Disrespect & Profanity

Nurses General Nursing

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I've got a couple of burrs under my saddle blanket and am requesting feedback from the allnurses community regarding professional behaviors:

I believe:

Someone should be referred to with their title of Ms, Mrs, Mr, Dr, etc. and their surname until permission is granted otherwise.

Profanity in professional situations is rarely acceptable and if so used, should be in consensual agreement, e.g. "May I speak frankly?"

It gets my goat how some believe they have the freedom to address another or use language that is not becoming to a professional relationship.

My wife, medical nurse Belinda, told me that at Anomaly Memorial Hospital the staff are encouraged to refer to the patients by their first names because it comes across as being more friendly.

In reading some articles on the internet, profanity is condoned and supported in some professional situations because it "releases tension".

"Bullhockey!" say I.

In my experiences, respect is received, even with Salt-of-the-Earth Psychotics, by giving them respect. And that respect, reinforced, has prevented escalating patients from experiencing total meltdowns: The statement, "I expect you to give me the same respect I give you" has caused many an angry patient to take pause.

I think of the multitude of smiles I've received, asking a patient, "May I call you...?" Or: "What would you like to be called?"

Profanity is rarely necessary in a professional situation. The use of profanity can be a sign of loss of control, or apathy. I hear profanity from an acquaintance as their way of saying, "I can say whatever I want with no regard to you".

I truly enjoy using euphemisms to say the vilest thing in the sweetest, most respectful way. Forms of the word "imprudent" has become one of my favs as of late: "You can't fix imprudence" sounds so much more respectful than the mainstream saying. Or: "How imprudent of administration to do that!"

Euphemisms help to take the focus of how something is said and puts the focus on what is said.

What do you think?

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
2 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

But, Tenebrae, is it about the patient, or is it about where you come from?

Absolutely its about the patient.

I was more thinking along the lines of my own experience with someone taking their own culture as the only right way to deal with things.

As nurses we see things that run counter to our own cultural experience. Its important not to assume that our own eurocentric approach to life is superior to that of our patients, eg we are seeing alot more muslim women coming through work. Many of those women wear a hijab, something that absolutely squicks me out, however who am i to tell a patient that their choice to wear a head scarf is wrong.

Another example I can think of, often in Maori culture, its a whanau (family) approach to health, all communications may go through a particular family member, that may or not be the patient. Do I chose to insist on doing things my way , or do I go "hey, this is how this person and their whanau work, how do I best work with the patient to achieve best possible health outcomes.

In pacific culture, its also often family based, and pacific people often will refuse to make eye contact with people and when coming into a room, they will sit down as soon as possible. The belief is that eye contact is too confrontational and the hightest position in the room is a sign of respect and by sitting down is a way of giving respect to the person they see as an authority, eg nurse, doctor etc. In western culture not making eye contact is often seen as shifty. Again, do I insist on doing it my way, or do I work with the family and the patient and respect of their culture to ensure best possible health outcomes for the patient.

Does that make sense. Am aware that often what makes perfect sense in my head doesnt translate well to text???

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
12 minutes ago, Tenebrae said:

what makes perfect sense in my head doesnt translate well to text

Thank you for the information on the various cultures, Tenebrae, I did not know those things.

Yeah, to me, your response came back rather cavalier.

27 minutes ago, Tenebrae said:

I'm like "are you kidding me, damn is not a cuss word where I come from"

I guess saying something like, "I'm sorry if you were offended. That word is not considered profanity where I come from, but if it makes you uncomfortable, I will try to refrain from using it".

I say to others in ways I would like for them to be said to me.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
20 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

I say to others in ways I would like for them to be said to me.

I am reminded of the wise words of a director to staff back around 1987:

"When you come through that door, you're 'on'!", comparing our job role to playing a part.

He was the same one who called me out on not meeting a responsibility by telling me, "Hey- you don't have to like it, you only have to do it!"

In many given circumstances, I believe would much rather say what's on mind at the time than something therapeutic. But in reviewing how I handled situations, I always give myself grief if I don't take the therapeutic approach. 99.9% of the time, I reinforce myself for taking the high road.

And I only have to sleep with myself, so I'd much rather like who I sleep with than sleep with someone who just spoke his mind without consideration for another.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

I'm reaching the age where I'm often older than my patients. I pretty much always start off calling the "Mr. or Ms." but after a long shift or a few days of working with them might switch to their first name because we have a friendly rapport. Seems strange calling someone that can be my child's age or younger "Mr." With the elderly I'm less likely to switch to a first-name basis.

Rarely, if ever will I use profanity. Even though a friendly rapport is established, I feel a level of professionalism must be maintained. I'm sure though I've dropped a word here or there with someone I've been familiar with.

In my opinion, cussing or any sort of profanity is not appropriate in any professional setting. (Although I am very aware that profanity has become commonplace, and, inasmuch, acceptable by many.) A few years ago, one of my colleagues used profanity very liberally. We worked in a setting where addictions, homelessness, and other issues pertaining to lower socioeconomic status were prevalent. She always excused her behaviour as "appropriate in this setting." I remember thinking at the time that regardless of one's social standing, all of our patients deserved dignity and respect, neither of which are communicated when using crass language.
In terms of how I address my patients, that has changed over the years. I used to call people Mr., Mrs., Miss, Sir, or Madam, but these days I find that isn't necessarily acceptable. I have had several patients whom I have addressed as Mr. or Mrs./Miss, only to find out that they actually go by another noun, and sometimes, an entirely different gender. So now I call them by their first name.

Specializes in Emergency and Critical Care.

I'm old too. I always told my son that if he was being cussed at the best comeback from him would be coherent intelligent words, it makes the person stop and wonder what you just said. The English language and the semantics within have changed so much I'm sometimes not even sure what I can or cannot say even if what I want to say from my educational upbringing and following the true meaning of a word is neutral, but now means something different in the urban dictionary. As someone who also talks with my hands I guess I need to make sure I am not making any motions or gestures that would be offensive. The use of the F-bomb really gets my goat. I hear my nursing students say it and they think they can say it to the faculty/professors. I'm like "excuse me?" (with my look). I hear nurses, patients, young children etc. saying these words like they are the most important words, and the only ones within the English language available to use. See told you I was old ?

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 2/20/2020 at 10:09 PM, Davey Do said:

However, with this profanity thing at Wrongway, I'm "taking it downtown".

The downtown trip has thus begun.

Clark has been mentioned previously as the profane CPI instructor. Tonight, at shift report, I requested that Clark, who was trying to chat with one of the nurses, not interrupt.

Words were exchanged, Clark told me that I needed to find someplace else to work, threatened me with HR, and called me a "Snowflake".

When he came back later and attempted to talk to me, saying he wanted to apologize, I said that I had work to do and would see him in HR.

I sent an email to HR informing them of the shift report interruption, harassment, name calling, and requested a grievance process.

Let's see where this goes.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
On 2/20/2020 at 5:27 AM, Pepper The Cat said:

My beef is the nurses who call pts "Mamma or Papa". Drives me crazy.

I told one nurse that if I was addressed that way that would be the last time that nurse would be near me. So disrespectful.

I always start with Mr/Mrs and then later in the day ask if I may use their first name.

This reminds me of a time when I was a student and had to take an elderly lady to have her leg casted. The tech kept calling her "Grandmaw" and it just set my teeth on edge.

I had the greatest urge to say "Why Mrs. Jones, you didn't tell me this was your grandson!" But as a student I thought it best to keep my mouth shut.

Specializes in Emergency Department.
4 hours ago, Davey Do said:

The downtown trip has thus begun.

Clark has been mentioned previously as the profane CPI instructor. Tonight, at shift report, I requested that Clark, who was trying to chat with one of the nurses, not interrupt.

Words were exchanged, Clark told me that I needed to find someplace else to work, threatened me with HR, and called me a "Snowflake".

When he came back later and attempted to talk to me, saying he wanted to apologize, I said that I had work to do and would see him in HR.

I sent an email to HR informing them of the shift report interruption, harassment, name calling, and requested a grievance process.

Let's see where this goes.

Don't understand why you would be a"snowflake" for calling him out for stopping him interrupting report. Sounds the exact opposite.

Keep us informed of developments Davey.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, GrumpyRN said:

Don't understand why you would be a"snowflake" for calling him out for stopping him interrupting report. Sounds the exact opposite.

Keep us informed of developments Davey.

Basically, I asked Clark to leave to I could hear report. This is the third time he has chatted during a shift report and the second time I have asked him not to interrupt. He said, Move closer to (the other nurse)." I said, "Clark, go practice your profanity". He responded, "If profanity offends you, you should go work somewhere else". I said, "I don't think I should have to put up with profanity from so-called 'professionals'!" More words were were batted back & forth and at one point Clark said, "I'll see you in HR!" and I responded, "Gladly!" He then left and called over his shoulder, "Snowflake!" and I responded, "That's name calling which is harassment, making for a hostile work place!"

Those were the last words spoken before he returned sometime later, wanting to talk and apologize.

Oh, I will keep you informed. And thanks for your interest, Grumpy!

Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.
2 hours ago, Davey Do said:

Basically, I asked Clark to leave to I could hear report. This is the third time he has chatted during a shift report and the second time I have asked him not to interrupt. He said, Move closer to (the other nurse)." I said, "Clark, go practice your profanity". He responded, "If profanity offends you, you should go work somewhere else". I said, "I don't think I should have to put up with profanity from so-called 'professionals'!" More words were were batted back & forth and at one point Clark said, "I'll see you in HR!" and I responded, "Gladly!" He then left and called over his shoulder, "Snowflake!" and I responded, "That's name calling which is harassment, making for a hostile work place!"

Those were the last words spoken before he returned sometime later, wanting to talk and apologize.

Oh, I will keep you informed. And thanks for your interest, Grumpy!

"If profanity offends you, you should go work somewhere else".

Wow, is this really either how far we have come, or how far we are headed in society/the workplace. How sad!

Good luck DaveyDo, cant wait to hear the outcome of this!

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
1 hour ago, Daisy4RN said:

"If profanity offends you, you should go work somewhere else".

Wow, is this really either how far we have come, or how far we are headed in society/the workplace. How sad!

Good luck DaveyDo, cant wait to hear the outcome of this!

I can understand being told that in a shipyard or on an oil rig. In a hospital full of ailing and vulnerable people, not so much.

Maybe HR will offer Clark the opportunity to explore alternate occupations.

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