divorcing while in school advice

runner11 · Feb 8, 2006

I am in my last semester of nursing school. My husband informed me over christmas break he wants a divorce. It has compunded the stress level immensely as money is tight and I live right next door to his entire family:eek: Thank God they are still supportive of me.

Like others have mentioned, it can be done. We have a 2 y/o boy and that is what keeps me ticking. Just MAKE SURE you are very gentle and loving to yourself. Take time to go for walks, seek counseling if it will help, and read for pleasure when you can.

It is amazing how much the little things become so meaningful.

I wish you the best. I am confident you will do well!

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2006

I was a single parent in nursing school. No way could I earn enough as a CNA to support two kids. Husband disappeared. This is what I did. I quit my job, marched into the welfare/medicaid/food stamp office and said, "I just quit my job, I am due to start nursing school in 1 month and I need welfare (AFDC)." I assured the caseworker I would be graduating in 2 years and would be off welfare. I got grants/loans, food stamps, housing assistance, medicaid, AFDC, and organizations to pay for child care and gas for transportation. Now criticize all you want for using the system :chair: but there was a governmental agency that came in and did a study on the amount of money the government invested in me for 2 years and the money I returned to the community after graduation as a working adult able to care for my kids on my own.
And to top it all off the only responsibility I had during nursing school was studying and caring for my kids. It sure helped and I would definitely recommend it as an option. As long as you set the end goal.

I know this is an old post - but I can't help responding.

The person above is, in my opinion, one of the people welfare/assistance is for in the first place - folks who need a bit of HELP. People like her are the reason I pay taxes.

My hat off to you; I think you did the right thing (in the event you ever see this post again) and I am proud of you and of the fact that I quite possibly contributed to your success by paying my taxes. :clown:

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2006

hi I just joined this site and I wanted to thank you for your post. my husband walked out 4 weeks ago, has another woman and does not care what happens. I have a 17 yr old about to graduate, a 5 yr old in kinder and a 21 month old. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and live in the country with no neighbors. I have no family or friends here to lean on. I was just starting to go back for my RN and he walked out. I was thinking about welfare but was not sure I could do it. now I see that it made all of the difference for you. I have worked my whole life and now I think it is time that I got some help to better my family's life. thank you thank you thank you
i am an emotion wreck because it was so unexpected and I still love him with all of my heart. you support a man through the rough early years then he trades you in on a new model. I am so scared and worried. I am in texas and my family in in California. any thoughts or friendship you can give would save my life right now.

Go ask. There IS NO SHAME IN SAYING, "HEY, I COULD USE SOME HELP OVER HERE!"

No one thinks any less of someone for asking for help. As I said in my earlier post, you're the reason I pay taxes. Sometimes we all need help. I once had to go ask the Salvation Army for help with my utility bills and now I donate to them every chance I get. I know how hard it is to throw your hand up, but please don't feel bad for doing it.

Sometimes ya gotta.

powellfarm1 · Feb 8, 2006

Go ask. There IS NO SHAME IN SAYING, "HEY, I COULD USE SOME HELP OVER HERE!"

No one thinks any less of someone for asking for help. As I said in my earlier post, you're the reason I pay taxes. Sometimes we all need help. I once had to go ask the Salvation Army for help with my utility bills and now I donate to them every chance I get. I know how hard it is to throw your hand up, but please don't feel bad for doing it.

Sometimes ya gotta.

thank you. I never faulted people who needed a little help to get going but I never thought it would be me. Yet here I am. My kids deserve so much more than I can get for them on welfare .I want to be able hold my head up and say I am planning for their future. Right now all I have is me and my love for them. at least that is what they need the most.

LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN · Feb 8, 2006

I am a single parent of two small children 4 & 6, work part time attened school full time. I havent seen or heard from my ex. in 3 years. I too went to the welfare office and applied for services. I also have a great support system. I live next door to my mom, and my sisters and my dad also live within 15 min. away, they all help with my kids. My advice is surround yourself with people who will support you and help you out.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2006

thank you. I never faulted people who needed a little help to get going but I never thought it would be me. Yet here I am. My kids deserve so much more than I can get for them on welfare .I want to be able hold my head up and say I am planning for their future. Right now all I have is me and my love for them. at least that is what they need the most.

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, my friend.

YOU ARE INDEED PLANNING FOR THEIR FUTURE. You're doing the right thing, and they will understand. They're getting everything they deserve - a mom who is standing by them and making sure they will be provided for when this rough spot has passed. No kid could ask for more than that. That's more important than eighty dollar sneakers.

LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN · Feb 8, 2006

thank you. I never faulted people who needed a little help to get going but I never thought it would be me. Yet here I am. My kids deserve so much more than I can get for them on welfare .I want to be able hold my head up and say I am planning for their future. Right now all I have is me and my love for them. at least that is what they need the most.

All your children really need is your love. I never thought that I would be somone who would be on welfare, however you do what you need to do. I am on welfare and this Christmas, my children were placed on a giving tree. My son 6, took his own money to buy something for someone off of a giving tree, because he wanted to give to someone who had less than he did. He didnt relize that we have less, and he has not felt that he has less. He has a famliy that loves him and a place that he feels safe in. Remeber that by investing in yourself you are planning for your childrens future, you are setting an example of that hard work and determination you are able to do anything no matter what the obsticales may be.

yadda_yadda_yadda, LPN, LVN · Feb 8, 2006

:icon_hug:

I went through a divorce in 1992 while in nursing school. I went to the local employment agency, looking for work while going to school. They were so helpful...seeing that I was newly divorced, and without a marketable trade/skills. They went the extra mile for me--knowing that I was in for many transitions beyond being newly divorced. They referred me to the local JTPA office.(Job Training Partnership Act)

JTPA paid my entire tuition/books/clinical uniforms..--and gave me a stipend for gas each week---they also put me in touch with CCMS (Child Care Management Services)...and they covered 100% of my childcare expenses. I also applied for (and received) a Pell Grant to help with unforeseen expenses.

Chin up...keep the faith..and this too, shall pass.

This was all possible because I was classified as a 'displaced homemaker'. Throughout my marriage, I'd never been the primary breadwinner--so I qualified for all kinds of assistance while obtaining marketable skills.

Looking back, I know it would have been very difficult to accomplish what I did without their help.

judyblueeyes · Feb 9, 2006

Many of the women I went to school with were divorced/divorcing or planning on it in the future. It seemed to me they had made a decision- in some cases a plan- to manage their lives without the husband.

I say, 'if that's what you want and need, go for it!' Of course it will be hard to do, but you can have the life you want and need. Heck, it may be harder to stay in some cases.

Best Wishes!

powellfarm1 · Feb 9, 2006

thank you all sooo much.

I do not have any family here so I really needed to hear from people who believe in me. My husband's family has not called even one time since he moved out 5 weeks ago. they have not seen the kids or talked to them. I feel like they will only hinder us in moving on, they definately will not help.

so thank you all again.:heartbeat:1luvu:

JustMe · Feb 9, 2006

I went through my divorce shortly before I started the nursing program. I was lucky to have family nearby who supported me (literally). As an instructor I tell students to look into financial help from the school so you don't have to work so much--school is hard enough!

I'll never forget the look on one instructor's face when she was calling role the first day. I had registered under my maiden name but the nursing program still had me listed under my married name. When I corrected her she smiled and said I must have just gotten married. I said no, just gotten divorced!:chuckle