divorcing while in school advice

Jeff82 · Aug 3, 2004

While I'm not a single mother myself :) I have plenty of friends at uni that are in the same boat. They say it's hard work juggling a family life, uni and a job all at once but they work together and support each other. They do extremely well at uni (usually getting high distinctions or distinctions) and in my opinion will make excellent nurses, but the main thing that they say is getting them through it is each other, and most of all the support from their kids. Good luck, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

CHATSDALE · Aug 3, 2004

are you being honest in waiting 8 weeks before you end this relationship...does your partner know and accept this arrangement

I wish you well in your endeavors

allnurses Guide · Aug 3, 2004

My first day of orientation included a warning from the teachers.

Do not make any life-changing decisions while in nursing school. It is a stressful time and you may live to regret it.

I don't know your circumstance. If he is abusive or has been unfaithful or is using drugs or is an alcoholic then I would say you need to leave.

If it is something else, I'd suggest counseling (maybe you already have).

Your question just shot me back to that room with the warning from the teachers. I think it was a good warning.

steph

Philo · Aug 3, 2004

hello all and thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I begin my ADN program in 2.5 weeks. I have two children, both of them are elementary school age. I am looking to end my 'marriage' as soon as possible. I know that it would be best to wait until the first five weeks of school are behind me for me and my girls to move out.
I have heard that the divorce rate in nursing school is very high. So, I am encouraged that other moms were able to succeed in the program as well as "successfully" divorce. Here is what i have going for me:
a reliable car
determination
very good study habits
wonderful relationship with my daughters
I do not have a job (yet) but have been offered one
I do not have money (yet)
I do not know what is out there as far as help (i live in GA).
If you have been through this...would you mind sharing some of the lessons that you learned from the school of hard knocks? How many of you worked and were single parents during school? Any constructive advice would be appreciated.
thank you again...

Hang in there Baby, If possible Do not get the divorce or wait until you are finished school. School is hard, I don't know why you are divorcing but the typical reason is that you are advancing and he's not.. The male ego is very complicated. If he is smart, he will see the eventual benefits of you finishing nursing school to the family rather than taking the role of " I'm less than a man because my wife is smarter or my wife makes more money than me" most men can't handle that. it took a few months before mine realized that my going to school would benefit the family (as well as him) he took care of the 4 kids while I went to school . As I said before I don't know why you are divorcing but 9 times out of ten it is because of his ego. If that is the case we women are known to weather the storm because we know brighter days are ahead.

Peace , Love and Harmony

Philo

LeesieBug · Aug 3, 2004

My first day of orientation included a warning from the teachers.
Do not make any life-changing decisions while in nursing school. It is a stressful time and you may live to regret it.
I don't know your circumstance. If he is abusive or has been unfaithful or is using drugs or is an alcoholic then I would say you need to leave.
If it is something else, I'd suggest counseling (maybe you already have).
Your question just shot me back to that room with the warning from the teachers. I think it was a good warning.
steph

We got the same warning...no major changes...good or bad. ..and they were right! The first year of nursing is an ENORMOUS adjustment as it is, without a major life change going on. I agree with steph that unless there is a problem that is making the relationship very unhealthy for you or your daughters, try to postpone things. Just to save yourself and your daughters some stress. Having mom suddenly in school, going to work, leaving dad, moving, all at once, may be a lot for a kid to handle.

THAT said....if the need to leave is serious...GO! I know people who DID successfully handle the immense challenge. It can be done, it is just not the best situation (why risk setting yourself up for failure unless absolutely necessary?). But don't risk health or safety in effort to make the nursing school transition go more smoothly.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

hypnotic_nurse · Aug 3, 2004

I found out about my husband's numerous affairs from his girlfriend, filed for divorce the next day and the day after that enrolled in school. Then I found out about the 3 months worth of unpaid bills (including the house payment) and the credit cards I didn't know about, all charged to the max. My kids were 12 and 8 at the time, and we were living 600 miles away from family and friends (had moved 2 years before).

I lost my home, we had NO money, and working full time and full time school is really, really stressful. I tried to make it as easy as possible for the kids, especially since the ex was making it as hard as possible for all of us. Since I'm a stress eater, I gained a lot of weight -- 40 pounds -- which I am still fighting to lose.

Nursing school did make it possible for me to make enough money for the 3 of us to live on. It allows me to have a job where I accrue some retirement money and can put away some myself. I can make enough to help my kids through college, since their dad won't (he makes 75K a year, but spends it on girlfriends and fast cars).

In addition, I was so busy with school over the next 3 years that there was no time to come to grips with what had happened so suddenly, no grieving time.

I can't say that I would have done it any differently (except maybe to have spent what little free time I had walking or biking with the kids instead of sitting on the couch -- but I dont' know that I would have had the energy for that) and I am thankful every day that I earned my RN. However, it was not easy, and it's important for you to know that. It's also important to know that it can be done. The more support you have from family and friends, the easier it will be.

Take care, and be sure to weigh all your options!

purplemania, BSN, RN · Aug 3, 2004

as Ann Landers (or was it Dear Abby?) used to say: Which is worse---staying or leaving? When you can answer that question you will know what to do.

Good luck. I hope you have plenty of moral support. Keep us posted.

Havin' A Party!, ASN, RN · Aug 3, 2004

... Which is worse---staying or leaving?...

That about sums it up. Goes without saying, be sure to consider your well being as well as the kids'.

Is there a good probability of the probs being reasonably resolved?

Good luck!

veteranRN · Aug 3, 2004

I was a single parent in nursing school. No way could I earn enough as a CNA to support two kids. Husband disappeared. This is what I did. I quit my job, marched into the welfare/medicaid/food stamp office and said, "I just quit my job, I am due to start nursing school in 1 month and I need welfare (AFDC)." I assured the caseworker I would be graduating in 2 years and would be off welfare. I got grants/loans, food stamps, housing assistance, medicaid, AFDC, and organizations to pay for child care and gas for transportation. Now criticize all you want for using the system :chair: but there was a governmental agency that came in and did a study on the amount of money the government invested in me for 2 years and the money I returned to the community after graduation as a working adult able to care for my kids on my own.

And to top it all off the only responsibility I had during nursing school was studying and caring for my kids. It sure helped and I would definitely recommend it as an option. As long as you set the end goal.

BabyRN2Be · Aug 3, 2004

I was a single parent in nursing school. No way could I earn enough as a CNA to support two kids. Husband disappeared. This is what I did. I quit my job, marched into the welfare/medicaid/food stamp office and said, "I just quit my job, I am due to start nursing school in 1 month and I need welfare (AFDC)." I assured the caseworker I would be graduating in 2 years and would be off welfare. I got grants/loans, food stamps, housing assistance, medicaid, AFDC, and organizations to pay for child care and gas for transportation. Now criticize all you want for using the system :chair: but there was a governmental agency that came in and did a study on the amount of money the government invested in me for 2 years and the money I returned to the community after graduation as a working adult able to care for my kids on my own.
And to top it all off the only responsibility I had during nursing school was studying and caring for my kids. It sure helped and I would definitely recommend it as an option. As long as you set the end goal.

I don't think that anyone should criticize you for using the system. You used the system the way it was meant to be used - to help people who really want to become productive members of society to be able to do so. In fact, we thank you for that! :)

It's people who abuse the system who are the problems, those who have 3 children and get pregnant so they will get more money.

There's a difference between use and abuse.

RN4NICU, LPN, LVN · Aug 3, 2004

I don't think that anyone should criticize you for using the system. You used the system the way it was meant to be used - to help people who really want to become productive members of society to be able to do so. In fact, we thank you for that! :)
It's people who abuse the system who are the problems, those who have 3 children and get pregnant so they will get more money.
There's a difference between use and abuse.

I totally agree - there is an enormous difference between using the system to help you get back on your feet and making it a way of life. It is the latter that I have major problems with. I'm all for helping people to help themselves (using the system). I'm only against enabling people to become permanently dependent on society (abusing the system).

Good for you veteranRN for using the system for the good - to help you become a productive member of society. It helps us all!