Bullied nurse. I quit. :(

Nurses Relations

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Hi! This is my first post. I am new here. seeing all the posts about bullying comforts me a lot.

I also currently left a job because if a charge nurse who bullied me. I have been a nurse for 6 years. I have loved the job and the workplace before. I was even part of the committees. There is this charge nurse who doesn't like me and ignores what I say. I tried being cross trained to a more specialized area a year before I quit. I even organized the the cross training process and worked with. The director of the service line ( group of different departments) was amazed by my organization skills. When I did not perform as well as expected in my cross training( it was only for 3 weeks, and in the process I had a back injury) when I returned to my floor, the bullying began. She wrote me up anonymously, The management said I had weak follow through and punished me by not giving me critical patients without my knowledge. When I asked the nurse manager about this, and I asked what are the points I missed and how I can improve on, all she said was she cannot remember the exact moment I did something wrong because it was so long ago. And to improve, she just said, "just wow us". When I asked the other charge nurse who I thought was a friend what I should do, all she said was I should shadow another nurse and she said "some of us are born with critical thinking skills, but some people like you, well, you have to learn them. I was so upset I had anxiety, insomnia, I was irritable with my family...I am also in school for degree in a good nursing school, so I know I'm super stupid right? Two doctors told me I was their favorite nurse to work with. My manager said everyone likes me. I had an above average level in my team player skills in my last evaluation. It was awful.

I started looking for jobs and I got two offers by two hospitals. I quit last month. Now, I start in my new job. I'm happy I left, but I'm sad at the same time because I will miss some good people. And I am scared I'm going to be bullied all over again. I am now so scared I plan to duck my head and just do my job and go home on my new job rather than try to get more proactive.

Sorry for such a long post. I am so glad there is a place to express our feelings and to be encouraged to try harder again and not give up.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
@klone the world is cruel and relentless u have to do this in the work place

Bullying others? No, I have to disagree here.

There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being assertive, and bullying the person back.

I will give you a pass because you're 20 and don't have a lot of adult work experience.

1 Votes
Specializes in ICU.

You're out of there. Just put it behind you. Sounds like a crappy job anyway working with that crew.

If anyone asks why you left just say it wasn't for me.

Stop wasting energy on worrying if your new colleagues are going to be jerks.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Or I'd report her so many times @klone the world is cruel and relentless u have to do this in the work place

That's probably not an effective solution to dealing with adults in the workplace, either.

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Specializes in Public Health.
I'm not sure if bullying was going on here or not- but I agree you were not delt with in the most constructive manner. Please consider, I worked with nurse- she was OK- positive attitude, willing to learn, eager to help, 4-5 years in a less acute area with a desire to expand her skills, Sounds great- not so fast. She came off orientation in record time, being a "well liked, go-getter, and experienced nurse". As it turns out she was nice-not lazy- just a little slow on the pick-up? Skills she should have had down pat before comming off orientation she kept screwing up. Simple things like zeroing a monitor line or drawing labs off an a-line; 6mos off orientation she could still come close to killing a patient every week. Couldn't remember the standing orders, never had her labs done on time and never available to help with tasks requiring 2-3 staff since she was always behind on her own assignment. She was what could be called "bullied" out of the position since, despite repeated direction that she may be weak in many of the skills needed to do the job, she was determined to "hang on" and keep trying. (I guess no matter how many people she killed).This may not be you- but consider, the nurse I described I couldn't give much specific improvement goals to either. It was generaly poor priority setting with questionable time management and an inability to meld with the unit as a team. A frequent lack of attention to details and a "task oriented" approach to her patient care- not a specific behavior she needed to pay more attention to or a knowledge deficit she could study up on. As it was, the staff and unit-level management more or less just stopped bailing her out unless it would have a substantial impact on the patients recovery. If she didn't get her patient care done in a timely fasion we wouldn't compromise our patients to help her get caught up. She ended up dumping on the next shift so often, I'm sure she got the message. After a few weeks she asked for a transfer to a less acute

unit and as far as I can tell is working

out well there.

I just want to point out that you were able to articulate her problem very well.

It takes two to tango. Once you are already in a new environment, try to avoid bullying as much as possible. Good luck in your next job.

You are a smart person and I would speak up to another authority. But that is over. This is a new place and bee people. Be yourself and shine as you did. Don't let those ppl in the past to derail you. If you do have a problem speak up. It's always work policies. I find by working nights, I dodge some and I have more time to prepare or study. When I work day shift is just do what I needed to do that my boss complained about.

The comment about critical thinking was mean spirited and unnecessary. A kind and helpful approach would have been much more effective. There are all kinds of individuals that think differently. This is a good thing and leads to creative problem solving. Comments like the one above are designed to intimidate and belittle. Nurses that can't communicate well in a team setting don't respond well in an emergency situation and can have DIRECT influences on outcomes. You, my friend sound like a part of the problem

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.

How do you know that this was not a case of bullying?

I'm aware some nurses/students are not able to take constructive critisim and cry "Bully, I'm being bullied". However those people do not negate the experience of us who have been the victims of horizontal violence

I know from my own experience of being bullied as a student (and yes it was actual bullying, as opposed to me not being able to take constructive criticism). Constructive criticism is always specific and always gives the person a way to work on and improve their nursing practice.

When bullied I decided to use it as an opportunity for learning and said something along the lines of "You feel I am lacking in areas, could you give me some specific examples of practice deficits so I can work improving in these areas'.

The nurse turned around and said "Just go home and read up on the basics, the nursing basics". This was as specific as she got. Need I point out how much information comes under the umbrella of 'nursing basics'?

The OP asked for specific examples so that she could work on what others were perceived as short comings, and was fobbed of. May not have been bullying per se however someone who says "you are doing a substandard job, however I dont have any specific examples that you can use to improve your practice. It strikes me that this is not the most healthy environment to be in

I'm so tired of hearing about bullying . . . life is too short to be looking for bullies every where you go. Sounds like the OP got some negative feedback so she quit her job. Not all feedback is positive, and I doubt the new job will be all rainbows and butterflies either. But bullying? Sorry, no. Negative feedback (and it sounds like there was just one incident of it) is not bullying. Not even close.
Specializes in Peds, PICU, NICU, CICU, ICU, M/S, OHS....

Jealous women are jealous.

Nursing is 99% women. I wish it were 99% men...Would definitely make things easier and there probably would be WAY less bullying in nursing, lol!

No one bullies me, I give it right back the second they even TRY. Be confident but not so confident that you make Flo Nightingale look bad, help people when YOU are NOT busy, and ask for regular feedback from your next preceptor. If you end up with a nasty preceptor, ask for a new one.

Be assertive but don't be an asz. You get what I am laying down here? I hope so because in my experience when you help out, ask for constructive feedback, don't complain, and show confidence in your skills? You do all right. Complainers and whiners are always picked on and everyone talks about everyone else because nursing is 99% WOMEN.

If someone has an issue with me? I let it roll off my back and prove 'em wrong. I don't say anything about anyone I wouldn't say to their face and I do try to stay out of the general gossip. I always stay away from those Gossipy Gossiper Girls as MUCH as humanly possible! You know the Cliques, The Mean Girls, etc. EVERY unit has them...just steer clear and do your job well and don't give anyone anything to complain about and you'll be JUST FINE!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Jealous women are jealous.

Nursing is 99% women. I wish it were 99% men...Would definitely make things easier and there probably would be WAY less bullying in nursing, lol!

No one bullies me, I give it right back the second they even TRY. Be confident but not so confident that you make Flo Nightingale look bad, help people when YOU are NOT busy, and ask for regular feedback from your next preceptor. If you end up with a nasty preceptor, ask for a new one.

Be assertive but don't be an asz. You get what I am laying down here? I hope so because in my experience when you help out, ask for constructive feedback, don't complain, and show confidence in your skills? You do all right. Complainers and whiners are always picked on and everyone talks about everyone else because nursing is 99% WOMEN.

If someone has an issue with me? I let it roll off my back and prove 'em wrong. I don't say anything about anyone I wouldn't say to their face and I do try to stay out of the general gossip. I always stay away from those Gossipy Gossiper Girls as MUCH as humanly possible! You know the Cliques, The Mean Girls, etc. EVERY unit has them...just steer clear and do your job well and don't give anyone anything to complain about and you'll be JUST FINE!

It is truly sad that there are so many misogynists in nursing.

Some of the biggest gossips I've known are male, and male nurses are responsible for the majority of hazing I've seen. Complainers and whiners? About half men and half women.

Your "facts" are wrong, by the way. Approximately 9% of registered nurses are currently male, 7% of LPNs. In some units -- mine for example, it ranges between 46%-58% male.

1 Votes
Specializes in Operating room..

I can give it back with the best of them but you know what, I shouldn't have to. After awhile I should be able to walk into a room (I work OR) without the unwarranted gossip flying for no better reason than someone has nothing better to do with their pathetic life. It gets old. After 5+ years I left. We have a lot of men and women (RN's) in the OR but we also have CST's and about 50% of those are men, however my bully was a female (CST). Life would be so too short to spend being treated like crap.

"some of us are born with critical thinking skills, but some people like you, well, you have to learn them"

This statement is in NO WAY just "negative feedback", it is the statement of an insecure nurse who has issues with their own intelligence, that they have to go and belittle another nurse.

When I see these sort of statements, it reminds me of the unhappy, complacent bitter nurses at work, whom everyone dislikes and wished they would just leave their piss poor attitudes at home and just to their job without picking on someone else.

I really don't believe that the OP has the thin-skin in this scenario here, its obviously the nurses who felt threatened so that they had to aim low and make an unnecessary and child-like comment about how people are magically born with critical thinking skills "like them" and how some people just need to work on it. Give me a break, your insecurities are showing all over the place.

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