After 2 years of being a SAHM I went back to work PRN.
My husband was very supportive of me going back and making money even though it means him picking up more slack with the toddler.
We survived my 5 day a week day shift orientation week, though he was tired and complained a little about how much I was working.
Now I'm still on orientation, doing about 2 night shifts a week. Will only orient for another few shifts and then will probably drop down to weekly and honestly looks like I may be canceled a lot because of low census. Ok with me.
I do NOT like nights.
And I thought dh would like it better since it's less waking hours with our son, but he's complaining more.
I've asked him to let me sleep in the morning before a shift.
Then he has him 2 hours before bedtime. Then the next day so I can sleep. Basically up until he puts him down for afternoon nap then I wake up when my son does.
We've had major fights the past two mornings when I've come home EXHAUSTED and have asked him to please not come in the room when I'm sleeping.
he acts like this is a big burden and he should be able to come in the bedroom if he needs something and I can't just shut him out all day.
He just doesn't get it!!
It would be easier if he went to work all day, but he works from home.
I've gotten my sleep the past two shifts but had to fight for it.
I'm sorry your husband is acting like that. I work 3 nights a week and my husband's world pretty much revolves around it... He is so quiet and sets out his clothes beforehand, knowing I'll be asleep in the bedroom. But, we don't have kids.... so there's that.
If he wants you to work he needs to realize the sacrifices that come with nursing schedules. Sounds like you two have issues you need to work through. Financially it was worth it for us to put y son in pre school so I would get sleep and y husband could finish school for his degree. Because you are PRN hard to kow if it outweighs the benefit. Especially if he works from home, if his hours are flexible he should be able to are it work. Or else you isn't need to find a sitter for that day.
You have a marriage problem, not a night shift problem.
I would recommend talking to a marriage therapist and hopefully he or she will tell him that he's being unreasonable because it doesn't sound like you will be able to convince him.
I truly hope that your situation gets better! I don't have any kids but I am still newly married! I worked nights as an LPN years ago when I graduated and I was the meanest person :) My family members would wake me all day long and would not let me get any rest! I was rude to any and everybody that woke me from my sleep! Nights is not for everybody and I learned that early on in my nursing career! I have friends in nursing who prefer to work nights with families so everybody's situation is different. You have to choose what's best for you and your family! I was married a year before I went back and finished my ADN program and my husband and I both agreed that dayshift is the better shift for us as a whole!! I'd rather see him when we both get off than us both to be passing and waving hi and bye! A good support system is very valuable when working any job cause stress can bring out the worst in people!
Try and talk about the specific problem when both of you are rested and calm. You will be doing this one night a week soon and then I think the problem will seem much easier to handle. It's not unreasonable to let your husband know that you need uninterrupted sleep but I can see where he might be stressed with the new responsibility of watching a toddler while trying to work from home and now can't take a shower when it fits into his schedule (like when your son is taking a nap?) so must go without. It's a change for everyone. Give it time to work.
Even if he did wait for the kid to take a nap he doesn't have to come into the bedroom to get dressed. He can get his clothes together that morning and take a shower during afternoon nap, and get dressed in a different room or the bathroom. Her husband is being unreasonable to keep coming in the room while she is sleeping.
I do agree that they need to both be rested and calm to discuss things. Maybe getting a sitter one day week for when you work and he needs to work from home.
On the nights when I work the night shift, my husband gets whatever he will need for the next day (including the laundry that he plans to wash and fold) out of our room while I am at work and puts it all in the guest bedroom. Our shower is outside of our bedroom, so he is able to shower, get dressed, etc. without coming into the room where I am sleeping. Just takes a little planning ahead on his part and a willingness to do it.
My dad worked nights, and he had a separate room (like a guest room) set up as his "sleep cave" with blackout curtains and a single bed just for him where he could sleep during the day and his wife could still have access to the master bedroom and bath. The sleep cave was upstairs - the master bedroom, kitchen and office area were down, so she did not disturb him. There are many possible solutions that do not include quitting your job (unless you really want to.)
I hope this gets better for you, OP! I think night shift coworkers are fun, and for some families one spouse on nights makes outside childcare unnecessary. Let us know how/if things improve!
My dad worked nights, and he had a separate room (like a guest room) set up as his "sleep cave" with blackout curtains and a single bed just for him where he could sleep during the day and his wife could still have access to the master bedroom and bath.
That's a fantastic idea, if you have the room.
To the original poster:
I work nights, and my husband is very considerate and doesn't disturb me. We also have three dogs that will either sleep in the room with me if he's working, or stays downstairs with him if he's home. Anything he needs out of the bedroom he gets before I got to bed, or waits until I'm up. Does your husband really need access to the bedroom that much while you're sleeping?
Bottom line, he isn't going to be happy whether you're working nights or days, sounds like. I would put it to him this way, would you come in and disturb him at midnight? At one, two, three in the morning? Then he shouldn't disturb you at those times during the day because those are your sleeping hours. Most people don't think like that. You disturb me at three pm, I will disturb you at three am. Same thing. I wouldn't quit the job unless it was something YOU wanted to do, not something that you're feeling forced to do. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope his selfishness lifts.
Just to throw another thought in there--Your husband, OP works from home. To attempt to do that with a toddler under tow is difficult at the very least. Plus to keep the noise at a minimum, and prevent said toddler from going into the room. Not to mention the toddler does what while you are sleeping, and he is attempting to shower and get ready for his day.
You can suggest that once you get home, you have breakfast with your child, settle them into whatever routine, all while your husband is showering, etc. Then, go into the room with a mask and ear plugs. Close the door, and sleep as you are able. Get up for lunch with said toddler, and then nap again when the child does. If you feel like you need a couple extra hours, I would then take a quick nap when the child goes to bed. (and that is assuming that you are a 11p-7a prn).
I think that 7p-7a is the hardest shift ever. Maybe you would do better with an 11p-7a shift, as then you can get from say 7:30-10pm to sleep.
If your husband was just being an all around jerk, that would be one thing. But legit he is attempting to work in a different way--and has to keep watch out for a toddler, which is difficult.
Maybe it is time to put the toddler in part time preschool. Make sure your PRN shifts revolve around the school days.
Ha! Nah, I think there's still Jerk Potential there with the OP's mate.
I was a SAHM for a bunch of years before returning to school for nursing, and hubby had to accomodate classes/clinicals as best we could (as, undoubtedly, the OP's spouse must have had to do). DH made a very nice salary and I didn't "have to" work; I WANTED to work....AND I went back full-time once the youngest was in kindergarten -- and somehow the world didn't collapse for my guy
It sometimes takes unsupportive spouses to recognize the great ones!
LOL, well, yes there is always "jerk potential" but there is also an adjustment period too and let's face it, especially for guys. Especially when MOM has been picking up the slack for a while.
My guy is a fab one but he had to do some adjusting at first. Then it evened out and he manned up. Just givin' the guy the benefit of the doubt.
The child is the one you must think about first...your child's needs come before you and dad's wants. You and dad's needs come before the child's wants. Having said that....if you guys are at odds the child absorbs the negative energy you two emit; during a very formative stage of the child's life. You've only just begun. You two have to sit down and work out a mutual, supporting, friendly, environment. I have been blessed with 5 kids and have felt like I was going to drop dead from exhaustion over the years but they didn't have a choice in being born. I'm responsible for raising them - hopefully in a successful manner. So, you and dad do whatever it takes to create the best environment for that little rug rat; remember you're only borrowing that kid for a few years and then...grown and gone.
I spoke to my manager and they really don't have need for PRN on days right now so I guess I'll stick with the nights and see if we can adjust.
Thursday is my last orientation day and after that I'll probably only sign up for one shift a week max and honestly they've been flexing staff members a lot lately so it's very likely I'll be canceled half the time anyway. So maybe it won't be as big a problem as I think.
I still hate nights though. I feel like a zombie for most of my shift and was almost falling asleep at the wheel driving home. I'm also such a monster for 24 hours after. Short tempered and emotional.
FloatFNP-C, BSN, MSN, NP
102 Posts
I'm sorry your husband is acting like that. I work 3 nights a week and my husband's world pretty much revolves around it... He is so quiet and sets out his clothes beforehand, knowing I'll be asleep in the bedroom. But, we don't have kids.... so there's that.