Hi! This is my first post. I am new here. seeing all the posts about bullying comforts me a lot.
I also currently left a job because if a charge nurse who bullied me. I have been a nurse for 6 years. I have loved the job and the workplace before. I was even part of the committees. There is this charge nurse who doesn't like me and ignores what I say. I tried being cross trained to a more specialized area a year before I quit. I even organized the the cross training process and worked with. The director of the service line ( group of different departments) was amazed by my organization skills. When I did not perform as well as expected in my cross training( it was only for 3 weeks, and in the process I had a back injury) when I returned to my floor, the bullying began. She wrote me up anonymously, The management said I had weak follow through and punished me by not giving me critical patients without my knowledge. When I asked the nurse manager about this, and I asked what are the points I missed and how I can improve on, all she said was she cannot remember the exact moment I did something wrong because it was so long ago. And to improve, she just said, "just wow us". When I asked the other charge nurse who I thought was a friend what I should do, all she said was I should shadow another nurse and she said "some of us are born with critical thinking skills, but some people like you, well, you have to learn them. I was so upset I had anxiety, insomnia, I was irritable with my family...I am also in school for degree in a good nursing school, so I know I'm super stupid right? Two doctors told me I was their favorite nurse to work with. My manager said everyone likes me. I had an above average level in my team player skills in my last evaluation. It was awful.
I started looking for jobs and I got two offers by two hospitals. I quit last month. Now, I start in my new job. I'm happy I left, but I'm sad at the same time because I will miss some good people. And I am scared I'm going to be bullied all over again. I am now so scared I plan to duck my head and just do my job and go home on my new job rather than try to get more proactive.
Sorry for such a long post. I am so glad there is a place to express our feelings and to be encouraged to try harder again and not give up.
There's a difference between constructive professional criticism and bullying. Constructive criticism details what you did wrong, how you can fix it, and how to avoid it in the future. You learn something. You learn absolutely nothing when nobody will tell you what you did wrong or how to fix it. The OP ASKED for professional criticism and was given nothing but "Oh I can't remember..." They were being penalized for a mistake nobody knew about. When the OP asked what they could do better, the manager had nothing to say. Negative feedback just for the sake of being negative, and not for improving the receiver's performance is pretty much bullying.
Sure, we only get one side of the story, but it's impossible to get the rest of the story, so we must take the OPs word for it.
I'm so tired of hearing about bullying . . . life is too short to be looking for bullies every where you go. Sounds like the OP got some negative feedback so she quit her job. Not all feedback is positive, and I doubt the new job will be all rainbows and butterflies either. But bullying? Sorry, no. Negative feedback (and it sounds like there was just one incident of it) is not bullying. Not even close.
I'm not so sure it wasn't bullying. When one nurse and this one in charge takes it upon herself to bad mouth a coworker to the manager and then the mananger can't even remember the details, but tells you to wow them and don't know what to say to improve things, that is not constructive criticism. It may very well be slander. We need to be very careful with what we say about others and how we handle so called weaknesses as one may be destroying someone's reputation. Why not speak to that person and give them the benefit of the doubt. Also was the criticism valid and unbiased or was it meant to tear down and discourage someone. We have one nurse at work that enjoys writing people up and brags about it. She is intensely disliked by everyone and seems to always be finding ways to put others down to make herself seem superior. I've seen bullying and the tactics used to discredit the target such as getting fellow clique members to complain to the manager about the same thing at different times to get the other nurse in trouble.
We all have different strengths and weaknesses and need to work as a team to help each other care for our patients, not bash someone and imply there is no hope of improvement.
I wish you luck and happiness with your new job and with grad school!
Sounds like the unit I used to work in. I loved it there for a few years. I was on the council and attended meetings too. Had a lot of friends there (still friends with). But I applied in another unit in the hospital... did not get it. Also one person was being bullied and I spoke up about it. From that point on I was bullied. Outrageous accusations. There were about 3, maybe 4 people out of a staff of at least 30. Those people ruined it for me. I left and brought my dignity with me. About 5 people left in about 6 months... all of us were bullied by those same people and all of us were excellent nurses.
Don't be scared... it's not like that everywhere. Chalk it up as a learning experience. I will never let myself get hurt by bullying co-workers again. Certain hospitals have this culture and I will now keep my eyes out for it before it happens again.
Whatever has happened to me(whether bullied, criticized,etc.) is a difficult learning experience. I am more than ever going to try very hard to provide the best care I can be. Maybe I really did lack on some things, and I can only try harder to improve next time. I still love nursing.
I'm not sure if bullying was going on here or not- but I agree you were not delt with in the most constructive manner. Please consider, I worked with nurse- she was OK- positive attitude, willing to learn, eager to help, 4-5 years in a less acute area with a desire to expand her skills, Sounds great- not so fast. She came off orientation in record time, being a "well liked, go-getter, and experienced nurse". As it turns out she was nice-not lazy- just a little slow on the pick-up? Skills she should have had down pat before comming off orientation she kept screwing up. Simple things like zeroing a monitor line or drawing labs off an a-line; 6mos off orientation she could still come close to killing a patient every week. Couldn't remember the standing orders, never had her labs done on time and never available to help with tasks requiring 2-3 staff since she was always behind on her own assignment. She was what could be called "bullied" out of the position since, despite repeated direction that she may be weak in many of the skills needed to do the job, she was determined to "hang on" and keep trying. (I guess no matter how many people she killed).This may not be you- but consider, the nurse I described I couldn't give much specific improvement goals to either. It was generaly poor priority setting with questionable time management and an inability to meld with the unit as a team. A frequent lack of attention to details and a "task oriented" approach to her patient care- not a specific behavior she needed to pay more attention to or a knowledge deficit she could study up on. As it was, the staff and unit-level management more or less just stopped bailing her out unless it would have a substantial impact on the patients recovery. If she didn't get her patient care done in a timely fasion we wouldn't compromise our patients to help her get caught up. She ended up dumping on the next shift so often, I'm sure she got the message. After a few weeks she asked for a transfer to a less acute unit and as far as I can tell is working out well there.
It's good to hear that you found another job despite of losing the job that you loved. There are a lot of people who experienced and still experiencing what had happened to you. You are very blessed because there are still opportunities offered for you. :))))))))))
cant you report it? its a shame that you had to quit, i mean your all adults right? my advice is don't let anyone push you down its your life and your job. you got in that hospital just like the rest of them and you dont have to be afraid of any bullies cuz their just sad and pathetic people trying to pass time. think of yourself as someone better than those who bully others. yeah i was bullied too so i can relate, in fact most of us got bullied at some point in our lives.
Don't let your fear cloud your judgement going forward, OP.
I do think that these vauge "I dunno how you can improve, but you need to" ways of managing are a bit nuts, especially when we are talking about someone's career.
But you need to realize, OP, that this kind of stuff is happening everywhere--especially when nurses are at a 5 year or so mark, they have history with a facility (and are so hard to mold into what current managment is seeking), they ask to be transferred, oriented to a new position (that if one is union, they get usually due to seniority--and not always the nurse managment has in mind), and/or the many, many hours of committee work, steering committees, groups of this and that (that really had a say in the future of a unit at one time) have sincerely gone away to more middle managers, nurse leadership of same and other non-in the trenches nurse opinions--often they no longer want or need the opinions of the staff nurse.
If I was you I'd bully her right back nd report her nd ignore :) I'm 20 I've been faced with idiots from grade school ,middle school and high school. But good luck to u :)
NurseDirtyBird
425 Posts
There's a difference between constructive professional criticism and bullying. Constructive criticism details what you did wrong, how you can fix it, and how to avoid it in the future. You learn something. You learn absolutely nothing when nobody will tell you what you did wrong or how to fix it. The OP ASKED for professional criticism and was given nothing but "Oh I can't remember..." They were being penalized for a mistake nobody knew about. When the OP asked what they could do better, the manager had nothing to say. Negative feedback just for the sake of being negative, and not for improving the receiver's performance is pretty much bullying.
Sure, we only get one side of the story, but it's impossible to get the rest of the story, so we must take the OPs word for it.