Classmates that leech

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Jul 22, 2005

Hello guys,
I have a slight problem. I am a very outgoing student so I ask a lot of questions and my professors tend to like me a lot. So of course there are some students who notice and kind of cling to me for help. Now this is no problem to me because I love to help and I think that all of us nursing students should help each other because we will be a family for the rest of our careers. However there are two people that drive me nuts. I honestly feel like these students have only made it this far because of me and other students feel the same. However, I am nice and I don't want anyone to fail but I don't think that a person should be a nurse if they don't know the job. I tried my best this semister to make sure I had no classes with these two. And of course they take all of there classes together. However I do have a fundamentals class with them what should I do? I am a very strong willed person and sometimes my words can hurt people so I try to be as nice as possible, but this has to stop. What do you think?

I know how you feel, because I have lived it before. It seems like while you are of use to them they'll stick around. They need to learn how to study individually and figure it out on their own. You should not have to feel like you NEED or have to help them. Unfortunaltely, you are on your own. I can see study groups and helping each other but not relying on another individual to take a piggy back ride to success.

Best wishes to you. Put your foot down if they keep badgering you for help.

Animaniacs, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2005

. However there are two people that drive me nuts. I honestly feel like these students have only made it this far because of me and other students feel the same.

I think I'm one of the student described in your post. But if you feel that way, then I'll step back and do things on my own, and I will stop asking you for help. Sounds fair?

chattypattyCRNA2B · Jul 22, 2005

You know they are lucky that you even care about hurting their feelings. Most people would be rude about it from day one. Your only option is to tell them straight out. Don't sugarcoat it or jokingly tell them. I've learned that some people just really don't get it or they really don't care how they are perceived or how they act, as long as they are getting what they want. Tactfulness should be used, but at the same time make sure you get your point across. Tell them you feel like you're being used and that you don't mind helping them every now and then but that they need to start being accountable for their own work. If you don't let them know now it will only get worse and if they cop an attitude then they are not the kind of people you want to please anyway, I mean to act the way that they are now doesn't say much for their character.....

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2005

People pleasing is something you'll have to let go of if you want to survive in real world nursing. Might as well set your boundaries now and reconcile with yourself that you will not be able to please everyone. There will always be someone who has an issue.

chattypattyCRNA2B · Jul 22, 2005

I think I'm one of the student described in your post. But if you feel that way, then I'll step back and do things on my own, and I will stop asking you for help. Sounds fair?

so much for anonymity.... :rolleyes:

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Jul 22, 2005

People only leech if you let them.

Catys_With_Me · Jul 23, 2005

Hello guys,
I have a slight problem. I am a very outgoing student so I ask a lot of questions and my professors tend to like me a lot. So of course there are some students who notice and kind of cling to me for help. Now this is no problem to me because I love to help and I think that all of us nursing students should help each other because we will be a family for the rest of our careers. However there are two people that drive me nuts. I honestly feel like these students have only made it this far because of me and other students feel the same. However, I am nice and I don't want anyone to fail but I don't think that a person should be a nurse if they don't know the job. I tried my best this semister to make sure I had no classes with these two. And of course they take all of there classes together. However I do have a fundamentals class with them what should I do? I am a very strong willed person and sometimes my words can hurt people so I try to be as nice as possible, but this has to stop. What do you think?

I don't get it. You love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? Because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. Is that about right?

Hmmm. What a dilemma. Well, I vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. You could say something like this to them:

"I'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. I also know a lot and am going to be an awesome RN so my opinion is gold. Now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others I have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because I have carried you. I'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. Let me put this to you straight: I don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and I know you're only a student, but from what I can tell you're not going to measure up. I don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your NCLEX, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. So I'm cutting you loose. You might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."

Problem solved. Or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

DeeSki · Jul 23, 2005

I don't get it. You love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? Because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. Is that about right?
Hmmm. What a dilemma. Well, I vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. You could say something like this to them:
"I'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. I also know a lot and am going to be an awesome RN so my opinion is gold. Now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others I have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because I have carried you. I'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. Let me put this to you straight: I don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and I know you're only a student, but from what I can tell you're not going to measure up. I don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your NCLEX, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. So I'm cutting you loose. You might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."
Problem solved. Or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

Wow that was super rude but I guess we're all entitled to our own opinions. I'll have to say that I can understand how the original poster feels. Its tough to work HARD to get awesome grades, especially if others expect you to pay attention, ask the questions, do the homework and studying, then share it ALL with them while they go about their business. I don't think she came off as high and mighty at all. My advice would be to simply distance yourself from these students. Be unavailable when they need help and let them do it on their own. :uhoh3:

mariedoreen · Jul 23, 2005

I don't get it. You love to help other nursing students, sharing your wisdom and beneficence with all, and you think that all nursing students should help each other because we're a family, but you don't want to help those that truly need it because they need more than they should? Because you don't think they should be a nurse if they can't handle it now... and right now you, in your ultimate wisdom, don't think they can handle it. Is that about right?
Hmmm. What a dilemma. Well, I vote that you just be as upfront and honest (not to mention humble) as you've been here. You could say something like this to them:
"I'm outgoing and our professors like me a lot. I also know a lot and am going to be an awesome RN so my opinion is gold. Now, it is my opinion and the opinion of others I have gossiped with about you, that you have only come this far because I have carried you. I'm sure that every answer you got right on every exam was due to my influence and that each time you performed a skill in lab or clinical you excelled only due to me. Let me put this to you straight: I don't think you should be a nurse if you can't do the job and I know you're only a student, but from what I can tell you're not going to measure up. I don't want to be responsible for you passing this program, passing your NCLEX, getting a job, and actually working in the real world. So I'm cutting you loose. You might as well quit now cause you'll never make it without me kid."
Problem solved. Or maybe it's possible that the wrong problem's being addressed here.

:rotfl: Amen!

DeanG · Jul 23, 2005

I think it's great that you want to help out, and you sound like a pretty decent person. So here's my 2 cents. If you are willing to help out, maybe you can start an open study group. The next time your two problem classmates ask for help you can tell them that the group goes over questions, answers, and concerns every Thursday at 4:30 (or when ever your group gets together). That way you're not exactly saying no, but if I know their type, they probably won't show up for a study group. Sure, you can be honest and tell them to figure it out for themselves, but no matter how much you sugar-coat it, it probably won't sound too sweet. Good Luck.

mjbsn2006 · Jul 23, 2005

MZRED,

I know exactly what you mean, don't feel bad its some in every class. I guess some of the other posters havent been hit full force by slackers in their class. I help other students, but we have a mutual relationship. WE HELP EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!! That's the whole point of a study group, so everyone can contribute and benefit from it. We have some that don't come to class, clinical, or participate in anything else, but then want all the notes& information. Most of the students actually doing all the work in our classes, are doing what you did-making sure we dont have class with the students who want to be slackers. If your classmates genuinely need help tell them to see the instructor for explanations, but if they are anything like some of my classmates then just distance yourself from them. Good luck!!!:)