Compassion.... why is it so hard to give some?

[NurseLoveJoy88]

Yesterday, I worked as a sitter and had one particular pt. that really touched my heart. We were talking and she revealed to me about how hurt she was.

I asked her to continue on and this is what she told me:

She said last night a nurse attempted to stick her to draw blood but she requested that the nurse use a different area because her veins are small and she usually feels pain. The nurse responded twice that " He doesn't care" she replied " I know you don't care but I do"

He then replied again that he doesn't care for a second time. She said the way he said it was so cold and so disrespectful. She said that she was so hurt that she wanted to leave the hospital. She said that nurses should be affectionate and compassionate and when they don't it really hurts and makes patients feel worthless.

This is not the first time I've seen and heard of nurses showing little to no compassion. I worked with a nurse last week in CCU and his patient was very restless and agitated. He told me right in front of the patient that he had no sympathy for her and that she was just " showing off" and how he felt that it was completly behavioral.

This women was 1 day post-op and I asked him when the last time she had pain med because the way she was acting indicated that she may be in pain. Anyway, I was shocked and appalled at his behavior.

I may not have worked as a nurse yet so I don't know how stressful it can be. However, before I get to the point where I show no more compassion I rather turn in my nursing license. It literally breaks my heart on how nurses can be so inconsiderate.

Anyone can read a text book and pass a nursing exam. Anyone can do extremely well in clinicals taking care of 1-2 patients and providing competent care. But it takes a special someone to actually care and show compassion and at the same time providing competent care.

I don't pray for the perfect job, or making over 20 bucks an hour. I pray that I will be a caring, compassionate giving, and competent nurse. I'm sure I'll get overwhelmed at times , patients will test my tolerance and that I may make mistakes. I may even get accused of not being competent or making too many mistakes, but one thing that won't be mistaken is the compassion that I have in my heart for patients. :heartbeat:redbeathe

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

sorry, couldn't help it. there are very few people on the planet that lack the capacity for compassion. those that do are called sociopaths. yeah, i'm a nurse, but i am a human being first, and odds are i'm not a sociopath. if i don't behave in the way you think i should, according to your ideals, why is the first assumption always that i lack compassion and should not be a nurse?

attagirl, virgo! i wish i'd written that post!

[nvsmom]

Sorry, couldn't help it. There are very few people on the planet that lack the capacity for compassion. Those that do are called sociopaths. Yeah, I'm a nurse, but I am a human being first, and odds are I'm not a sociopath. If I don't behave in the way you think I should, according to your ideals, why is the first assumption always that I lack compassion and should not be a nurse?

I stated, if. I don't know the answer to that question, which I can't answer for you.

[Goingthere]

Compassion is draining-so I give empathy. Besides, after dealing with crappy personalities-especially N students-you get worn out.

[AmbitiousNurse16]

You are such a compassionate person and thats why this is the perfect career field for you

[NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN]

don't judge until you've walked a mile in our shoes.

in the first place, patients sometimes misremember things that happen to them, especially if those things happen at night, after they've received a sleeping med or a pain med. things may or may not have happened as your patient said they did. if they did happen that way, i'm very sorry for her, but i've seen many patients try to drive a wedge between staff members by badmouthing the nurse on the last shift. the idea that your patient was "so hurt they wanted to leave the hospital" makes me wonder if indeed it is the case of a patient being manipulative. it may very well be that the incident didn't happen, didn't happen the way she remembered it, or didn't happen the way she deliberately described it. and even if it did happen, there are explanations -- maybe it was a very important lab, that was the only vein she had, and the nurse was very frustrated trying to get blood from it.

you said it yourself. you're not a nurse yet. but instead of being understanding of the stresses of nursing that you know you know nothing about, most of your post is judging nurses for lacking compassion. then you get very self-righteous about how much compassion you have. you're judging things that you don't understand.

compassion . . . why is it so difficult to give some to your future colleagues?

for some reason this post stayed in my mind and i must say that after being a nurse i still pretty much had a valid point at that time. while i know how stressful nursing is i still say that some nurses lack empathy and do need to be a little more gentle. so ruby i've walked in the shoes of a nurse and i do have a better understanding of the stress we go through. it feels so good to come back to post.

[NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN]

I remember those days that I was a student...me, self-rightous with my 1-2 patients, maybe 4 max, and taking the time to talk/know their story, talk, talk, give meds, slowly explain procedures...do them right away instead of having to go see a admission, etc.....I thought that the staff nurses were uncaring due to whatever reason...but I thought that the reason was that they didn't care anymore....

Then I became a nurse.

OVERNIGHT, i became responsible for ALL the care a patient received while I was on duty...often coming in to 4-6 patients and a admission that may have been there for a hour already before I came on shift.....patients who don't know their dosages of meds, just "i take 1 and a half blue pills, i think they're a triangle"....well, I need a little more to go on. I am friendly and try to get along with all my patients...but it doesn't always work....I can give care without having the greatest rapport with my patients, but it hurts me. It hurts that the environment has become one where I am a pill popping, catheter inserting, IV starting machine.....I am never above shaving, bathing, or changing someone...if I have that time....changing for sure, the shaving and bathing depends on how my night is going.

Don't judge em too harshly, if they needed a sitter, they may have been a little confused. Those sitter patients are the same ones who try to pull out everything in sight, yell, and don't understand when we stick or do things it's to help them. wait for the day you have a license, then come back and tell us what you learned.

I have a license now and I have learned so much. I have learned that some patients are manipulative. I have been lied on plenty of times. However, I still stand by my OP. I am an advocate for patients and if a patient reports something whether its true or false then it needs to be documented and investigated. Do I judge my coworkers ? No. One thing I have learned is that we have all different personalities in nursing and its too bad the patients get it taken out on them.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I completely disagree here. If you can't find a vein, you're having a bad day rather than taking it out ony our patient you need to behave like a PROFESSIONAL and seek counselling, take time off work, try and resolve any issues or even find work somewhere else if your working conditions are leading to this sort of behaviour. As nurses we have the responsibility to treat patients with dignity and respect, you NEVER say I don't care to a patient. It's unprofessional and does not comply with any nursing standard that I'm aware of.

I've never said it, but I've thought it, and have no guilt at all.

Got a man who was writhing in pain and the meds given absolutely knocked him out. I looked over and he was a shocking shade of gray, sats in the 40's. So I called for help, got the O2 out, started yelling at him and rubbing his chest. and he slowly came back to the 90's. I was standing there to see if he would breathe without stimulation, and putting the EKG moniter on, and his wife started asking me about his night meds. Do we have them, they are very important, do we have the right dose, he needs them soon. THE MAN IS UNCONCIOUS. She started digging them out of her purse, thinking it would be best if we gave them now, and what about the med he was on two weeks ago, could that have made him sick, and should I call the PCP to find out? He's on nighttime meds you know, and he didn't take them yet (it's 2000), and don't I think he should? I was only vaguely following her train of thought, having issues with watching his airway, and I said "no, no medications right now." HE'S NOT CONCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN HIS OWN AIRWAY. Wife rather put out asked if I thought I should discuss that with the doctor. Nope. I'm pretty sure about this one. "Well he takes them every evening."

I didn't CARE about his po meds. Do you know how hard it is to think with someone chattering away? New monitors, alarms, extra staff, IV access, I explained the why behind every new line, and she wants to give a sleeping pill, for what? I came this ( ) close to saying "I don't care about his meds right now," and now you know why that might come out of the mouth of a caring nurse.

This crap happens about once a week.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

Just one thing I'd like to add to this discussion -

I wish there was more kindness being shown to patients and fellow coworkers by many nurses.

There are many efficient and satisfactory nurses where I work - however many of them are not particularly kind people. I'm not saying they are mean or awful ... they are efficient as their patients get their needed medications, position changes, pad changes etc promptly.

They are pleasant to their patients ... but there isn't much kindness.

Instead of lamenting why there isn't enough compassion ; too much compassion can lead to compassion fatique and burnout.

Why not focus on providing kindness instead.

Very helpful to p'ts and also to nurses who shouldn't become so burned out

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

imo it is never ok to tell a pt "i dont care" or say in front of a pt "i have no sympathy for her" there is absolutely no situation where that is justified.

ok, so what about my drunken guy who drove in to the er after cutting off his 3yo daughter's pinkie finger by mistake making supper. he carried her in but couldn't speak, just pointed at her finger and said "cut, cut." he wouldn't sit still, he kept picking her up and dropping her (he was too drunk to stand, and too stupid to sit), once the iv was in he kept poking at it and she would cry. she cried harder when he was gone though, so we did a 1-1 to minimize the damage he could do. she lost the finger.

four months later he came in after a dui that severed his spine. he was alone in the car without a seatbelt. i have absolutely no sympathy for him, he had his warning shot and chose to ignore it. i was livid when i left work the night his daughter came in, if i hadn't been the nurse i could have cheerfully taken him out back and punched the snot out of him. so a student might not yet understand where those feelings come from, but you can be darn sure experienced nurses do.

[nursel56]

I remember this thread==blast from the past== It certainly points out a couple of things - it really is true how your outlook changes with time - and the best nurses are those who can take their knocks and come back out here keeping a great attitude . ..kudos to Nurselovejoy88

[SkiMama]

If I ever get to the point where I am assuming that a pt is lying - w/o evidence, b/c I have come to adopt the generalization that all pts lie - stick a fork in me.

I have had many days at work where I am pulled in 25 different directions and certain pts are needing more attention, more assistance, just more of anything - but no matter what is going on, what I am listening to, what I am thinking, I always try to slow down and BE in that moment with that pt, remain professional and do my job - with respect and compassion.

And to the NS aspect of the thread. I am not a know it all NS, but am eager to learn and will ask ?s. You'd betta believe it! Thank you to all the nurses who are great leaders by example!

[SkiMama]

DOH! Look at that date... back to studying, and working on my attention to detail... the compassion and empathy just come naturally