Can I date the nurse who took care my mother before she passed away?

[m4a123]

My mother had some heart problems and passed away after three weeks of hospital stays. There was a nurse that I liked. We shared some great moments, especially she was on duty on my birthday and gave me a birthday cake in a surprise way and also gave me a hug. I did not receive hugs from any other nurses. She also told me that she was just divorced. One month after my mom passed away, I went back to the hospital and dropped off some thank you cards for some nurses who gave very good cares to mother. Surprisingly, she was there on that day too. We talked, then I gave her a "special" thank you card. We had another hug before we go. In that "special" thank you card, I wrote I wanted to see her, hear from her, and I miss her. I also wrote down my number there. But I did not wrote down anything to ask her to call me back as I did not want her to get in troubles with her works.

It has been another four months for now, I still have not received a call back from her. I understand may be the hospital has some policies keeping her to call me, or may be she still need more time to heal from her divorce, just like I am still healing from the lost of my mother, or may be she did not open the thank you card I gave her, or she just lost the card. But during this four months, I am sure I really like her and really want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Now, I want to ask if I am allowed to date her legally as I am her former patient family member? I also want to ask if you should mail a thank you card to the hospital for her and tell her I like her and want her to call me back when she has a chance? Or is this just my fantasy that I should just move on?

Thank you for reading my long story. I really appreciate your time and look for good advises.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I would be livid if a patient called me at home. I had a patient's wife call me; she didn't know my number, but she figured out who my parents were and called them.

If the guy isn't supposed to call the nurse at work, that only leaves at home, and that feels like stalking to me. She has made it clear she doesn't want to be pursued. Let the poor woman alone.

So maybe my suggestion is unpopular, but I hardly call one phone call stalking!

[toomuchbaloney]

I know a few nurses/health professionals who married family members of former patients or actual former patients themselves. For the most part, those relationships were worth pursuing, even if they all didn't last lifetimes.

Once that nurse is not caring for your family member there is no ethical reason that she could not date or become personally involved with you. However, you have already provided her with knowledge of your affections and SHE HAS NOT RESPONDED IN KIND. Given that you don't know her personally, you should assume that she is not interested in encouraging that type of relationship with you.

You do have the option of returning to the hospital during her work shift and asking her to join you for a cup of coffee or tea in the facility cafe or after her shift. If she balks at this offer you can then be ASSURED that your emotions are not shared by this woman. You should then let go and move on.

Just for the record, some of us nurses are huggers and some are not. There are good reasons for not engaging in that level of interaction with family members and you have highlighted a couple of them, misunderstanding and transference.

I too am a hugger, but have been at this long enough to recognize that there are people and circumstances that would be best served by my keeping my bear hugs (beardly as they are) to myself.

Losing your parent is never easy. Be good to yourself.

[elkpark]

I hardly call one phone call stalking!

A lot of us would consider "one phone call" at home from a client's family member to be stalking ...

[ICURN3020]

A lot of us would consider "one phone call" at home from a client's family member to be stalking ...

I agree...my immediate thought when I picked up my home phone and heard who it was would be, "How did this person get my number?!?" It would creep me out to wonder what lengths they went to do so.

My next step would be to check and make sure all my doors and windows were locked and all my blinds closed!

[klone, MSN, RN]

Baloney's a guy! I love when I receive confirmation of my suspicions! :)

[ICURN3020]

Side note.....I would be livid if I discovered a coworker gave my home phone number out. Although most people I work with know better than to do something like this, there are a few I'm not so sure about based on other questionable decisons they have made

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Side note.....I would be livid if I discovered a coworker gave my home phone number out. Although most people I work with know better than to do something like this, there are a few I'm not so sure about based on other questionable decisons they have made

I like Baloney's suggestion the best! I never thought a phone call would cause so much drama! No one mentioned they gave out a coworkers number, but come on most of us are in the phone book and it is easy to find someone's phone number or facebook in this day and age. I really don't think it is stalking to call someone, but apparently I'm in the minority. I find it funny that so many people would be put off by a simple phone call, yet many have hundreds of facebook friends that they share their personal info and pictures with! I must be old fashioned because I would much prefer a phone call to having hundreds of facebook acquaintances that could browse my facebook and see family photos etc. I really don't understand it at all!

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

So maybe my suggestion is unpopular, but I hardly call one phone call stalking!

Except the nurse who is the object of OP's affections has had FOUR months to call him, yet hasn't. What more of a sign does he need? I echo the sentiment of being furious if I received a phone call from a patients, CERTAINLY for romantic reasons. DH and I have cell phones only now, but when we did have a landline, we were unlisted----for this reason AND because he is a police officer, no WAY would we want phone calls stemming from professional contacts, for either of us!!!

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

You can date her, but she shouldn't date you. Besides as other have noted, not returning your calls and not calling you, are clear and obvious signals. Find a woman who is into you.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

No one mentioned they gave out a coworkers number, but come on most of us are in the phone book and it is easy to find someone's phone number or facebook in this day and age.

My name and number are not listed in any phone book because I no longer have a landline. After coming to the realization that I was placing perhaps 10 to 15 calls per month at the most using the landline, all of my phone needs have been offloaded onto my cell phone.

Even if I did have a listed phone number, I would be annoyed if I were to receive a call from a former patient or one of their family members. I consider my time at home to be my special domain.

[PinayUSA]

Wow........

Is this for real?

[Baubo516, RN]

OP - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I think you have received good advice in this thread. Sounds like it is best to let go of the idea of a relationship with this nurse, and move on.

Other posters - the OP sounds very sincere and was looking for advice, so let's not make fun of him, OK?