Compassion.... why is it so hard to give some?

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Specializes in LTC.

Yesterday, I worked as a sitter and had one particular pt. that really touched my heart. We were talking and she revealed to me about how hurt she was.

I asked her to continue on and this is what she told me:

She said last night a nurse attempted to stick her to draw blood but she requested that the nurse use a different area because her veins are small and she usually feels pain. The nurse responded twice that " He doesn't care" she replied " I know you don't care but I do"

He then replied again that he doesn't care for a second time. She said the way he said it was so cold and so disrespectful. She said that she was so hurt that she wanted to leave the hospital. She said that nurses should be affectionate and compassionate and when they don't it really hurts and makes patients feel worthless.

This is not the first time I've seen and heard of nurses showing little to no compassion. I worked with a nurse last week in CCU and his patient was very restless and agitated. He told me right in front of the patient that he had no sympathy for her and that she was just " showing off" and how he felt that it was completly behavioral.

This women was 1 day post-op and I asked him when the last time she had pain med because the way she was acting indicated that she may be in pain. Anyway, I was shocked and appalled at his behavior.

I may not have worked as a nurse yet so I don't know how stressful it can be. However, before I get to the point where I show no more compassion I rather turn in my nursing license. It literally breaks my heart on how nurses can be so inconsiderate.

Anyone can read a text book and pass a nursing exam. Anyone can do extremely well in clinicals taking care of 1-2 patients and providing competent care. But it takes a special someone to actually care and show compassion and at the same time providing competent care.

I don't pray for the perfect job, or making over 20 bucks an hour. I pray that I will be a caring, compassionate giving, and competent nurse. I'm sure I'll get overwhelmed at times , patients will test my tolerance and that I may make mistakes. I may even get accused of not being competent or making too many mistakes, but one thing that won't be mistaken is the compassion that I have in my heart for patients. :heartbeat:redbeathe

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

don't judge until you've walked a mile in our shoes.

in the first place, patients sometimes misremember things that happen to them, especially if those things happen at night, after they've received a sleeping med or a pain med. things may or may not have happened as your patient said they did. if they did happen that way, i'm very sorry for her, but i've seen many patients try to drive a wedge between staff members by badmouthing the nurse on the last shift. the idea that your patient was "so hurt they wanted to leave the hospital" makes me wonder if indeed it is the case of a patient being manipulative. it may very well be that the incident didn't happen, didn't happen the way she remembered it, or didn't happen the way she deliberately described it. and even if it did happen, there are explanations -- maybe it was a very important lab, that was the only vein she had, and the nurse was very frustrated trying to get blood from it.

you said it yourself. you're not a nurse yet. but instead of being understanding of the stresses of nursing that you know you know nothing about, most of your post is judging nurses for lacking compassion. then you get very self-righteous about how much compassion you have. you're judging things that you don't understand.

compassion . . . why is it so difficult to give some to your future colleagues?

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Specializes in RN in LTC.

I could not agree with you more! I know I only have a little over a year of experience working in LTC. I have 30 residents I take care of. I work the midnight shift. No matter what is going on in my personal life i NEVER show it to my residents. when I am on the job I belong to them. The other morning one lady remarked that I am always pleasant when I wake her up in the morning for her meds. I told her to let me know if that ever changes because it will be time for me to find another job. I love my job and I love my residents.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Have you ever heard of a phenomenon called 'compassion fatigue'? Please click on the link to read more about the condition.

In addition, a nonjudgmental attitude will work wonders in life. I might seem like an uncaring person while I am at work, but I do care deep down. My main issue is the fact that all of the human suffering that occurs around me is making me sick, so I try to not take every single workplace situation to heart. I'd cry and become depressed if I didn't exercise some professional distance.

Also, the person who drew the lady's blood probably was a phlebotomist or lab technician, not a nurse. Many patients do not know who is caring for them during their hospital stay since everyone wears scrubs.

Compassion fatigue, also known as a Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a term that refers to a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among victims of trauma and individuals that work directly with victims of trauma. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. [1] Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue

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Specializes in LTC.
don't judge until you've walked a mile in our shoes.

in the first place, patients sometimes misremember things that happen to them, especially if those things happen at night, after they've received a sleeping med or a pain med. things may or may not have happened as your patient said they did. if they did happen that way, i'm very sorry for her, but i've seen many patients try to drive a wedge between staff members by badmouthing the nurse on the last shift. the idea that your patient was "so hurt they wanted to leave the hospital" makes me wonder if indeed it is the case of a patient being manipulative. it may very well be that the incident didn't happen, didn't happen the way she remembered it, or didn't happen the way she deliberately described it. and even if it did happen, there are explanations -- maybe it was a very important lab, that was the only vein she had, and the nurse was very frustrated trying to get blood from it.

you said it yourself. you're not a nurse yet. but instead of being understanding of the stresses of nursing that you know you know nothing about, most of your post is judging nurses for lacking compassion. then you get very self-righteous about how much compassion you have. you're judging things that you don't understand.

compassion . . . why is it so difficult to give some to your future colleagues?

i'm truly sorry if i came across as judgemental. that was not my intention at all. i can totally see where you are coming from. you're right i'm not a nurse yet and i'm sure they're will be some tough days head of me once i start working. however, i do mean what i said. if i ever get to the point where i can no longer show compassion, i rather leave the field of nursing. my mother is a nurse and i have lots of friends whom are nurses and i did make it through a nursing program, so i do have a slight understanding of nursing. i haven't worked as a nurse but i have worked as a tech. i've been called names, hit, punched, and accused falsely by patients. some where mentally ill and some where down right mean. i can honestly say that even after all of that, i still showed them compassion. once again, i'm sorry if you feel that i'm being judgemental. i promise that 1 year from now and again 5 years from now after working as a nurse, i will still feel the same way. i don't have to walk a mile in your shoes , to realize that no matter what the circumstances are, i refuse to work as a non-compassionate nurse.

thanks for your post !

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Specializes in LTC.
have you ever heard of a phenomenon called 'compassion fatigue'? please click on the link to read more about the condition.

in addition, a nonjudgmental attitude will work wonders in life. i might seem like an uncaring person while i am at work, but i do care deep down. my main issue is the fact that all of the human suffering that occurs around me is making me sick, so i try to not take every single workplace situation to heart. i'd cry and become depressed if i didn't exercise some professional distance.

also, the person who drew the lady's blood probably was a phlebotomist or lab technician, not a nurse. many patients do not know who is caring for them during their hospital stay since everyone wears scrubs.

you are totally correct. however, are you saying that if it was a phlebotmoist or lab technician that said this that it would still be ok ? and what about the nurse that i heard with my own ears tell a pt. that he had no sympathy for the her ? well i guess he was suffering from compassion fatigue.... :zzzzz

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/compassion_fatigue

thanks for the additional info.

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Specializes in being a Credible Source.
She said that nurses should be affectionate and compassionate and when they don't it really hurts and makes patients feel worthless.
I certainly don't want my nurse to be affectionate. Compassion and empathy are good but affection? Give me a break.

I don't have to like my patients in order to provide them excellent care. It does make it easier for both of us, but it's not strictly necessary = which is a darn good thing because some patients are... very difficult to like.

For that matter, I don't think compassion is strictly necessary if one is a professional nurse who takes the role seriously. Whether one is compassionate or not, a professional would certainly consider input from a patient regarding the best choice for venipuncture sites. A professional would also recognize that minimizing pain and physical/emotional discomfort are primary nursing functions and responsibilities. A professional also would recognize that nursing includes a substantial customer-service component.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

I remember when I was in school, and thought some of the nurses were the most heartless things I'd ever seen. But let me tell you something you need to remember:

Patients lie. Patients lie. Patients lie. And I don't mean a few, I mean at least about half. And they will play you like a piano if you let them.

They will lie about their drug/ETOH abuse -- they will deny that they drink when they are so drunk you're getting tipsy off their breath. It's gotten to the point that during the admission interview I want to say, "keeping in mind I've seen your drug screen and ETOH levels, would you like to tell me what you take and how often?"

They will do ANYTHING for narcotics. Including lying about having cancer and being in desperate need of narcotics -- and when you call the cancer doc to see if they need chemo/radiation set up, he tells you that they have been telling every hospital and clinic within 50 miles that he's treating them and they've run out of pain medicine, when he's never had them as a patient, and a chest xray shows no lung CA or missing lung (althought the lack of scars was a hint).

I've had a patient who would pull her IV pump over and turn it wide open (999 cc/hr) so the vein would blow and she'd HAVE to get stuck again. She liked it and played the drama for all she could with a new nurse -- I mean, she'd wake up when you'd go in to get a IV pump reading and start moaning and screaming that she was in agony and had been awake for hours (when she'd been snoring when you came in)and then fall asleep before she could swallow her MS Contin.. We finally got a TLC put into her, and another nurse caught her yanking on it for all she was worth, trying to pull it out, too, and then wanting demerol for the pain in the TLC!

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It doesn't matter if the employee is a nurse, phlebotomist, or CNA. It doesn't matter if they are working OT, floating to another unit, or if their dog died just before they came to work. It is never ok to tell a pt "I don't Care". If a pt told me this story, I would call our pt rep and let her investigate who, what, etc. It is very hard sometimes to put on a professional face when I enter certain rooms but that is professionalism.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.
and even if it did happen, there are explanations -- maybe it was a very important lab, that was the only vein she had, and the nurse was very frustrated trying to get blood from it.

if that was the case, i wonder if the nurse (or tech) told the patient that?

i had a procedure a few months ago, and i was very surprised when one nurse tried to sneak in a iv while the other asked me questions. there was no warning, no one said "i'm going to start an iv", she just grabbed my arm and started swabbing. maybe she didn't think i would notice.

i've dealt with plenty of confused patients in my career so far. i still think if a patient requests something that's not completely outrageous, like not doing in phlebotomy in a certain place, that request should be honored. if it can't, someone should explain why.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
if that was the case, i wonder if the nurse (or tech) told the patient that?

i had a procedure a few months ago, and i was very surprised when one nurse tried to sneak in a iv while the other asked me questions. there was no warning, no one said "i'm going to start an iv", she just grabbed my arm and started swabbing. maybe she didn't think i would notice.

i've dealt with plenty of confused patients in my career so far. i still think if a patient requests something that's not completely outrageous, like not doing in phlebotomy in a certain place, that request should be honored. if it can't, someone should explain why.

the nurse, tech, phlebotomist, intern, resident or attending physician -- or all of the above -- could have explained to the patient why the lab was needed and that was the only vein she had and if she was elderly, confused or under the influence of drugs she might not have remembered. or she might have remembered but wanted to enjoy a little staff splitting. or it made a great story and she liked getting sympathy.

in general, i've found student nurses quick to jump to the conclusion that nurses lack compassion, are mean to patients or whatever because they don't have the experience to understand that patients lie. patients misremember. patients manipulate. patients forget.

i would hope that all of my colleagues are gracious, hardworking and compassionate (no, i'm not smoking anything illegal) and while i know this is not always the case i also know that the horror stories patients tell about how the previous shift abused them are not always accurate either. one should have compassion toward one's patients. absolutely they should. but one should also have compassion toward one's fellow professionals.

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I certainly don't want my nurse to be affectionate. Compassion and empathy are good but affection? Give me a break.

I don't have to like my patients in order to provide them excellent care. It does make it easier for both of us, but it's not strictly necessary = which is a darn good thing because some patients are... very difficult to like.

For that matter, I don't think compassion is strictly necessary if one is a professional nurse who takes the role seriously. Whether one is compassionate or not, a professional would certainly consider input from a patient regarding the best choice for venipuncture sites. A professional would also recognize that minimizing pain and physical/emotional discomfort are primary nursing functions and responsibilities. A professional also would recognize that nursing includes a substantial customer-service component.

I agree completely!

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