Covid wedding... am I the bad guy?

Nurses COVID

Updated:   Published

My brother had a wedding planned for august. covid is just now spiking where I live, I work in critical care, and have been taking every precaution to keep myself, my wife, and our two young children safe. We are ‘healthy’ and in our 30s but my wife has asthma. They now are thinking about reducing number of guests (not confirmed). I told him I cannot guarantee my presence at the wedding and he now says he doesn’t want to get married if I can’t come. I am annoyed he’s putting this on me. I get he wants me there but I have to do what’s best for me and my family. Some family friends just all tested positive after a small graduation gathering. I see this as no different. I cannot foresee what life will be like in two months with how rapidly the number of cases and patients has increased in the last couple weeks. Am I the bad guy for telling him to take me out of the equation and he can prop me up on an ipad if we have to? Thanks for any input.

Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
On 6/23/2020 at 10:47 AM, A Hit With The Ladies said:

Uhm.... the only person he should really care about showing up if he wants to get married would be his fiancé (or fiancée).

I'd be annoyed, too. You're in the right here.

I am going to agree too. Honestly if he is willing to sack his marriage over an absent sibling I wonder if he is just looking for an out...LOL?

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Specializes in Psych.

Well, it's not exactly a Romeo and Juliet-style story! ?

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

Look at the facts. Discuss it with your wife and make the decision that you want to make for your family. If that is to miss this wedding, don't let him guilt-trip you. (Though personally, I would probably choose to go to the wedding. Maybe you could go alone and then self-quarantine to minimize your wife's risk.)

If he and his fiance don't want to delay the wedding ... they can settle for a smaller one. They might even plan a tiny one, with plans to have a large reception in a year or so after this is over (and there is an effective vaccine, etc.) I have a close friend whose son is doing that -- ceremony in July, reception next year (tentitively).

My mother did something like that when she remarried in her 70's. She and my stepfather had a tiny ceremony with no guests -- not even their kids attended. Then, a couple of months later when it was more convenient they had a big reception to celebrate.

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On 6/21/2020 at 8:20 PM, zoidberg said:

Am I the bad guy for telling him to take me out of the equation

No, you are not. Any sentient being watching the news yesterday would agree.

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

The wedding could always be Zoomed

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Go. Wear a mask. Leave the family home.

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Specializes in SCRN.

I'm surprised you are asking for advice. He is your brother, go to the wedding. There is compromise- wear a mask, go alone.

I would go to my sister's wedding.

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I said the same thing. Wear a mask. If you want to protect your family. Keep them home

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Thanks for the input everyone.

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Specializes in Critical care, tele, Medical-Surgical.

A surgical or cloth mask will not protect you. I would feel OK if I had an N95 to wear. Otherwise I would regretfully not attend.

PS: When someone asked my mother whether to marry their boyfriend or girlfriend she would answer. "No." When they inevitably asked, "Why?" she said, "Because only if you would marry in spite of what I think, is it the best choice for you."

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Gosh, I certainly do not think you are the bad guy in this at all! I actually think your brother is (sorry,I am sure you love him, I don't mean to be nasty about it), for putting this on you. He should absolutely understand how you feel, especially as you work in critical care and especially as your wife has asthma! The right/loving/mature response from him would have been something like, "Man, I hate that you might not be there, it won't be the same without you. I will really miss you. But due to the circumstances, I sure do understand, and I hope you folks continue to be safe and healthy. Just let me know, when things improve, whenever that is, maybe the four of us can take a little trip or something together, something special we can all share." I hate it when friends or relatives do this kind of thing. You end up feeling or looking like the bad guy when you are not. And why the hell aren't people taking a pandemic seriously? I mean, it's killing people! Does he really think you should risk your wife's health (and your own) by going? And I would not be sure I would want to include a relative/friend who works in healthcare at this time! No, you are NOT the bad guy!

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Specializes in Ortho, CMSRN.

I'd go if he wants it that badly. Leave the wife and family at home. Wear a mask. Don't eat, don't sing. He needs to know you're there for him, but treat him with the same caution you'd use with a hospitalized patient. My family is staunchly Republican, and therefore, anti-mask. When our numbers were plumeting where I live, we chose to go to a wedding. The Saturday of the wedding, my husband had a cough and felt bad. He blamed it on not changing out his vape coil prior to the trip. Went to the wedding, and I went to work on Sunday and Monday. By Monday night, I was experiencing extreme fatigue and a slight cough. Waiting on covid testing. Could just be a Summer cold, and I hope so. I shudder to think that we could have exposed people unbeknownst. The dumb thing about this virus is that it starts out small and you think it's nothing, while exposing others. Cant take your chances.

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