Classmates that leech

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Oh, and I forgot to mention: if you click on a poster's name, you can see the profile. In making your decision, it might be smart to give a tad more weight to answers by those of us who already finished school and are nurses.

Hint, hint.

DeeSki · Jul 24, 2005

:rolleyes:

I don't think it was too rude, maybe a little too real, but not too rude. The OP did sound a little self-congradulatory with statements like "I do feel that these students are still here because of me" etc, etc.
Good grades were never too hard for me in nursing school. It was much more important for me to help those that I saw struggling. If they achieved success with a little help from me, then wow someone is suffering a little less... not bad for a day's work... how much more rewarding than a little letter on a piece of paper alone and the groveling appreciation of my professors alone. But, then again, being the daughter of professors, I am eternally underwhelmed by such claims.
To hear the OP give lip service to helping others while really just seeking support for doing the exact opposite is a little hard to swallow.
So, I'm backing up girlfriend who called a spade a spade.

You know what..."helping others" doesn't necessarily have to be an all consuming job (when, of course it isn't your JOB but solely out of kindness). Sometimes we helpers can get sick of it. Especially when it becomes a JOB rather than an act of kindness AND those being helped refuse to help themselves. I don't think the OP was providing "lip service" but adding background information so that her friends (US) could understand the total situation. Where I live, even getting into the nursing program is so competetive that there are many who will NOT help anyone. It could mean the difference between their average and yours. Some (like me) still helped folks during pre-reqs. Every semester for the last 2 years I have taken 5-6 courses but I still found a little time to help out the other students. Maybe they weren't nursing students, maybe they were-it didn't matter to me because I KNEW I would get into the program. At our orientation and during nursing seminar we were told that now is the time to put away the competition and BEGIN to help one another! I've always helped, and always will but why should I give you my bibliography for a paper so that you can look like you did the same work that I did? Its stuff like that which can push someone into a post like the OPs and thats calling a spade a spade

DeeSki · Jul 24, 2005

Oh, and I forgot to mention: if you click on a poster's name, you can see the profile. In making your decision, it might be smart to give a tad more weight to answers by those of us who already finished school and are nurses.
Hint, hint.

UH OH I don't know if I put in my profile that I have a Liberal Arts degree besides being a new nursing student. I guess my opinions won't have as much weight :uhoh21: LOL

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

UH OH I don't know if I put in my profile that I have a Liberal Arts degree besides being a new nursing student. I guess my opinions won't have as much weight LOL

What I meant was, educational degree doesn't really come into play where the goal is to finish school and work as a nurse. So don't let the school-related problems get to you because you won't be in school much longer. Not saying don't listen to another student, just saying that if your goal is to be a nurse, then perhaps your ear should be a tad more inclined to listen to the nurses and not the students.

I'm sorry if my take on this situation upset you.

Those of us who are working nurses have been there and done all that--the whole school thing. We survived it. You'll survive it too. Just keep studying and stay away from those who drain you emotionally or intellectually.

DeeSki · Jul 24, 2005

What I meant was, educational degree doesn't really come into play where the goal is to finish school and work as a nurse. So don't let the school-related problems get to you because you won't be in school much longer. Not saying don't listen to another student, just saying that if your goal is to be a nurse, then perhaps your ear should be a tad more inclined to listen to the nurses and not the students.
I'm sorry if my take on this situation upset you.
Those of us who are working nurses have been there and done all that--the whole school thing. We survived it. You'll survive it too. Just keep studying and stay away from those who drain you emotionally or intellectually.

Actually I was sort of kidding (with a little bit of -hey that's not fair thrown in). I certainly see your point of view and with other questions (actually regarding something specific to nursing school or nursing) I sure would put more stock in an actual nurse's response. That being said, I think this question was more of a general academic/study type problem. Dealing with overly dependant study buddies doesn't seem to be a problem that begs a response specific to a nurse. :)

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Just trying to get you to look at the Big Picture, is all. Have a happy. :)

wonderbee, BSN, RN · Jul 24, 2005

Summer is almost over and I have heard from three people from my nursing school family, and only after I contacted them. So much for supportive family members. Now that nursing school is coming to an end, I think we are over the nursing school fish bowl and are looking past books and instructors, fixed on the goal of graduation, NCLEX and jobs. If we can help each other along the way, great as long as we can ride the same train and the help is mutual.

I do not feel beholding to my nursing school "family" to put myself out in the least in any way that will distract me. I do feel beholding to the nurses I work with and the patients we serve, which means I'd better keep sight of the big picture. Yep, it is for ME to graduate. Sorry if it offends. Just sharing my own perspective on relationships with fellow students, for what it's worth. Believe me, there has been no bigger source of distraction, indecision and even hurt feelings for me than has eminated from relationships with other nursing students and their expectations... and mine.

OP, I hope you do what is right for you. You have to be at peace with your decisions and your actions.

MZRED1 · Jul 24, 2005

Oh, OK........I got it...........why don't you just PLAY STUPID?? I mean, if you aren't getting anything out of this study relationship anymore, then, when they ask you what you got on this test or that test say 78% or something. Then they won't think you are so smart and bug you so much.
I think some posters have responded too harshly to you here, but at the same time you saying "I guess some of the other posters haven't been hit full force by slackers in their class" is raising you to high and mighty level. No........the others students may have gotten smart early on and ripped those leeches off!!! Not everyone lets people walk all over them... Something to think about. At this point, what you are choosing to do is the problem NOT what they are choosing to do to you!! You gave them your niceness, now you are just letting them abuse you and then coming here to vent about it. You are now a victim. You know you are being abused and you are letting it continue. Your time is much better spent with your hubby and three kids!!!
Besides.........why would you want help from them?? Obviously you are not getting any help from them or atleast you aren't saying that here. I think that is why you got the rude post from the other poster. You MUST be getting something out of this right, for you to allow it to continue?
"just distance yourself from them"...Now you're getting it!
Good Luck to you in your program. You sound like you have what it takes to go far!:)

I never said that about the slacker's in class. That was someone elses post. There is nothing about me thats high and mighty so I think some of you have gotten a misunderstanding.

MZRED1 · Jul 24, 2005

I honestly feel like I should be able to post a simple problem on this website and be able to get people's opinions back without felling like I am being attacked. Honestly, it not about me feeling like I am high and mighty its about the fact that I feel I am being used. Of course it makes me feel good to help people that why I am going into nursing but no one wants to feel like they made friends but really they just met people who wants to use them. Some of you how are being rude should really think about how many people you may turn away just because of your attitude. This website is here to help students not here to make them feel bad about something that they felt comfortable bringing to fellow students,nurses, etc. I do appreciate all of the comments but I have been slightly affended by some of them. I do want to thank the people that at least tried to understand my situation, you few make me still want to be a member here.

Its always better to treat people like you want to be treated :)

Gennaver, MSN · Jul 24, 2005

People pleasing is something you'll have to let go of if you want to survive in real world nursing. Might as well set your boundaries now and reconcile with yourself that you will not be able to please everyone. There will always be someone who has an issue.

Hello,

I second this very good advice.

I also find another post in this thread which ridiculed your honest question to be very rude, (and the 'amen' one aswell).

As a 'compulsivily considerate' person myself I took a long time to find the balance between helping/people pleasing/enabling/downright allowing myself to be used and not. Believe me, it is much less frustrating this way. Know your limits and be self aware. How can you be any good in helping others if you do not stand up for yourself?

It is hard but, trust your gut, really. You KNOW when someone is using you. I do think that it is more fair to speak up right away then to give in and feel used and then distract yourself from what you need to truly do.

Good luck!!

Gen

p.s.

princessmogan · Jul 24, 2005

"I am a very strong willed person and sometimes my words can hurt people so I try to be as nice as possible, but this has to stop. What do you think?"

As I see it you have two choices: 1) Tell these students your true feelings, as hurtful as the truth may be, or 2) bite your tongue until graduation and then bid them goodbye!

My little peeve from school (just graduated in June):

I had a girl I met during pre-req's. Great girl, a little crazy sometimes, but for th most part good at heart. She and I did everything together: car pooled, studied, hung out, had every class together, etc. We both did poorly spring term of first year and I fought all summer to get back into the program and prove I belonged and had the strong desire to be a nurse. She said nothing and got re-admitted with me. I studied my butt off and scored an A in psych. She used my notes, she used me for answers to questions, she used me when she didn't read, she used my note cards before tests when she "didn't have time to study"...I felt bad for her, and after all she was my friend, so I helped her out. She, too, scored an A in psych. Second term, second year, same thing. She constantly called and when we'd get together to study she'd been "way too busy" and use my notes and aids. When we sat through three hours of lecture in class, she found it more appealing to play games on her cell phone, draw on paper, or sit and bad mouth the instructor while she was lecturing. Once again, she passed with my grade, thanks to me. By third term (second year), she was at it again, but this time I was done. I had spent so much time whining about her using me that I decided to take action. When she called to study I couldn't. When she needed my notes, they were unavailable. When she missed a day and needed to know what went on I forgot to return calls. Cruel? Yes, but it wasn't worth my breath to get into a big tissy about it. She barely passed and barely graduated.

You have to work hard for you! Yes, it's ok to help people, but not let them drag you down or leech off of you.

Hello guys,
I have a slight problem. I am a very outgoing student so I ask a lot of questions and my professors tend to like me a lot. So of course there are some students who notice and kind of cling to me for help. Now this is no problem to me because I love to help and I think that all of us nursing students should help each other because we will be a family for the rest of our careers. However there are two people that drive me nuts. I honestly feel like these students have only made it this far because of me and other students feel the same. However, I am nice and I don't want anyone to fail but I don't think that a person should be a nurse if they don't know the job. I tried my best this semister to make sure I had no classes with these two. And of course they take all of there classes together. However I do have a fundamentals class with them what should I do? I am a very strong willed person and sometimes my words can hurt people so I try to be as nice as possible, but this has to stop. What do you think?

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jul 25, 2005

I never said that about the slacker's in class. That was someone elses post. There is nothing about me thats high and mighty so I think some of you have gotten a misunderstanding.

MZRED1.....please accept my apologies. :flowersfo I am sorry, I never meant to offend although now I realize I did. I know you are the one being abused here and I know you had good intentions. I just get frustrated with people who are being repeatedly abused (because they are "too nice") but never say anything to the users. My tone likely comes from some personal experience I have had with people very close to me, whom I care about very deeply, being abused in much the same way and never speaking up about it. It makes me just want to SPEAK UP FOR THEM! Because I KNOW they are nice people and I KNOW they deserve better. My BP just goes up...and up....and up........and up.......well, you get the picture...:chuckle

Again, I am sorry. I have a terrible way of opening up my mouth and letting whatever spill out without really thinking. :crying2:

Best of Luck to you in telling them off and standing up for yourself!:) :smiley_ab