After 2 years of being a SAHM I went back to work PRN.
My husband was very supportive of me going back and making money even though it means him picking up more slack with the toddler.
We survived my 5 day a week day shift orientation week, though he was tired and complained a little about how much I was working.
Now I'm still on orientation, doing about 2 night shifts a week. Will only orient for another few shifts and then will probably drop down to weekly and honestly looks like I may be canceled a lot because of low census. Ok with me.
I do NOT like nights.
And I thought dh would like it better since it's less waking hours with our son, but he's complaining more.
I've asked him to let me sleep in the morning before a shift.
Then he has him 2 hours before bedtime. Then the next day so I can sleep. Basically up until he puts him down for afternoon nap then I wake up when my son does.
We've had major fights the past two mornings when I've come home EXHAUSTED and have asked him to please not come in the room when I'm sleeping.
he acts like this is a big burden and he should be able to come in the bedroom if he needs something and I can't just shut him out all day.
He just doesn't get it!!
It would be easier if he went to work all day, but he works from home.
I've gotten my sleep the past two shifts but had to fight for it.
I worked full time (3 12 hour shifts) on night shift all last year with a kiddo at home and a kiddo in school. My husband is a stay-at-home dad. I always slept about 9-5 after I worked, on the day before a shift started, I'd usually sleep until about noon. I still work PRN at the hospital in addition to my day shift school nursing position, and he remains able to wrangle the kids and keep my sleep generally uninterrupted. There is no reason whatsoever that your requests for sleeping in uninterrupted and sleeping during the day after a shift should not be granted, particularly if you are going to only be doing this once a week. If he cannot give you that, there are likely some issues about respect/support that need to be addressed with him.
With that being said, I understand that he is working, not simply staying home. That can be hard with a toddler underfoot. But, the joy of working from home is having some flexibility, and as long as you try your best to minimize the interruptions for him the rest of the week, granting him the same type of respect you are requesting, I don't see the problem. Obviously, trying to work around his schedule would be the best, since you are PRN. In my opinion, his quick suggestion that you quit tells me that he is not fully on board with you working at all. If this is important to you, it is worth fighting for.
My dad worked nights, and he had a separate room (like a guest room) set up as his "sleep cave" with blackout curtains and a single bed just for him where he could sleep during the day and his wife could still have access to the master bedroom and bath. The sleep cave was upstairs - the master bedroom, kitchen and office area were down, so she did not disturb him. There are many possible solutions that do not include quitting your job (unless you really want to.)
My mother did this exact same thing. When we were kids we knew when mom's "cave door" was closed we were NOT to behave like animals and causing a raucous but even if we played in our rooms she wouldn't wake up.
My parents actually say their marriage is stronger BECAUSE of night shift.
When my brother and I both moved out my mom tried days, and 3-11, but ultimately went back to overnights because she was so bored at home with my dad (LOL). He has his stamp collection, and she calls nursing her hobby now since she really doesn't need to work but needs to fill the void since her kids are out of the nest.
Maybe I'll try to set that up so I can be comfortable sleeping in there.
I like sleeping in my own bed better, but that may be the only way I could be guaranteed uninterrupted sleep after a night shift since my husband is the most stubborn inflexible man alive....
Guaranteed uninterrupted sleep? So you will never be woken up with a toddler 'situation'? Or a phone call that just HAS to be dealt with now? I'm hoping in the therapy sessions you can make him understand that inflexibility is NOT a key to success! Gonna be tough, but I wish you well :)
adpiRN
389 Posts
Oh and my husband and I are going back to couples therapy to talk about this and our other issues we've been working on.
I definitely don't want my son to grow up with parents who fight!
Or parents who live in separate homes!
I'm sure the whole shower thing was mostly a control thing for him.
He does not like being told what to do/not to do and is very stubborn. Frustrating, but I have to live with it.
i'm sure he felt stretched thin because our son apparently woke up at 3:30 am while I was working and then was up for the day before 7.
It's an adjustment for everyone.
His work is very flexible so that's not really the problem.
And our son goes to a preschool from 9-12 so he has that time.