Classmates that leech

LydiaNN · Jul 24, 2005

I'm thinking of the old adage, "No one takes advantage of you without your permission". Just say no. There is lots of room between being a doormat and being rude. Just be assertive and say "oh sorry, I can't help you with that" and mean it.

grannynurse FNP student · Jul 24, 2005

Thank you, I didn't think that I tried to come off high and mighty either. But we are typing so maybe the sincerity was not in my language. I like to help people that help themselves and I expect the same to be given to me. If a person doesn't come to class and doesn't study and when test day comes want to sit by me so they can see my paper its not fair. I have and husband 2 kids and a 30 hour a week job. If I have to work hard for is so should everyone one else, if they really want it.

I am surprised your progrm allows them to continue, if they are missing lectures. The programs I have taqught in, have an attendence clause, even for lectures. This needs to be taken up with your program.

Grannynurse :balloons:

bluesky, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Wow that was super rude but I guess we're all entitled to our own opinions. I'll have to say that I can understand how the original poster feels. Its tough to work HARD to get awesome grades, especially if others expect you to pay attention, ask the questions, do the homework and studying, then share it ALL with them while they go about their business. I don't think she came off as high and mighty at all. My advice would be to simply distance yourself from these students. Be unavailable when they need help and let them do it on their own.

I don't think it was too rude, maybe a little too real, but not too rude. The OP did sound a little self-congradulatory with statements like "I do feel that these students are still here because of me" etc, etc.

Good grades were never too hard for me in nursing school. It was much more important for me to help those that I saw struggling. If they achieved success with a little help from me, then wow someone is suffering a little less... not bad for a day's work... how much more rewarding than a little letter on a piece of paper alone and the groveling appreciation of my professors alone. But, then again, being the daughter of professors, I am eternally underwhelmed by such claims.

To hear the OP give lip service to helping others while really just seeking support for doing the exact opposite is a little hard to swallow.

So, I'm backing up girlfriend who called a spade a spade.

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

:rotfl:

what is it they say? "If you stay in a bad situation, there is always a payoff"

No matter what, no matter how bad it is......if you choose to stay (or keep participating) you are getting something out of it personally.

Right now, you are getting something out of helping them, maybe it makes you feel smarter or superior. You may get sick of it, which may be happening now. Hey, atleast you are waking up to it, if you didn't I would recommend co-dependency meetings....:chuckle

It is YOUR resposiblity to say something. As long as YOU let them, some people will never quit walking all over you....

Not trying to offend.........you were being nice, but it is now time to be healthy and get out.....:)

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Oh, OK........I got it...........why don't you just PLAY STUPID?? I mean, if you aren't getting anything out of this study relationship anymore, then, when they ask you what you got on this test or that test say 78% or something. Then they won't think you are so smart and bug you so much.

I think some posters have responded too harshly to you here, but at the same time you saying "I guess some of the other posters haven't been hit full force by slackers in their class" is raising you to high and mighty level. No........the others students may have gotten smart early on and ripped those leeches off!!! Not everyone lets people walk all over them... Something to think about. At this point, what you are choosing to do is the problem NOT what they are choosing to do to you!! You gave them your niceness, now you are just letting them abuse you and then coming here to vent about it. You are now a victim. You know you are being abused and you are letting it continue. Your time is much better spent with your hubby and three kids!!!

Besides.........why would you want help from them?? Obviously you are not getting any help from them or atleast you aren't saying that here. I think that is why you got the rude post from the other poster. You MUST be getting something out of this right, for you to allow it to continue?

"just distance yourself from them"...Now you're getting it!

Good Luck to you in your program. You sound like you have what it takes to go far!:)

MZRED,
I know exactly what you mean, don't feel bad its some in every class. I guess some of the other posters havent been hit full force by slackers in their class. I help other students, but we have a mutual relationship. WE HELP EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!! That's the whole point of a study group, so everyone can contribute and benefit from it. We have some that don't come to class, clinical, or participate in anything else, but then want all the notes& information. Most of the students actually doing all the work in our classes, are doing what you did-making sure we dont have class with the students who want to be slackers. If your classmates genuinely need help tell them to see the instructor for explanations, but if they are anything like some of my classmates then just distance yourself from them. Good luck!!!:)

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

I'm thinking of the old adage, "No one takes advantage of you without your permission". Just say no. There is lots of room between being a doormat and being rude. Just be assertive and say "oh sorry, I can't help you with that" and mean it.

:yeahthat:

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Ok, now I am on a roll........

Besides, all this nursing school family crap is so annoying. Yeah, it is great to have supportive people around you but you know what??? Nursing students are still human and they come with all kinds of problems just like every other Joe Schmo out there and I'm sorry!.... some of these people I don't want as my friends let alone be part of my "family". They will take advantage of you just as easily (if not more, since NS is so difficult) as those in the outside world...

Can't you just draw straws with your other study groupers and whoever gets the short one gets to tell the other two that they are slacking and to pick up the ball or they are out?? I wish I lived where you were cuz I would have no prob doing it for you!!:rotfl:

LydiaNN · Jul 24, 2005

As far as being a family goes, I must say that I do distinctly recall that there were times when I told my siblings to "do it yourself". I have also told my own son that. There's a big difference between helping him understand an assignment and how to get started than doing it for him.

DidiRN · Jul 24, 2005

I'm just curious...what exactly are these two students doing that are driving you crazy? That sets them apart from the others that you do like to help?

Hello guys,
I have a slight problem. I am a very outgoing student so I ask a lot of questions and my professors tend to like me a lot. So of course there are some students who notice and kind of cling to me for help. Now this is no problem to me because I love to help and I think that all of us nursing students should help each other because we will be a family for the rest of our careers. However there are two people that drive me nuts. I honestly feel like these students have only made it this far because of me and other students feel the same. However, I am nice and I don't want anyone to fail but I don't think that a person should be a nurse if they don't know the job. I tried my best this semister to make sure I had no classes with these two. And of course they take all of there classes together. However I do have a fundamentals class with them what should I do? I am a very strong willed person and sometimes my words can hurt people so I try to be as nice as possible, but this has to stop. What do you think?

JenNJFLCA · Jul 24, 2005

There is a difference between asking for help and mooching. If you're studying your butt off and still not pulling good grades, you need help, and I'd be happy to help. Mooching is going around bragging to everyone about how drunk you got over the weekend and then going and asking the "smart" person in your class to tell you what was on the exam because you were too hung over to go to class.

Works2xs · Jul 24, 2005

Some folks seem to be taking the OP's comment as an all or nothing statement about helping others. I don't see that at all.

Folks that are making an honest effort at learning - coming to class perpared, homework complete, participates in labs, etc, then I don't think anybody generally has a problem helping out with questions. Different people have different learning styles and sometimes working with classmates provides the alternate styles they need to fully grasp the material. When I'm asked to help in these sorts of cases, I don't just give over the answer. Nobody learns anything if it's just handed to them. Instead, I rephrase the teacher/book question so that it asks the same thing, but comes at it from a different angle. I'll also ask them to explain as much to me as they know about the question. Half the time, the person knows the answer but lacks the confidence in themselves to believe they actually know the answer.

Then there are the other folks, whom I'd say are rightfully referred to as leeches. They don't come prepared, don't complete homework, yak to their friend during class, return late from break, etc. Their head is anywhere but in the class. Using the above methods, folks in this category usually get frustrated at the thought of applying any effort at all and will soon learn that my help is more trouble than they're willing to bear.

In both cases, the approach is the same. Don't simply give the answer. Rework the question; walk them through the lead in material; ask peripheral questions that provide context and background, etc. The one's that aren't leeching join in. The ones that are, boogie to find an easier mark. It kind of gets things to sort themselves out without you having to "break bad" on anyone.

The last item is the "read off the paper" person. If it happens on a test, then this isn't leeching. It's cheating and it falls into a completely different area. Most colleges and universities have fairy strict rules regarding this.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Some folks seem to be taking the OP's comment as an all or nothing statement about helping others. I don't see that at all.
Folks that are making an honest effort at learning - coming to class perpared, homework complete, participates in labs, etc, then I don't think anybody generally has a problem helping out with questions. Different people have different learning styles and sometimes working with classmates provides the alternate styles they need to fully grasp the material. When I'm asked to help in these sorts of cases, I don't just give over the answer. Nobody learns anything if it's just handed to them. Instead, I rephrase the teacher/book question so that it asks the same thing, but comes at it from a different angle. I'll also ask them to explain as much to me as they know about the question. Half the time, the person knows the answer but lacks the confidence in themselves to believe they actually know the answer.
Then there are the other folks, whom I'd say are rightfully referred to as leeches. They don't come prepared, don't complete homework, yak to their friend during class, return late from break, etc. Their head is anywhere but in the class. Using the above methods, folks in this category usually get frustrated at the thought of applying any effort at all and will soon learn that my help is more trouble than they're willing to bear.
In both cases, the approach is the same. Don't simply give the answer. Rework the question; walk them through the lead in material; ask peripheral questions that provide context and background, etc. The one's that aren't leeching join in. The ones that are, boogie to find an easier mark. It kind of gets things to sort themselves out without you having to "break bad" on anyone.
The last item is the "read off the paper" person. If it happens on a test, then this isn't leeching. It's cheating and it falls into a completely different area. Most colleges and universities have fairy strict rules regarding this.

I agree with this. I didn't think you came off sounding high-and-mighty.

In addition to trying that good advice, you also might want to refer the needier classmates your college's tutorial programs. Lots of students use them and it really helps their understanding of a subject and hence, their grades.

Best wishes, however you decide to handle it.