Depressed about a job offer

[richardgecko]

Yeah, you heard me right. I got offered a job and I can feel myself sinking into depression because of it.

Im married with 1 kid, my husband works nights and I work days full time. I've been a nurse a little over a year or so, and I was blessed enough to walk into a day shift job in an ICU for my first job.

the only problem is that my unit is in shambles. There's a lot to be learned there but we've had a high turnover rate due to consistent mismanagement. We're currently in the process of a management change. We've lost over half of our staff in the last 6 mos. my orientation was piss poor, and because I spoke out about it to my director, I've been a walking target ever since. Lots of lateral violence in this area.

oh, and when I tried to transfer out, my manager (who happens to be besties with the HR recruiter) saw to it that my application was never sent out to any other managers who wanted to hire me.

so I started looking elsewhere. I got three interviews in one week, I went on one yesterday and I got an offer this AM.

i want this job so bad I can taste it. 7 mins from home in a high acuity CTICU. so much to learn. And a 5 dollar pay raise.

but it's night shift, so if I take it, my husband has to quit his job, making me the sole breadwinner, and we can't afford that.

when I mentioned it to him, he responded in the most smug way: "Well I can just quit my job. And you can pay all of the bills." *pops beer can, sips, walks away*

he knows I can't afford all of the bills myself. And he knows how miserable I've been at my current job.

Sometimes I just get tired of sacrificing my needs for others. I hate this "stuck" feeling. I already stayed in this city away from family to be with him. Now I have to endure a miserable work environment for at least another 6 months until he graduates and finds another job because all of his classes are in the daytime. I just get sooooo tired of having to put myself on hold for everyone else. I give to my patients, I give to my child, and I give to my husband and at the end of the day I feel like I don't have anything left of me FOR ME when it's over.

I left that interview knowing I got the job and it made me sick to my stomach. Because I knew it was Just another opportunity I'm going to have to walk away from because of someone else. hearing that job offer in my voicemail brought literal tears to my eyes because I know I have to decline. I haven't been able to get out of bed all day. I am crushed.

[toomuchbaloney]

Sounds like your job might be the least of your worries.

Perhaps you could simply work prn and let your spouse keep his night shift job, since he believes that your small family can live off of one income.

I wonder what his career path is and how close to graduation wtih an income in his field he actually is. Expecting that you are just going to hang out in a soul sucking job to support him is just not that cool.

[B,RN]

Does your husband work 7 nights a week? If you are accepting a full time position isn't that 3 shifts a week? So realistically if he's working at most 5 nights a week and you are 3, then you just need a sitter for 1 night a week. You're going to have to coordinate your schedules so you work while he's home and vice versa. I know having your child left at home with a non-family member 1 night a week doesn't sound ideal, but if you both are set on pursuing your night jobs this might be the best option for you in the mean time.

Good luck and congratulations on the new job!

[AlphaM]

Just get a babysitter and problem solved.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Wouldn't NOT taking the job.... be a manipulative move on your part?

[dishes, BSN, RN]

Just get a babysitter and problem solved.

Agree, there are nurses who work nights and either drop their child off at a babysitter's home or the babysitter sleeps in the family home.

[Farawyn]

Let's look at this from his perspective. He's working his buns off on nights, and going to school during the day, all while being a husband and a father. Then you tell him you have a job offer for nights. It's clear that his night job is secondary to his schooling, so in order for the child to be taken care of, the obvious choice is for the night job to go. He's putting in what appears to be a Herculean effort to provide for the family, and you want to throw a wrench in the gears. Perhaps it's to his credit that his only reaction was a "smug" remark?

Could your husband be a complete anal sphincter? Maybe. Might you be a whiny, emotional child? Maybe. It sounds like your marriage needs some guidance and support, in any event. I would wholeheartedly and sincerely advise you and your husband to set up a family meeting. Try to figure out what is going on, you're both adults and should be able to put away the emotions for 30 minutes. Perhaps you two have a spiritual adviser or a wise friend you both can seek some counsel from? Maybe counseling would be an option. Perhaps you guys simply need a vacation? In any event, there needs to be a bit more communication in your life, at least from looking through this tiny window you've posted about.

Ignoring all the emotional issues, here's some practical thoughts. You and your husband need to sit down a few nights this week and put a budget on paper. Perhaps you can live on one income if you cut back on the lifestyle? Cutting out the mani-pedis, Starbucks, golfing trips, and the classic car project for 6 months might free up enough cash. Maybe sell a motorcycle and some jewelry to create the extra income to power through?

If you can't make it work on one income, then you'll probably need to suck it up until your husband is finished with his schooling in 6 months. Your husband's education needs to be the priority because it solves many of these logistical and financial issues you're facing, assuming, of course, he's pursuing an education in something that makes him employable and generates a steady income. Once he gets a job in his field of study, that frees you up to pursue a day job or a night job, and let's you choose your place of employment. However, for the next 6 months, you don't have the option of working nights because your family simply can't afford it.

Now put the computer away and go talk to your husband. We are anonymous strangers who don't have a clue what's actually going on, and our advice is probably terrible. Seek some wise counsel from an in-real-life person. Create a list of priorities (marriage, communication, your employment satisfaction, his education, income, child) and determine which are the most important, then use this list to help guide you through the next 6 months.

This is great. I knee jerked reacted to the "smug" response. While I don't think OP should ignore that, I do think your reply showing a guys' perspective as well as the bigger picture is extremely valuable.

[Dranger]

High turnover/soulsucking ICU? Yup that's a normal ICU. A job is a job. It's only a 5 dollar raise because of differential? Nights get freaking old.

I don't understand what you want

[la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN]

6 months until he graduates? Take the job!!! Make. It. Work.

Pay bills with your credit card if you have to. There is absolutely no reason that you must sacrifice like that any longer. Any places you can cut back (ahem the smug beer budget ahem), do so just so the credit card bill does not become a bad burden. You can save on transportation costs? Make it happen if you want it that badly. Turn that crushing sadness into righteous rage, honey! YOU decide how this story goes.

[janeybirdRN]

Not sure why you applied for a shift you can't work. Looks like you set yourself up for that one. This is something you should talk with hubby about before you even apply. You're looking for a way to make him the bad guy by doing it the way you did.

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

If they really liked you that well, ask them if there are any vacancies on day shift. Call the person you interviewed with back and say that your home situation precludes working nights; is there going to be a day shift position opening up any time soon? You probably won't get anywhere with that, but it can't hurt to ask.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Eh, people's marriages are people's marriages. We all "put up with" and do or not do. Your marriage has a lot going on. You work days, he works nights, he goes to school, there's a child.....so any time that is free is perhaps to talk about bills.....sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get through. The click, beer, burp scenario would get old quick, but that is just me, and I don't walk in your shoes.

Here's a thought, There is more than one student (perhaps at your husband's school) who has to stay for summer classes, there may not be a dorm available, and could stay with your child at night while you work in exchange for a room. There are many students come fall who would rather be "commuter status" and live in your house for childcare at night. With summer coming, do you or your husband have a niece, nephew, cousin or other who would like to come stay with you for the summer and watch your child at night? Another thought is a college kid who wants to "spend the night" at your house 3 nights a week while you work. Most are up half the night doing papers anyways. And depending on your husband and your schedule, it may be just a night a week. Wifi and a printer, and this could work for you to have a responsible person. Your husband can research this on a college board--perhaps even a teaching student who would LOVE a recommendation for a masters program or scholarship. Even the neighbor's high school kid can be asked to work--sleepover on a weekend or something.

Best wishes!

[juju0889]

If spiritual person you should in God and he'll direct you in the right path. Don't give up on yourself there is a light a every tunnel😊😊😊