I posted a link to an article about a girl sent home because she was wearing a sundress with spaghetti straps. Yes, she was out of dress code, but my point was that the dress code is overly restrictive and leads to body shaming for young women.
His argument was that men are biologically hard wired to look at women's bodies.
My argument was that why are we teaching our young women that they need to cover up instead of teaching our young men not to ogle.
I lost him when I asked "At what point does the man assume responsibility? When a young woman is on the stand being asked what she was wearing and if she'd been drinking?" He didn't see the connection.
As a woman I am annoyed at the idea that I should modify my behavior to accommodate the weakness of some man.
But how how can you not see the difference between: "men are biologically hard wired to look at women's bodies. " and women have the choice of how to dress?
This is not an exaggeration; men really are "cursed" by their biology to flare up at the sight of a woman.
I get it that progressive politics is all about what should be rather than what is but could we please take a little reality into account here and as women, shoulder the responsibility to be modest? Not wrapped in a black sack like a victim, but tastefully lovely in classic styles that emphasize beauty rather than flaunt lewdness.
Perhaps if instead of focusing so relentlessly on what separates us, we could focus on our shared goals? Don't we all want our daughters to grow up safe and sane? Let's focus on these goals.
Men should be offended to hear that some folks think they cannot control themselves or their gaze any more than a dog who smells a fresh steak.
Men are not hard wired to gawk at women. The sexualization of breasts is (by evolutionary standards) not that old. There are still societies where women do not routinely cover from the waist up and men are still able to function. There are high rates of sexual assault in societies where women are the most covered. The bare skin is not the problem.
We live in a society where breasts are over sexualized and it's been beaten into our young men's heads that "boys will be boys" which effectively absolves them of responsibility.
I DO want my daughters to grow up safe and sane without having to carry their drink to the bathroom without worrying about being drugged, without having to think that their clothing choice will be scrutinized if they are assaulted.
I also want my son to grow up knowing that women are not there for his visual and tactile pleasure.
I'm single and date frequently. I have found that there are many, many grown men who do not have any semblance of respectful boundaries. That is societal conditioning.
I was just called to the cafeteria for a FF Butt Cheek Police Offender. 14 year old girl. She was wearing jeans with "Bon Jovi" holes all over them. The holes did not expose crotch, butt or underwear, so I chose not to speak to the girl.
The Lunch Ladies were not pleased.
I said, "She's not breaking dress code, I have bigger fish to fry. If you need to take up up with the AP, do so."
With that, an 18 year old boy strolled past with his Vineyard Vines plaid boxers sticking out. The LLs didn't blink an eye.
I don't disagree with your POV, however, where is the line drawn? There are lots of teenage girls that will dress provocative ON PURPOSE because they WANT to get the attention of boys...
It's one thing to wear a comfortable sun dress or leggings and a t-shirt.... but again, where do we draw the line between dressing appropriately comfortable and dressing like you just walked off of a street corner?
I don't disagree with your POV, however, where is the line drawn? There are lots of teenage girls that will dress provocative ON PURPOSE because they WANT to get the attention of boys...
It's one thing to wear a comfortable sun dress or leggings and a t-shirt.... but again, where do we draw the line between dressing appropriately comfortable and dressing like you just walked off of a street corner?
As long as no underwear or butts, crotch, and breasts exposed (I'm talking side boob and underboob. Cleavage happens.) and no hate speak t-shirts, who cares how they dress?
I grew up in the 80s. I was a heavy metal chick with big hair and bigger boobs. I always looked like I just walked in off a street corner. Sometimes I wore a jacket zipped all the way up and other times I was strutting through the halls. ON PURPOSE. And I wanted the attention of boys. Then I didn't. Then I did. I was the least wild out of my friends, and the one who made sure everyone got home safe, despite my wardrobe.
That's part of growing up, yes? Pushing boundaries, trying on outer shells to see what fits?
It is a fine line, and the rules I stick to in my school are the ones listed above. And again, I'm HAPPY to have this role. I just realized that recently. It is more comfortable for me, and for the kids.
School uniforms. We always had school uniforms in the UK when I was a child. Specific colour skirt or trousers, specific colour shirt, black outdoor shoes, a blazer and tie. The rationale was that we were at school to learn, not to show off clothes, not for a fashion parade, not to find boyfriends/girlfriends, but to get on and work hard. It also was supposed to give a sense of belonging and love for your school. We were also easy for teachers etc to spot wagging school or misbehaving on the street at lunchtime/after school. The downside was that fights between rival schools were fairly common, I'm sure the us and them mentality was enhanced by being easily identifiable as to what tribe you belonged to. It was wise for boys not to walk alone where they were likely to meet groups of boys from other schools. Thankfully I think fights have gone out of fashion with the young people today.
Fairly shocked that some people are making dress codes out to be about girls not looking like tarts. There is no such thing as modest clothes, if you live in some countries just leaving the house alone, even if covered head to toe, would make you look like a prostitute. What there are, are clothes appropriate to the situation. What you would wear on the beach, what you would wear to the office and what you would wear to a football match are completely different. Young people need guidance on these things, not to be told nonsense like how they tempt men into rape if they dress this or that way.
School uniforms. We always had school uniforms in the UK when I was a child. Specific colour skirt or trousers, specific colour shirt, black outdoor shoes, a blazer and tie.
I know, I saw Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" video. That being said, I love the uniform idea, maybe my youngest wouldn't be so Under Armour obsessed. One nice side effect of climate change and the cold weather, we haven't had to deal with dress code issues.
school uniforms would make me do such a dance of joy! No kids comparing designer logos. No worrying about dress code. Kids leaving the school could donate their uniforms to those that couldn;t afford - But truth be told - you have to buy kinds new school clothes anyhow - so it all evens out. and best of all No Fashion Police!! I say YES!
sigh...
That being said, I love the uniform idea, maybe my youngest wouldn't be so Under Armour obsessed. One nice side effect of climate change and the cold weather, we haven't had to deal with dress code issues.
kidzcare
3,393 Posts
Men should be offended to hear that some folks think they cannot control themselves or their gaze any more than a dog who smells a fresh steak.
Men are not hard wired to gawk at women. The sexualization of breasts is (by evolutionary standards) not that old. There are still societies where women do not routinely cover from the waist up and men are still able to function. There are high rates of sexual assault in societies where women are the most covered. The bare skin is not the problem.
We live in a society where breasts are over sexualized and it's been beaten into our young men's heads that "boys will be boys" which effectively absolves them of responsibility.
I DO want my daughters to grow up safe and sane without having to carry their drink to the bathroom without worrying about being drugged, without having to think that their clothing choice will be scrutinized if they are assaulted.
I also want my son to grow up knowing that women are not there for his visual and tactile pleasure.
I'm single and date frequently. I have found that there are many, many grown men who do not have any semblance of respectful boundaries. That is societal conditioning.