Crossed the line with a flirty family member. How to deal with ethical issues?

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Last time I worked I had a patient's husband try to set me up with his son. He kept asking if I was single and I finally said I had a boyfriend and we've been together 6 years. Later he kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't single. I finally said "I'm going through my stuff with my boyfriend and we are sort of in the middle of a breakup". An aide I heard me say this and said "OMG you are bad!" and laughed. I felt horrible after I said it. It is never OK to disclose personal stuff with family members or patients. Although my relationship has hit a rocky spot, that is something I realize now I should have never said. EVER. And I feel I lost the respect of my aide co-worker. The scenario keeps replaying in my head over and over during my two days off and I am so upset with myself for crossing the line and being unprofessional. How can I gain the respect of my coworker back. And how do you deal with pushy family members who flirt with you? As a new nurse this is the first time I have dealt with an issue like this. :(

Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

Keep home at home and work at work, best wishes

Specializes in Oncology.

"This is the end of this conversation. Stop harassing me about it. Do you have any questions about your mother's care?"

If it continues it's appropriate to ask for reassignment.

Definitely agree. I keep thinking of how i should have set a boundary right away. I have learned a lot from this and will remember to keep work and home separate at all times and to keep things professional.

Scuba_NurseBSN said:
Last time I worked I had a patient's husband try to set me up with his son. He kept asking if I was single and I finally said I had a boyfriend and we've been together 6 years.

Is it the patient's husband or the son doing the constant questioning? You say that he kept asking. How did you answer him the first times he asked you if you are single? What I'm wondering is, did you tell him that you don't wish to discuss your personal life with patients or their family members?

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Later he kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't single.

Before you answered that you are currently in a long-term relationship, his comments could be construed as him lacking awareness of nurse-patient/family boundaries but at this point I think that his questions moved into creepy territory. Most people if you tell them that you are in a steady relationship will respect the answer and not keep asking if you're really sure that you're actually in a relationship.

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And how do you deal with pushy family members who flirt with you?

I think that the best way to deal with patients or family members who cross boundaries is to nip the behavior in the bud. If I sense that type of behavior or am asked questions which are too personal in nature I will always be very direct and clear and explain that I'm there in a nursing capacity and that I won't answer questions about my personal life.

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I finally said "I'm going through my stuff with my boyfriend and we are sort of in the middle of a breakup".

What made you reply this way?

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Although my relationship has hit a rocky spot, that is something I realize now I should have never said. EVER. And I feel I lost the respect of my aide co-worker. The scenario keeps replaying in my head over and over during my two days off and I am so upset with myself for crossing the line and being unprofessional.

Live and learn. You can't change what has already happened, only how you deal with similar situations in the future. There's no point in beating yourself up. Just practise the art of establishing clear boundaries. They serve as protection for us as well as for our patients.

Good luck to you!

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"Oh I am flattered, but I'm afraid I can't mix business and pleasure."

@WKShadowRN

That's a very kind-spirited answer. I think that the risk though is that it can be misinterpreted. The wording can be interpreted as meaning that a relationship with him would be a pleasure and the nurse's job is the only thing that's preventing her from taking him up on his offer. A certain type of man will only try harder since he will see this as encouragement. They won't read that answer as a no, thank you. I think that it's important to be direct, especially with this kind of person who doesn't seem to let up. He asked over and over again.

When anyone asks you a personal question, in a shocked tone of voice say, "Why on earth would you want to know that!"

As to your co-worker losing respect for you....believe me you are not important enough in their lives that they spend their time thinking about some off the cuff comment you made. Now if a coworker knows you caused a sentinel event, overdosed a patient, gave a wrong drug, etc, that might be a different issue.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Scuba_NurseBSN said:
Definitely agree. I keep thinking of how I should have set a boundary right away. I have learned a lot from this and will remember to keep work and home separate at all times and to keep things professional.

((HUGS)) don't be that hard on your self and your co-worker is being a pain knowing it bothered you. I have always been hesitant and vague with questions about me and whether or not I was married (when I wasn't married) as I considered it a safety thing.

A smile and a...thanks but no thanks can't mix business with my personal life...but anything for you family member I'll be happy to help.

((HUGS)) forgive yourself.

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

"I am sorry, I hope you wouldn't mind if I will not discuss it" - first time.

"I do not want to speak about my personal life. Do you have any questions about (whatever is going on with the patient)"? - second time.

Third time - ask for reassignment STAT. If there any further questions, name things their proper name, which is harrassment.

Done, fits all sizes and situations. No trouble, ever.

Esme12 said:
((HUGS)) don't be that hard on your self and your co-worker is being a pain knowing it bothered you. I have always been hesitant and vague with questions about me and whether or not I was married (when I wasn't married) as I considered it a safety thing.

A smile and a...thanks but no thanks can't mix business with my personal life...but anything for you family member I'll be happy to help.

((HUGS)) forgive yourself.

I will keep practicing this in case I will make it in the nursing world.

Specializes in nursing education.

It is easier to just say "I'm married." I worked with a nurse who made up a long-term boyfriend for just such situations. No details, just to mention him (implying he would not be happy to have someone flirting with her).

As Esme12 said, you're human, live and learn. This is not the end of the world. He pushed, you said something you wish you hadn't, it went no further. Whew!

Specializes in LTC Management, Community Nursing, HHC.
Scuba_NurseBSN said:
Last time I worked I had a patient's husband try to set me up with his son. He kept asking if I was single and I finally said I had a boyfriend and we've been together 6 years. Later he kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't single. I finally said "I'm going through my stuff with my boyfriend and we are sort of in the middle of a breakup". An aide I heard me say this and said "OMG you are bad!" and laughed. I felt horrible after I said it. It is never OK to disclose personal stuff with family members or patients. Although my relationship has hit a rocky spot, that is something I realize now I should have never said. EVER. And I feel I lost the respect of my aide co-worker. The scenario keeps replaying in my head over and over during my two days off and I am so upset with myself for crossing the line and being unprofessional. How can I gain the respect of my coworker back. And how do you deal with pushy family members who flirt with you? As a new nurse this is the first time I have dealt with an issue like this. :(

You do realize that this older "gentleman" was actually flirting with you himself, and not necessarily for his son, right? Either way, it's creepy and inappropriate. If he talks about personal stuff again, or even asks about your bf, or if you're still together, all you have to do is state that you shouldn't have discussed your personal life the other day, and you'd prefer not to discuss personal matters anymore. That's it.

With your co-worker, if it were me, I'd pull her aside, say that I was having a bad day that day when I gave out personal information, and that it's not something I generally do. That's it. She's not your manager, and you don't have to add fuel to the fire by giving her unnecessary information. All the best to you.

I wouldn't worry about your coworker. They'll forget about it and move on, or they won't. I also wouldn't beat myself up too much about this event. You obviously didn't go into work today expecting to get hit on. Next time you'll be better prepared to handle it better. If that pt ends up being assigned to you again, I would ask for a change in assignment.

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