Crossed the line with a flirty family member. How to deal with ethical issues?

Nurses Relations

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Last time I worked I had a patient's husband try to set me up with his son. He kept asking if I was single and I finally said I had a boyfriend and we've been together 6 years. Later he kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't single. I finally said "I'm going through my stuff with my boyfriend and we are sort of in the middle of a breakup". An aide I heard me say this and said "OMG you are bad!" and laughed. I felt horrible after I said it. It is never OK to disclose personal stuff with family members or patients. Although my relationship has hit a rocky spot, that is something I realize now I should have never said. EVER. And I feel I lost the respect of my aide co-worker. The scenario keeps replaying in my head over and over during my two days off and I am so upset with myself for crossing the line and being unprofessional. How can I gain the respect of my coworker back. And how do you deal with pushy family members who flirt with you? As a new nurse this is the first time I have dealt with an issue like this. :(

Specializes in LTC Management, Community Nursing, HHC.
Scuba_NurseBSN said:
Last time I worked I had a patient's husband try to set me up with his son. He kept asking if I was single and I finally said I had a boyfriend and we've been together 6 years. Later he kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't single. I finally said "I'm going through my stuff with my boyfriend and we are sort of in the middle of a breakup". An aide I heard me say this and said "OMG you are bad!" and laughed. I felt horrible after I said it. It is never OK to disclose personal stuff with family members or patients. Although my relationship has hit a rocky spot, that is something I realize now I should have never said. EVER. And I feel I lost the respect of my aide co-worker. The scenario keeps replaying in my head over and over during my two days off and I am so upset with myself for crossing the line and being unprofessional. How can I gain the respect of my coworker back. And how do you deal with pushy family members who flirt with you? As a new nurse this is the first time I have dealt with an issue like this. :(

You do realize that this older "gentleman" was actually flirting with you himself, and not necessarily for his son, right? Either way, it's creepy and inappropriate. If he talks about personal stuff again, or even asks about your bf, or if you're still together, all you have to do is state that you shouldn't have discussed your personal life the other day, and you'd prefer not to discuss personal matters anymore. That's it.

With your co-worker, if it were me, I'd pull her aside, say that I was having a bad day that day when I gave out personal information, and that it's not something I generally do. That's it. She's not your manager, and you don't have to add fuel to the fire by giving her unnecessary information. All the best to you.

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I wouldn't worry about your coworker. They'll forget about it and move on, or they won't. I also wouldn't beat myself up too much about this event. You obviously didn't go into work today expecting to get hit on. Next time you'll be better prepared to handle it better. If that pt ends up being assigned to you again, I would ask for a change in assignment.

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

It's a little late to hit the Undo button here. If this family member presses again, say you and your boyfriend have reconciled (whether true or not) and change the topic. If they keep pressing, ask for a reassignment.

And lesson learned: keep your personal life private, especially if you are having any problems in said personal life.

It's also a wise idea to keep your personal life private among your coworkers as well. You may be closer to some over others and you may end up opening up more with them. But not everyone needs to know everything.

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Specializes in Pulmonary & Cardiothoracic Critical Care.

Also, just echoing Esme12's response and just would like to add this - don't be too hard on yourself. I agree with all the comments here and they're filled with all the "would've, should've and finger-wagging" - we are all human and we make mistakes. When you are fairly inexperienced, we are forced into this caregiver role and it takes awhile to find out your persona and comfort when caring for this patient. Yes, the patient's family went COMPLETELY over the line and by responding the way you did you might have enabled that person. The key is to just stop it in its tracks, when its inappropriate. But again we all make mistakes, I ended up dating a co-worker and that was not good - it created all sorts of problems. What I did was just deal with the fallout and move on.

I'm still learning to this day of things I would do differently, so I agree with what everyone's posted thus far, but its time for you to forgive yourself and move on. Don't be too hard since we make mistakes - yes you should keep work at work, and home at home (as a previous posted outlined).

All my support and am open to any feedback.

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Thank you. I kept beating myself up thinking I lost their respect as a role model. A lot of our aides are in nursing school, and as I nurse I always try to role model for them. This was definitely not something I role model does. But you are totally right. I'm sure they have forgotten about the incident and haven't wasted time thinking or dwelling on it like I have.

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You could always blame it on hospital policy. Tell him that you are not allowed to discuss your personal life with patients, that it's unethical to do so and it could get you in trouble with the hospital. I've done this before and it stops them in their tracks. Unless you happen to be talking to someone intoxicated that is! :nailbiting:

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Scuba_NurseBSN said:
Thank you. I kept beating myself up thinking I lost their respect as a role model. A lot of our aides are in nursing school, and as I nurse I always try to role model for them. This was definitely not something I role model does. But you are totally right. I'm sure they have forgotten about the incident and haven't wasted time thinking or dwelling on it like I have.

Don't be so sure she has forgotten or will forget. Just pray she keeps her mouth shut and does forget.

Do forgive yourself, do let her know (if you think it's a good idea) that you regret having been a bad role model in that one moment, and assure her that you plan to never make that mistake again.

NEVER DISCUSS YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS AT WORK WITH ANYONE EVER AGAIN. It will always be grist for the gossipers and it will always be misinterpreted, embellished, and come out worse in the translation.

Just do your best and may God bless you.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

I guess I am one of those bad jumping to the wrong conclusion people because I was actually glad after reading the topic that what happened didn't even come close to the line being crossed that I was envisioning after reading the title.

It sounds like you have learned a good lesson about not disclosing too much of your personal life to patients and yes, their families. I can totally see how this happened though. It's hard to know when a response to a personal question is perceived as either an invitation for even more personal questions or as rude. Heaven forbid in this culture of the customer is always right that you come off as rude and get yourself in hot water with management when some persistently questioning patient or family member complains that you were rude to them.

I don't think you even came to close to crossing any boundaries of inappropriateness here, but I bet going forward you will have a better response ready that makes it clear that you are not interested. You can even blame your lack of interest on your facility if you want. Just tell them that policies at work don't allow you to see patients or their families socially. This has the advantage of not only being the truth, but it also lets you off the hook as being looked at like you don't have any interest because of personal reasons.

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.

Forgive yourself for this very minor transgression. The patient's husband was the one who was really inappropriate. You got flustered by his questioning, which is what he wanted. Some men get off on flustering an attractive woman.

He is trying to sexualize you while you are at work. One thing that makes this very effective is that women often blame themselves when this happens.

This is why many attractive women have a reputation for being *******. They need to be very direct with unwanted advances. This type of man takes any kindness as a "go" signal.

This guy was more confusing because he uses his son as a cover.

In general I would advise you to state your role when someone asks you inappropriate questions or is hitting on you. For example, "I am the nurse."

If you become flustered, you need to get out of the situation. Ask to be reassigned in that case.

Good luck to you. It's very frustrating to not be taken seriously because you are a young attractive woman.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
blondy2061h said:
"This is the end of this conversation. Stop harassing me about it. Do you have any questions about your mother's care?"

If it continues it's appropriate to ask for reassignment.

While I agree that strong boundaries are necessary - I don't believe there is ever an excuse for a nurse to be rude or mean a simple "I don't discuss personal matter's at work. I would have taken his initial inquiry as a compliment. and said something like I appreciate your interest but I find it's best to keep my personal life away from the workplace.

Hppy

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Specializes in Adult Internal Medicine.

A simple "It's better for everyone if I keep my personal life out of my professional life" is often all it takes.

But, I also wouldn't feel too bad about what you did, tell your coworker to shut it.

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I agree with those who are saying to blame it on hospital policy, but make sure to say that you could "get in trouble" if you go against policy. If they perceive that they might be responsible for causing you problems at work they back right off. I've experienced this happen.

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