Burnout - How long do I have?

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

I recently quit a terrible job without a back up plan. It wasn’t the kind of job I could hang on to until something else came up. I’ve been off for a week and it is glorious. There is nothing better than spending time with my husband and child. But I am the breadwinner so I must go back. And to be honest, looking for a job terrifies me. In 13 years I’ve never been able to find something that fits. I’ve found a couple of decent facilities, but I grow so weary of the emotional burned of nursing. I’m tired of being afraid of letting my daughter be near water (because of the 2 year old that drowned), or my heart be in my chest when any kid is playing in a driveway (because of the mother who accidentally killed her baby because she didn’t see her when she was backing up). When I was pregnant I would cry because what if I got cancer a month after the baby was born? Or threw a clot 3 days after she was born? What if my husband has a heart attack?...he was complaining of epigastric pain earlier today, and that 47 year old died the same way. 

See what I mean? My mind does this at least 3-4 days a week. It isn’t just when I have to much time to think, it is just there in the background always now. I can’t watch any TV with sad storylines...I just feel them like they are real. And I’ve seen a lot of real pain....like most nurses. It is better when I am off work for a while, because death isn’t in my face as much when I’m off. Again the reason so much anxiety about having to go back to work.

I am not very religious. I admire those with religion because the religion seems to give them a reason for the senselessness of tragic deaths (the father of 3 that got hit because someone missed a stop sign, the 3 kids and 1 grandparent that died due to a reckless driver...so many more). But I don’t see god in these things. I see a society that is moving to fast to be careful, that is polluting itself to death for profit of a few. No reasonable actions, no community, no way to slow down because bills have to be paid. And really after 13 years in the field, I don’t see the good in what we do. Mostly because we are rushed, so we rush the patients and their families, we all try to give quality, but often the system prevents us from doing so and then we get blamed because no one wants to admit the system is terrible and broken. I wish I had taken a different path, because there is no balance in this career, I’ve been looking for it for 13 years. Even in less emergent care there is still so much pain to see. The 80 year old using her gas stove to keep warm in her home while her son is out trying to pick up some work. She is not safe at home alone but she never worked so she doesn’t get SSI benefits. Her husband never had steady work. The 13 year old at home with cancer, she had been in remission for 4 years but it is back. The family is out of money so they are doing some fund raising. The couple that have kids but no one wants to take care of them, but the kids are discouraging their parents from selling the house to move into assisted living. 

I can say that nursing has brought me such prospective on how good my life has been, and that I appreciate. But my nursing experience has also had this dark cloud effect on how I experience my life now seeing all that I have. I just frequently feel anxious and afraid of losing everything. I wish there was something else I could do to support my family.

[Davey Do]

Burnout - how long do I have?

In identifying with you as a neurotic with a Chicken Little complex, KalispoRed, I'd say you have until retirement age.

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

45 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Burnout - how long do I have?

In identifying with you as a neurotic with a Chicken Little complex, KalispoRed, I'd say you have until retirement age.

I agree with your diagnosis. But dang, retirement? ?.   ??

[Guest 1152923]

KalipsoRed21, I've followed your posts for some time and all have truly resonated with me.  I can relate to much of your angst and disillusionment with nursing.  I too, wish I had chosen a different career path but my career arc is nearing the end I've often thought other professions with similar lengths of education preparedness (engineers, CPAs, IT specialists) seem much more attractive...  All have similar salaries as nurses, yet without the risk of infectious bodily fluid exposure, having to deal with unreasonable and verbally abusive patients/physicians, the nights, weekends, holidays, and knowing that someone may die based upon your action/inaction.  I've made it almost thirty years (mostly in the OR), but would never have done so in acute, bedside nursing.  Before you ditch nursing altogether and all the time spent getting that degree, I would encourage you to try perioperative nursing-always one patient at a time and with little family involvement.  It's certainly not a perfect specialty but I think it would be a good fit for you.  Keep your chin up

[Daisy4RN]

I think that in any profession knowing what we know will change how we view life. It is hard knowing what we know about illness/diseases etc and not be able to change things or think that it could happen to us or loved ones. However, you need to learn how to separate it from your daily life/thoughts. It will of course sneak back in at times but it should not be something you constantly dwell on, even 3-4x/wk. (If you spend so much time worrying about the future you are not enjoying the present). Maybe it would help to talk to someone professionally, or your spouse or other family. In looking for a new job I would just say to try to find one with less stress (I know it is hard) and/or less patient interaction, like case management, Insurance, occupational health etc. I never found a nursing job I liked but just tried to not worry about those work issues that I had no control over, just did the best I could with what they (admin etc) gave me to work with and did my best not to internalize responsibility. 

Hope things get better soon, wishing you and your family well!!

[SmilingBluEyes]

You know you sound like an uber-empath. Which is a great trait. But we take on the pain of others and feel it keenly!  It leads to moral distress when we take it all to heart plus the burden of always being told to do more and more with less and less.

I think you could use some professional help in the way of therapy or life coaching and definitely learn to leave all this at work.

Do you have hobbies you enjoy? Try to get into some of those. Try reading some books you enjoy or spend time outdoors; the weather is getting better!  Self-care needs to be front and center in your list

Truly I think you suffer not what I call "burn out" but  IS moral distress. You are so very in distress and I can feel the pain in your post. "Burn out" tends to place the burden on the health care provider when we cannot control our environment and situation all around us. It's NOT YOUR FAULT is what I am trying to say.

Take advantage of the EAP benefit from work if you have it and find a good therapist and for SURE get some help and guidance.

I wish you the best.

[Davey Do]

23 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

I agree with your diagnosis. But dang, retirement?

Yeah, sorry.

But in the meantime, you will experience marvelous things to behold, with your fair share of trials & tribulations. As you walk through the Valley of The Shadow of Doubt, you will face your fears, have a illuminating revelations which will subsequently result in a higher consciousness.

Then, in Erikson's final stage of psychosocial development, you will experience a feeling of integrity over despair.

And so on and so forth.

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

For the OP:  Do you know if you are bringing your depression to work from home or bringing depression to home from work?  Don't leave nursing before you decide.  When you are new to the floor and overwhelmed, it is difficult to separate other people's bad luck from you.  But you can build better and healthier boundaries.  It does take time and best done with professional counseling to guide you.  

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

14 minutes ago, subee said:

For the OP:  Do you know if you are bringing your depression to work from home or bringing depression to home from work?  Don't leave nursing before you decide.  When you are new to the floor and overwhelmed, it is difficult to separate other people's bad luck from you.  But you can build better and healthier boundaries.  It does take time and best done with professional counseling to guide you.  

I have a really good home life, and when I am not at work or having to think about work, I’m fishing or at home with my husband and kid. Really, it is truly nursing that I don’t like. It is a maddening market of how we can barely care for people and staff and maximize profits. It is not that I want hospitals to not be successful businesses, I just know they can be successful without raping our patients of dignity, choice, and care and us of time, integrity, and a decent paced work environment. Before shareholders, profits were given back to employees and reinvested in the company. Does a CEO really need to make 300-900% more than the lowest paid employee to maximize their power and life? I would say the 100-150% more that they made in 1960s was a better balance for everyone.

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

33 minutes ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

I have a really good home life, and when I am not at work or having to think about work, I’m fishing or at home with my husband and kid. Really, it is truly nursing that I don’t like. It is a maddening market of how we can barely care for people and staff and maximize profits. It is not that I want hospitals to not be successful businesses, I just know they can be successful without raping our patients of dignity, choice, and care and us of time, integrity, and a decent paced work environment. Before shareholders, profits were given back to employees and reinvested in the company. Does a CEO really need to make 300-900% more than the lowest paid employee to maximize their power and life? I would say the 100-150% more that they made in 1960s was a better balance for everyone.

I completely understand.  I stayed with it for retirement benefits and am glad that I did it, but I put up with all the crap to get here.  It's easier to say "reconsider" when you have arrived at the other side.  But we knew hard times were coming because of the huge numbers of baby boomers coming into the system conjoined with followers of crappy lifestyles and cheap carbs.  And now they are here.  OR tables have gone from a max of 250 pounds when I started to 750 pounds by the time I retired.  And super "efficient" corporations have made working conditions souless for so many. who can't leave because of health insurance. 

[NurseBlaq]

On 5/21/2021 at 9:40 PM, SmilingBluEyes said:

You know you sound like an uber-empath. Which is a great trait. But we take on the pain of others and feel it keenly!  It leads to moral distress when we take it all to heart plus the burden of always being told to do more and more with less and less.

I think you could use some professional help in the way of therapy or life coaching and definitely learn to leave all this at work.

Do you have hobbies you enjoy? Try to get into some of those. Try reading some books you enjoy or spend time outdoors; the weather is getting better!  Self-care needs to be front and center in your list

Truly I think you suffer not what I call "burn out" but  IS moral distress. You are so very in distress and I can feel the pain in your post. "Burn out" tends to place the burden on the health care provider when we cannot control our environment and situation all around us. It's NOT YOUR FAULT is what I am trying to say.

Take advantage of the EAP benefit from work if you have it and find a good therapist and for SURE get some help and guidance.

I wish you the best.

That's what I got from it too. Being an empath can be tiring.

[BSN-to-MSN, ADN, BSN, RN]

I am sorry the multiple anxieties are getting to you, you sound like a very compassionate person. To get away from daily worries about what the future will be, try to "count your blessings", or remind yourself about the good things in your life. Other posters suggested a therapist, might be a good idea.

I am also trying to get away from bedside nursing - goal is in 3 years, or "MSN before 40"(I'm 36). Yes, bedside provides a steady income, but is so tiring and depressing if you let it get to you. Sometimes cannot go to sleep after the shift. I am on maternity leave, so it provides some (welcome) break, and switching to part time in the fall, to focus on kids and school. 

I suggest to further your education to have more nursing options open, and talk to others about your anxieties.