Yeah, you heard me right. I got offered a job and I can feel myself sinking into depression because of it.
Im married with 1 kid, my husband works nights and I work days full time. I've been a nurse a little over a year or so, and I was blessed enough to walk into a day shift job in an ICU for my first job.
the only problem is that my unit is in shambles. There's a lot to be learned there but we've had a high turnover rate due to consistent mismanagement. We're currently in the process of a management change. We've lost over half of our staff in the last 6 mos. my orientation was piss poor, and because I spoke out about it to my director, I've been a walking target ever since. Lots of lateral violence in this area.
oh, and when I tried to transfer out, my manager (who happens to be besties with the HR recruiter) saw to it that my application was never sent out to any other managers who wanted to hire me.
so I started looking elsewhere. I got three interviews in one week, I went on one yesterday and I got an offer this AM.
i want this job so bad I can taste it. 7 mins from home in a high acuity CTICU. so much to learn. And a 5 dollar pay raise.
but it's night shift, so if I take it, my husband has to quit his job, making me the sole breadwinner, and we can't afford that.
when I mentioned it to him, he responded in the most smug way: "Well I can just quit my job. And you can pay all of the bills." *pops beer can, sips, walks away*
he knows I can't afford all of the bills myself. And he knows how miserable I've been at my current job.
Sometimes I just get tired of sacrificing my needs for others. I hate this "stuck" feeling. I already stayed in this city away from family to be with him. Now I have to endure a miserable work environment for at least another 6 months until he graduates and finds another job because all of his classes are in the daytime. I just get sooooo tired of having to put myself on hold for everyone else. I give to my patients, I give to my child, and I give to my husband and at the end of the day I feel like I don't have anything left of me FOR ME when it's over.
I left that interview knowing I got the job and it made me sick to my stomach. Because I knew it was Just another opportunity I'm going to have to walk away from because of someone else. hearing that job offer in my voicemail brought literal tears to my eyes because I know I have to decline. I haven't been able to get out of bed all day. I am crushed.
