Cried at work today.

liv.415 · Jul 20, 2015

I'm not a nurse yet so I can't say anything about having a doctor yell at me. What I can identify with is being yelled at in general. In my previous profession, I was yelled at QUITE FREQUENTLY. At first I did the same and would cry about it silently in the bathroom, then I started to be less and less sensitive. It will eventually get to the point that it just starts being part of the job. Again, I'm not a nurse, but when dealing with difficult (and sometimes moody) people it's all the same. It'll get better â˜ºï¸

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2015

Does anyone else cry when frustrated or being berated? I want to be able to handle these situations with grace and not dissolve into a blubbering mess.

First of all, here's a hug. (((((HUGS))))) You've been through an emotional rollercoaster and need some support right now.

Since I have a detached personality due to childhood trauma, I don't cry at work because I don't become frustrated easily. My outlook may seem cold-hearted to some, but my patients and their families are not my friends. Therefore, I do not see their problems as my problems, and this outlook makes it easier for me to detach and compartmentalize when something goes wrong.

I also do not take personal offense when doctors throw hissy fits. Badly-behaved physicians are not losing one minute of sleep over nurses who cry when they yell insults or hang up in middle of a phone conversation. Therefore, I've decided I will not let certain people rent my valuable head space for free.

When at work, I emotionally detach myself from situations and put on my game face. Some people may think this is cold of me, but I do it for the sake of self-preservation.

Good luck to you.

Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN · Jul 20, 2015

The same thing happened to me once as a new grad, but it was because I felt unsure and helpless. I'm not normally an emotional person, so it made me feel like a real train wreck! Now that I have more confidence in my decisions, I'm never pushed to that point. At most, I get frustrated or annoyed.

I think you were right to call, by the way.

AutumnApple · Jul 20, 2015

Today I had a mini meltdown at work. I had a patient who was quiet ill and the earlier in the day, the family had requested a specialist consult. The nurse previous to me had checked with the hospitalist, who denied the family's request. The family had left at that time, and I'm not sure if this doctor's decision was communicated with them or not. However, when I came on shift, they returned and filled the room. When I entered, they started asking questions and I answered as best I could. Then they asked when the specialist was coming. When I explained to them it wasn't ordered, they became irate & demanded to get one involved.
I admit I was a bit intimidated by their attitude and numbers, so I caved. The hospitalist had left for the day but was still on call. When I paged him to ask him about the specialist as well as a few other questions the family had, he returned by call and ripped me apart for asking him about the specialist yet again when we he had already said no.
He hung up on me and I felt the tears coming. I excused myself to the restroom, took a few deep breaths, and did my best to return to work and talk with the family.
The hospitalist called back to apologize for his reaction an to address some of the other questions, and that almost restarted the flow of tears again.
I think I've been working too much OT lately. Does anyone else cry when frustrated or being berated? I want to be able to handle these situations with grace and not dissolve into a blubbering mess.

"I think I've been working too much OT lately."

Nuff said.

"I think, therefore I am."

You think you are working too much OT, you are.

You managed to handle a difficult situation without escalating what was a small disagreement (between the family and doctor) into a scene. You did wonderful.

So, what you gonna do with your time off since you've identified that OT is the problem? Any plans? Something you'd like to kick out of the bucket list? Or going to do a one day "stay-cation" to recover?

I can suggest a few good books if you choose the later.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jul 20, 2015

I also can be a crier. It is something that I work on. Since hitting the pre-menopausal age, it is hard to do.

In any event, just for future reference, I would get your charge nurse involved with cases like this. Family is asking for something that the hospitalist is declining. The charge nurse can assist you with communicating with the family.

And to create an alternate plan. Perhaps the family would like to follow up with the patient's PCP. And to ask the "what is the goal of this admission" to the hospitalist.

Best wishes!

chicookie, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2015

What I have found works for me when it's something like that is two things:

1) I would calmly explain to the family that while I understand their concern, I can not call the attending for that. After hours are for things that can not wait till morning. If you have a white board in the room, I would write it on there and say so that it can be a reminder when the attending gets here. I would also say something along the lines of if something comes up that I would have to call the attending, I will let the attending know that you are requesting this. I'm assuming you are night shift, so I would tell the family even if I had permission from the attending to call the specialist they will not be here till the morning anyway.

2) when talking to the attending, first I would ask the important stuff and then latch on oh also FYI, the family is upset the specialist wasn't requested.

I have learned to do that with certain MDs that way they don't think you are the one pushing it. Sometimes when the MD starts getting upset I say hey just doing my job, that's what the family wanted me to tell you so that's what I'm doing.

A lot of not people really back off when you say that. Not just MDs but I've had social workers, dietians, physical therapist back off too.

They still get upset but it's usually not directed at you.

sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN · Jul 20, 2015

((Warm hugs)), Thank you for being human and great patient advocate, In my state, patient can or family (sorta part of patient bill of rights).....also the hospitality can be fired, and new attending acquired, Hopefully not necessary.

you are my kind of nurse......one bit of caution, Done get perceived as "alienation of dr. Patient relationship"....involve case mgr, patient advocate or social worker....

middleagednurse · Jul 20, 2015

You're only human. I've been a nurse for 44 years and I still cry on occasion. Nursing is stressful.

~PedsRN~, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2015

((HUGS))

Next time tell the doctor you need him to come up and explain to that family why he refuses to consult with the specialist because they aren't listening to you. It's the magic of the white coat. Let him get told off by the family. I will pass that buck all day, every day.

AJJKRN · Jul 20, 2015

I don't cry often at work but I have on very few occasions cried when being caught off guard by someone blatantly disrespecting me (like an MD and adding the stress of freaking out Pt and/or family). I know the main reason I cried was I that I was just so mad but in the same respect I couldn't believe what had just happened to me...behavior that was just uncalled for! Compound that with exhaustion from overtime and it would be almost inevitable. ((((HUGS))))

JustBeachyNurse, LPN · Jul 20, 2015

You sound tired which lowers your emotional response threshold. Several good suggestions have been given here how to move forward and perhaps change your syntax so if a provider overreacts its less likely to be directed at you. Hang in there!