After 2 years of being a SAHM I went back to work PRN.
My husband was very supportive of me going back and making money even though it means him picking up more slack with the toddler.
We survived my 5 day a week day shift orientation week, though he was tired and complained a little about how much I was working.
Now I'm still on orientation, doing about 2 night shifts a week. Will only orient for another few shifts and then will probably drop down to weekly and honestly looks like I may be canceled a lot because of low census. Ok with me.
I do NOT like nights.
And I thought dh would like it better since it's less waking hours with our son, but he's complaining more.
I've asked him to let me sleep in the morning before a shift.
Then he has him 2 hours before bedtime. Then the next day so I can sleep. Basically up until he puts him down for afternoon nap then I wake up when my son does.
We've had major fights the past two mornings when I've come home EXHAUSTED and have asked him to please not come in the room when I'm sleeping.
he acts like this is a big burden and he should be able to come in the bedroom if he needs something and I can't just shut him out all day.
He just doesn't get it!!
It would be easier if he went to work all day, but he works from home.
I've gotten my sleep the past two shifts but had to fight for it.
The inconsiderate jerk you are married to will be an inconsiderate jerk no matter what time of day it is. ( bet he will spend those big bucks you will make).
That being said... you work an off shift..he works from home... you both need to find childcare.
Sounds tough. I'm sorry you are going through this. Transitions back to nursing, ESPECIALLY nightshift, are brutal for everyone. My husband isn't in healthcare either and works at home. Obviously it is an adjustment for him, too. He will adjust. Maybe he really misses having you home, especially at night. If it is an issue of childcare, however, it needs to be addressed. If he doesn't want to take care of the child when you are sleeping, at least you will find out ASAP so that you can figure it out a solution together. Doesn't make him a bad person, though in an ideal world (and marriage) it wouldn't be an issue.
I would sit down and talk about it (though I doubt that it can happen successfully after working a nightshift, so wait till you have slept). I always feel like a zombie after working nights and am not capable of having a meaningful conversation. Just listen to him. Even if his thoughts seem super irrational, sometimes people just like knowing that their concerns are being taken into consideration (It doesn't mean you will have to change jobs or even your shift).
In the meantime, do all the things you can to help yourself sleep during the day. Invest in 2 box fans (20 bucks each from Big Lots) and put them on simultaneously on full blast. The white noise helps block out almost everything, even if your husband comes in/out of your room. Keep your room cool. Black out your windows. Wear a mask if you can (I can't wear a mask or earplugs, drives me nuts). Take a benadryl (or sleep aid) if you need one. Turn off the ringer (if you can) on your phone, or call forward them to your hubby or landline).
Specializes in peds, allergy-asthma, ob/gyn office.
I was a SAHM while my husband worked rotating days/nights/overtime/work till midnight and then back at 6am the next morning. It is really hard on the body. My husband and I had an understanding that I did not go in the bedroom while he slept. It was hard. I could not clean or put away our laundry while he was in there. But it was necessary while he got his sleep. Your husband has to put up with this on a very minor scale. I hope he can become more understanding. Also, now that I am back to work (fulltime days, clinic) my husband has had to adjust to me being less able to do housework and every.single.thing for the kids. It has been a process and he told me to quit many times. They get spoiled to mom being at home. I was going to suggest that you have a sitter come for those mornings you are sleeping, but that kinda defeats the purpose of you working. Don't give up yet; it's hard to get back to working after being at home.
I'm sorry but refusing to care for one's OWN child, or complaining about it to the point of threatening the marriage, makes someone a bad person. The child only exists because of their choices, so man up or wear the label.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
It's a bit deeper than the "night shift". You two have essential problems you need to work out that the shift work is only bringing to the surface. I suggest you two work out how to handle this and the other problems that come with two people disagreeing, and working out parenting stresses.
And maybe, you should just quit the job.
Is it worth your marriage---- ( you said yourself, your marriage may not survive the night shift!)
Believe me, I know firsthand: Time goes fast; kids grow up in the blink of an eye, and you don't get that time back. Go back to being a full time mom, if you possibly can. You will never regret spending that time with your child; there was no one on their death bed I ever heard say "I wish I had spent more time at work rather than being with my family". If you can do with just his income, you will be much happier in the long run.
I'm sorry but refusing to care for one's OWN child, or complaining about it to the point of threatening the marriage, makes someone a bad person. The child only exists because of their choices, so man up or wear the label.
OP already stated that her husband's complaint is about not being able to go into the bedroom while she is sleeping, not child care.
I understand your need to sleep but it would be hard if your husband worked from home and couldn't enter a certain room of the house (that he may need stuff from) for the entire day while you're sleeping. Are you that light of a sleeper?
This made me chuckle. Assuming the OP is like most people and sleeps in her bedroom, it's hard to imagine just WHAT on earth her husband MUST HAVE on a daily basis from this room because he works at home? If it's something he can't function without for a few hours, he can simply plan just a tiny bit ahead and take the thing out with him!
As for being a light sleeper, if my dh so much as cracked my bedroom door open (worked nightshift for years) I assure you I'd be awake immediately. And you can bet the only reason he'd do THAT is if there was a pet on fire in the living room and the only fire extinguisher was in my closet. IOW: NOT!
Is there no way a husband can handle staying out of the bedroom while she sleeps? My husband, who also works from home, has managed to keep the house quiet with two puppies and a first grader while I have worked nights. We don't have anything in the bedroom that he can't do without for that period of time, and anything he needs, he will take out ahead of time. If he needed to shower, he'd plan it around when I'm sleeping, or shower in the bathroom that's not adjacent to the bedroom. Yes, it wakes me up if he opens the door. It's an old house, and the door sticks.
....and if I'd seen this post before writing out mine, LOL, I wouldn't have bothered! :)
This thread has just confirmed for me what I already know: my hubby is a wonderful man, worked all kinds of weirdities around my nightshift schedule.......kids/pets/errands/showers/deliveries/etc.....and I think I'm going to go tell him that
LOL. Problem is, you husband got USED to you being home. Now it's different. And you don't NEED the money. Oftentimes, in this situation, the idea of working is much nicer than the reality of working (at least to the spouse that absorbs the extra work!). This is what I have found out after returning to work as well. You'll get it figured out.
Can you imagine how much he'd be freaking if you worked full time! aaah
LOL. Problem is, you husband got USED to you being home. Now it's different. And you don't NEED the money. Oftentimes, in this situation, the idea of working is much nicer than the reality of working (at least to the spouse that absorbs the extra work!). This is what I have found out after returning to work as well. You'll get it figured out.
Can you imagine how much he'd be freaking if you worked full time! aaah
Ha! Nah, I think there's still Jerk Potential there with the OP's mate.
I was a SAHM for a bunch of years before returning to school for nursing, and hubby had to accomodate classes/clinicals as best we could (as, undoubtedly, the OP's spouse must have had to do). DH made a very nice salary and I didn't "have to" work; I WANTED to work....AND I went back full-time once the youngest was in kindergarten -- and somehow the world didn't collapse for my guy
It sometimes takes unsupportive spouses to recognize the great ones!
This may have mentioned before, but does your husband work every single day? Can you schedule your night to work before his day off? That way it wont interfere with his work schedule. He can wait to shower until you get up.
I have a toddler and I guarantee you that I do, in fact, shower. Most of the time I do so with little eyes peering into the glass, but seriously....it can be done.
You'll get it figured out.
been there,done it
84 Posts
It doesn't really matter what shift you work.
The inconsiderate jerk you are married to will be an inconsiderate jerk no matter what time of day it is. ( bet he will spend those big bucks you will make).
That being said... you work an off shift..he works from home... you both need to find childcare.