Classmates that leech

nursingyoursoul · Jul 23, 2005

I don't get it. You love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? Because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. Is that about right?
Hmmm. What a dilemma. Well, I vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. You could say something like this to them:
"I'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. I also know a lot and am going to be an awesome RN so my opinion is gold. Now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others I have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because I have carried you. I'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. Let me put this to you straight: I don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and I know you're only a student, but from what I can tell you're not going to measure up. I don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your NCLEX, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. So I'm cutting you loose. You might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."
Problem solved. Or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

I don't think she meant it that way. Your post is rude. She asked for advice and support. In a class I took a couple of semesters ago, I had a similar problem, I can relate to what she is saying. In addition, I caught the girl cheating off of my exam. I'm sure she realizes that the girls she's talking about are doing their part in class, however maybe she feels used and maybe even overwhelmed by constantly having to come to the aid of those she feels didn't study enough. If they study as much, put as much time into it as she has, maybe she wouldn't have to come to their aid at all. In any case, your post was really really rude.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Jul 23, 2005

I don't get it. You love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? Because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. Is that about right?
Hmmm. What a dilemma. Well, I vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. You could say something like this to them:
"I'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. I also know a lot and am going to be an awesome RN so my opinion is gold. Now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others I have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because I have carried you. I'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. Let me put this to you straight: I don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and I know you're only a student, but from what I can tell you're not going to measure up. I don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your NCLEX, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. So I'm cutting you loose. You might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."
Problem solved. Or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

It's posts like the one above, that people are hesitant to ask anything and everything. People worry that someone will read a post, interpret it the way they want to without reading what is actually there, and use it as an opportunity to lash someone.:stone

watchthis22 · Jul 23, 2005

quote:

originally posted by catys_with_me

i don't get it. you love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. is that about right?

hmmm. what a dilemma. well, i vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. you could say something like this to them:

"i'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. i also know a lot and am going to be an awesome rn so my opinion is gold. now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others i have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because i have carried you. i'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. let me put this to you straight: i don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and i know you're only a student, but from what i can tell you're not going to measure up. i don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your nclex, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. so i'm cutting you loose. you might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."

problem solved. or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

it's posts like the one above, that people are hesitant to ask anything and everything. people worry that someone will read a post, interpret it the way they want to without reading what is actually there, and use it as an opportunity to lash someone.

i could not agree more! everyone should be able to post here and get honest replies, but they should not be degrading or rude :angryfire . i think most of us know what she is actually talking about, doing all the work that is required, which is a feat in itself, and then having others who don't do what they should and want to burden you with hours upon hours of questions. it gets really old when you have people calling you all the time to answer basic questions that they should have picked up in the first week of class. or, when you are trying to study in your down time at school and can't seem to get anything done because they won't go away. it is one thing to help each other out, and entirely another to feed them all the information that they should have picked up from the reading/work that they are probably not doing!

nursingyoursoul · Jul 23, 2005

quote:
originally posted by catys_with_me
i don't get it. you love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. is that about right?
hmmm. what a dilemma. well, i vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. you could say something like this to them:
"i'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. i also know a lot and am going to be an awesome rn so my opinion is gold. now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others i have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because i have carried you. i'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. let me put this to you straight: i don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and i know you're only a student, but from what i can tell you're not going to measure up. i don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your nclex, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. so i'm cutting you loose. you might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."
problem solved. or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.
it's posts like the one above, that people are hesitant to ask anything and everything. people worry that someone will read a post, interpret it the way they want to without reading what is actually there, and use it as an opportunity to lash someone.
i could not agree more! everyone should be able to post here and get honest replies, but they should not be degrading or rude :angryfire . i think most of us know what she is actually talking about, doing all the work that is required, which is a feat in itself, and then having others who don't do what they should and want to burden you with hours upon hours of questions. it gets really old when you have people calling you all the time to answer basic questions that they should have picked up in the first week of class. or, when you are trying to study in your down time at school and can't seem to get anything done because they won't go away. it is one thing to help each other out, and entirely another to feed them all the information that they should have picked up from the reading/work that they are probably not doing!

exactly!

MZRED1 · Jul 23, 2005

Wow that was super rude but I guess we're all entitled to our own opinions. I'll have to say that I can understand how the original poster feels. Its tough to work HARD to get awesome grades, especially if others expect you to pay attention, ask the questions, do the homework and studying, then share it ALL with them while they go about their business. I don't think she came off as high and mighty at all. My advice would be to simply distance yourself from these students. Be unavailable when they need help and let them do it on their own.

Thank you, I didn't think that I tried to come off high and mighty either. But we are typing so maybe the sincerity was not in my language. I like to help people that help themselves and I expect the same to be given to me. If a person doesn't come to class and doesn't study and when test day comes want to sit by me so they can see my paper its not fair. I have and husband 2 kids and a 30 hour a week job. If I have to work hard for is so should everyone one else, if they really want it.

MZRED1 · Jul 23, 2005

I don't think she meant it that way. Your post is rude. She asked for advice and support. In a class I took a couple of semesters ago, I had a similar problem, I can relate to what she is saying. In addition, I caught the girl cheating off of my exam. I'm sure she realizes that the girls she's talking about are doing their part in class, however maybe she feels used and maybe even overwhelmed by constantly having to come to the aid of those she feels didn't study enough. If they study as much, put as much time into it as she has, maybe she wouldn't have to come to their aid at all. In any case, your post was really really rude.

I appreciate someone understanding that I was not trying to put it that way, but I guess unless you go through it, you really don't understand!

renerian, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2005

I think you will find that everywhere so coming up with a strategy to handle it is needed. I have run into people that need help, you give them guidance or things to think about and encourage them to be proactive and come up with solutions which builds there independent, confidence and problem solving ability they will greatly need in the future both in and out of work settings.

Try some of the following guidance type remarks/comments:

For projects:

If someone comes to you wanting you to help them figure out how to do something:

What do you think needs to be done?

What would you like to do?

What action do you think is appropriate?

What challenges are you finding in this projects?

What do you want to get out of the project?

Are you having trouble with deciding what to do and how to do it? If yes, what steps sound good to you?

Try writing down what issues your having trouble with and come up with some solutions that sound good taking into account all the things one might consider?

I have found suggestions like this tend to pull thoughts out of people and make them learn to problem solve. Sometimes people come up with things you may not have even considered based on their style, personality, focus and abilities.

Directing people is sometimes necessary but growing a nurse takes time and a mentor.

What do you think?

renerian

DZcarrie · Jul 23, 2005

I always go with the:

"I'm not really sure, I think I need to look over that part more."

OR

"I put A, what did you put?"

That way you may or may not stir some sort of conversation as to WHY. Next time, the said leecher will know to come to you for answers more prepared.

I don't mind helping, either, but when it gets to the point that you are CONSTANTLY giving answers....it is obvious that those students aren't pulling their load!

Now, a good discussion of the answers is different....and more productive for both parties.

We've got one student in particular at my school who is always late, always missing class, always making up exams after he/she tries to get you to give all the questions that were on it, and ALWAYS mooching answers. It's ridiculous and quite obvious that there is no studying going on on her/his part.

Also, this student always has a story about how the weekend was.... apparently there is a lot of time to party and no time to study... :rolleyes: :angryfire :angryfire

BoonersmomRN · Jul 23, 2005

Thank you, I didn't think that I tried to come off high and mighty either. But we are typing so maybe the sincerity was not in my language. I like to help people that help themselves and I expect the same to be given to me. If a person doesn't come to class and doesn't study and when test day comes want to sit by me so they can see my paper its not fair. I have and husband 2 kids and a 30 hour a week job. If I have to work hard for is so should everyone one else, if they really want it.

I don't think you came off as high and mighty either...and I have BTDT last semester with a friend in A+P1. The best advice I got here is that people will use you as much as you let them. I was spending WAYYYY too much of my time trying to get my friend to pass the class..but then she was doing things like falling asleep in class, not doing her papers, etc...and then running to me for " clarification" on things....trying to make ME feel bad because I *only* had 1 class and she had *3*. Well you know I just finally sat her down one day and told her that I was willing to help her- but that she really needed to step up her game...b/c she needed to understand A+P ..not just enough to fill out a paper or do OK on a test. She never did- and wound up with barely a C..and has to repeat it now.

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 23, 2005

Hey, I just wanted to add........and I am not condoning academic leeching in any way...........but people do have different ways of studying and very different skill levels. Just being in my program a few weeks has shown me how poor my study skills have been up to this point. It doesn't has anything to do with the time I spend in preparation, but rather with how I learned to study. I find that others in class seem to be more "together" and get higher grades. They MAY look at me as if I am unprepared or think I couldn't have possibly studied as long as I did but that would be untrue. It just would be their opinion of me because they are comparing me to them. Make sense?? We are all different....

Then again, if you tell this person to do a certain assignment and they come empty handed with a bunch of excuses, well.......

Kick 'em to the curb and find poeple that are willing to work.....:)

Cubby · Jul 23, 2005

No one will be able to take their Boards for them! They get to do that one all on their own. Then you will find out. Cut 'em loose

RedSox33RN · Jul 24, 2005

No one will be able to take their Boards for them! They get to do that one all on their own. Then you will find out. Cut 'em loose

EXACTLY!! These people do need to learn to do things on their own, including HOW to study and come up with answers themselves. No one is going to be looking over their shoulder all the time, especially when it's a life or death situation - or any situation for that matter.

I don't mind helping my fellow students, but lines have to be drawn. You are not being unreasonable.