Dress Codes for School

JenTheSchoolRN, BSN, RN · Feb 25, 2016

We wear uniforms at my school. I am grateful for it every day.

DEgalRN · Feb 25, 2016

We wear uniforms too, and I'm glad. I agree though, that dress codes overwhelming punish girls/women for exceedingly stupid reasons.

MrNurse(x2), ADN · Feb 25, 2016

Given what Farawyn had to deal with today, there has to be some line not to be crossed. We just don't want any underwear seen, spaghetti straps are fine if you have a strapless bra, but how many middle schoolers are going to do that. IMHO, I think it looks unfinished to have bra straps showing, nothing sexual, just not neat. Kind of like people of WalMart style.

kidzcare · Feb 25, 2016

I'd like to add that I pointed out to him that the outfit in the article I linked to was well within the dress code of the high school we went to when we attended and he managed to graduate. He did not respond to that.

kidzcare · Feb 25, 2016

Given what Farawyn had to deal with today, there has to be some line not to be crossed. We just don't want any underwear seen, spaghetti straps are fine if you have a strapless bra, but how many middle schoolers are going to do that. IMHO, I think it looks unfinished to have bra straps showing, nothing sexual, just not neat. Kind of like people of WalMart style.

I agree that nothing should be see through but bra straps happen. I wear tank tops all summer long and there is no way I'm wearing a strapless bra with them. What's more distracting-- My bra strap or me yanking a bra back into place every 3-4 minutes?

DEgalRN · Feb 25, 2016

Given what Farawyn had to deal with today, there has to be some line not to be crossed. We just don't want any underwear seen, spaghetti straps are fine if you have a strapless bra, but how many middle schoolers are going to do that. IMHO, I think it looks unfinished to have bra straps showing, nothing sexual, just not neat. Kind of like people of WalMart style.

I agree, but what I've seen is that girls are held to a standard that boys are not. (Girls shouldn't show bra straps, but boys are "allowed" to walk around with their boxers showing. And, being honest, if no one is correcting them they are allowed to do it.)

And, the argument that we hear is that spaghetti straps and sun dresses are distracting, not that they should look neat. Should be teaching our children to be able to dress appropriately? YES! But let's do that with your thoughts, and ban under garments showing. If girls want to wear spaghetti straps, let them, but require the strapless bra instead of a ban that encourages stereotypes and micro-aggression.

Eleven011 · Feb 25, 2016

Our policy is no spaghetti straps for girls, no muscle/cut off shirts for boys. No underclothing showing. Basically they are asked to dress for a school environment and not a day at the beach.

MrNurse(x2), ADN · Feb 25, 2016

I do struggle with the argument that you and your friend engaged in. Technically, a woman should be able to walk down the street unmolested. That being said, men were created to be visual. I find it extremely difficult to not focus on cleavage when it is there in your face, which is the same response that my wife and many female coworkers have. Hard call when you are trying to control a class. That being said, men are so ridiculous that putting burkas on every female doesn't reduce rape in those countries that mandate them.

LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN · Feb 25, 2016

Having 2 teenage boys and 1 tween daughter.

I have taught my boys to have respect for women, but at the same time we have to teach our girls to have some respect for themselves.

My middle school daughter has been caught trying to wear, black bra with white t-shirts. Tight shirts with leggings.

We have rules, leggings are not pants, shirts have to hit mid thigh if you wear leggings....nude bra with white tops....no spaghetti straps.

Those are our house rules, she constantly pushes the boundaries.

She is only 12....she pushes the boundaries because everyone else at school is doing it.

Why is it so bad to teach our girls to act like ladies and love themselves even to respect themselves so others will also respect them?

My sons for years were raised by a single mom and I would take them on mother/son dates teaching them how to treat women, how to be a gentleman.

Boys can be taught not to gawk, but girls should be taught to love and respect themselves.

Farawyn · Feb 25, 2016

I understand what you are getting at, kidzcare, and I struggle with this myself.

We should not be in a "blame the victim" mode of thinking, and of course young women should be able to "own" their own bodies, confidence, and sexuality.

I called a 9th grader in recently because she was wearing a tight belly shirt and tight (we call them "1 ply") leggings. You could see everything. The lunch monitor had noticed a 12th grade boy checking out her "assets" and gave me a heads' up. Her response was, "That's not my problem, that's his problem."

Which I would applaud, if she was not dressed where every nook and cranny was noticeable. I said, "well, no belly shirts in school", so she put on her large, over the hips hoodie (which is probably how she got out of the house that morning) and went on her way. It's a balancing act for sure.

As "The Woman" here, I am anointed The Butt Cheek Police. I would rather tell the girls (and guys, although the boxer thing seems to be really OUT around here) than have a male teacher not knowing where to look. Do they, the adult male teachers, have to get a grip? YES, THEY DO. But that's not my job. I'm here for the kids.

Also, I have to say, I have big boobs. Sometimes cleavage just happens.

Farawyn · Feb 25, 2016

Oh, and strapless bras are more trouble than they are worth. Regular bras with straps. If the sleeves don't hide the straps in school, get another shirt.