Today I had a mini meltdown at work. I had a patient who was quiet ill and the earlier in the day, the family had requested a specialist consult. The nurse previous to me had checked with the hospitalist, who denied the family's request. The family had left at that time, and I'm not sure if this doctor's decision was communicated with them or not. However, when I came on shift, they returned and filled the room. When I entered, they started asking questions and I answered as best I could. Then they asked when the specialist was coming. When I explained to them it wasn't ordered, they became irate & demanded to get one involved.
I admit I was a bit intimidated by their attitude and numbers, so I caved. The hospitalist had left for the day but was still on call. When I paged him to ask him about the specialist as well as a few other questions the family had, he returned by call and ripped me apart for asking him about the specialist yet again when we he had already said no.
He hung up on me and I felt the tears coming. I excused myself to the restroom, took a few deep breaths, and did my best to return to work and talk with the family.
The hospitalist called back to apologize for his reaction an to address some of the other questions, and that almost restarted the flow of tears again.
I think I've been working too much OT lately. Does anyone else cry when frustrated or being berated? I want to be able to handle these situations with grace and not dissolve into a blubbering mess.
Yep, yep, and yep - I was actually nodding my head passionately reading along with TheCommuter and TriciaJ those last two posts.
I always wonder what makes people so entitled to their tantrums, and why others let them get away with it so easily. "She just cussed you out? Well, she's in pain," "Oh, she tried to hit me, but that's okay because she feels bad and just threw up," etc. I have felt sick, sad, angry, frustrated, whatever but I can only recall one time in my life I have taken it out on another person. It was a poor, pitiful soul working the McDonald's drive through window about five years ago, and I still feel bad for being snippy with her.
Nobody has to throw a tantrum or be ugly to you because things aren't going their way. People that do so are choosing that behavior, probably because they think it's going to get them better results of some sort. The best way to show them it's not are to say things like, "I'll come back when you're calmer." If they get no results when they act out, they sometimes magically become more polite. Funny how that works.
When you find out how not to react much to being berated, let me know! I don't think I'd handle it well...but maybe...maybe...just maybe I could hold it together. It depends on how harsh the provider was.
Add- I've never really been yelled at in all the years I've been a nurse...but I am not sure if I might cry or yell back!
I've cried at work a handful of times. Mainly from the lack of teamwork and unprofessionalism at my work. I had one patient fall and had to send him to the ER (I work LTC) and before the medics even took my patient, the DON was wanting me to give her the incident report so she could leave at such and such time. I was the only nurse on the unit and instead of helping me, she gets firm with me for not getting a peice of paper filled out. I had TWO falls within TEN minutes of each other because my CNA was missing off the unit. Other times I'll be overwhelmed just to walk down the hall and magically a new patient shows up I had no idea was coming. I mainly cry from other people's attitudes. I once had CNAs chatting in a empty room with the door closed, 5 call lights going off, I'm behind with my job and I ask the CNAs to help with the lights. Instead of an OK, I get yelled at that "nurses need to answer lights too." ***
Sorry had to vent.
Pretty much, my patients don't upset me but just the lack of support is what gets me.
I cry when I'm frustrated or angry. One of my ears will turn Rudolph red, and I break out into bright red blotches across my neck and chest. My allergist tells me that the blotchiness are some sort of histamine mediated response to stress for which Benadryl before bed every night seems to help:)
... Does anyone else cry when frustrated or being berated? I want to be able to handle these situations with grace and not dissolve into a blubbering mess.
Absolutely. I want the same outcome, but for me, it's just not realistic with chronic sleep-deprivation (and the poor nutrition and stress hormones that seem to come with that.)
Be gentle with yourself and perhaps back off from some of the OT.
I'm not a crier but I have become very frustrated when I'm put in the middle of things. I've had a couple doctors yell at me over the phone and one to even cuss me out (I reported him) and I tell them in a calm voice to please not raise your voice at me. If they continue I will tell them I'm going to end this call if you don't stop raising your voice. I document everything that was said also.
I also use this technique in person too. I tell them to not raise their voice at me and if they can not talk to me in a normal tone, then I'm walking away. I tell them I will return when they are calm and if they can not calm down then I will direct them to the charge nurse or nurse manager because I refuse to be spoken to in that manner. Usually I would walk away and find the charge nurse or nurse manager just to give them a heads up.
I refuse to be yelled at, cussed out or disrespected by anyone and especially at work. I didn't make the patient sick, I don't apologize when calling a doctor, I'm not the enemy and I'm here to help and will not be abused in the process.
Does anyone else cry when frustrated or being berated? I want to be able to handle these situations with grace and not dissolve into a blubbering mess.
I do the exact thing. Sometimes on an unusually stressful, busy day when I am tired, something might just be the last straw and I just break into tears. I know they are coming, and I try with all my will, but dang it, the tears come anyway. It's embarrassing.
So just in comment to this, I myself am a case manager and have been a nurse since 2004. Being a case manager is a difficult job sometimes however case managers are really not there to help get you out of any hostile or any situation with a patient. We are definitely there to listen and help guide you if need us but the first think that needs to be done is to contact the hospitalist office and talk to the doctor in charge. If u feel that the specialist is warranted for this family. In terms of crying. You have to cry every now and then. What makes you a great nurse is that you do care and you are an advocate for your patients in every way. Don't be the nurse that holds back and shows no heart. But don't let a physician bring you to tears and he did the right thing by calling you back to apologize. I would and could tell u that it gets easier but it doesn't. I don't know if you have your BSN degree but you learn a lot about how to deal emotionally with families and how to speak with people in general. The classes are very informative and helped me to grow and to become a better nurse. Good Luck in the future.
calivianya, BSN, RN
2,418 Posts
Yep, yep, and yep - I was actually nodding my head passionately reading along with TheCommuter and TriciaJ those last two posts.
I always wonder what makes people so entitled to their tantrums, and why others let them get away with it so easily. "She just cussed you out? Well, she's in pain," "Oh, she tried to hit me, but that's okay because she feels bad and just threw up," etc. I have felt sick, sad, angry, frustrated, whatever but I can only recall one time in my life I have taken it out on another person. It was a poor, pitiful soul working the McDonald's drive through window about five years ago, and I still feel bad for being snippy with her.
Nobody has to throw a tantrum or be ugly to you because things aren't going their way. People that do so are choosing that behavior, probably because they think it's going to get them better results of some sort. The best way to show them it's not are to say things like, "I'll come back when you're calmer." If they get no results when they act out, they sometimes magically become more polite. Funny how that works.