Bullied as a kinda new nurse

myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN · Jul 5, 2019

11 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:
I would totally divorce you over that!?

We would have to get legally married first. If she was going to go that route then she would have probably done so sometime in the past 23 years.

guest825264 · Jul 5, 2019

I would see if you can schedule a sit down meeting with your preceptor and possibly manager. Tell them that you are getting the feeling that things are going downhill and you would like to get some feedback so that you can be more productive. Then I would listen to what they have to say and analyze if this is an environment in which you can be comfortable in. Sometimes we tend to think everything is about us when in reality many things are going on in the work place and “we” are a very small part of it. Sometimes I tell myself “everything is not about me”. Lol. Because I tend to be sensitive and pick up on stress, anger, feelings of other people but then I get confused as to why these feelings are present. I say this so that you don’t give up an a job because you are internalizing everything which is something that I can relate to.

There is also the possibility that you are in a work environment that will never be comfortable for you. Sometimes we don’t fit into the culture at work. Every workplace has a culture and I have worked in some pretty mean office places. I find that the larger the employer is the easier it is to fit in because there is a more diverse employee population.

To wrap it up, it’s not always you-it’s not always them, smile, be honest, do your work and know when to hold and when to fold. Best wishes!

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 5, 2019

On 7/2/2019 at 8:49 PM, allyyy said:
I feel like I’m being bullied by the nurses on the floor that I’m orienting on. I’m a quiet person who does work quietly and thinks in my head. I only have barely a year of rehab/LTC experience so this acute setting feels pretty new. So I’m not the kind of person to go running around yelling out all of my patients problems. I read, I think, ask many questions and keep moving. I'm now being followed by the educator over an accusation of "not knowing why the patient is getting the med". I had a meeting today with my manager, supervisor, and educator and I felt like that came out of nowhere and I was completely shocked. And my preceptor was there and I felt like I couldn't say anything because I know that she said something. But I've never given the wrong patient the wrong med and I always look up meds I don't know and I always look up the doctors notes. I made an appointment to to see where that came from with only my manager, so we’ll see how that’s goes. Overall, My preceptor and I are butting heads. I feel like I'm not learning anything important from her. She proceeds on telling me things that I already know and I try to switch the topic up but then she gets annoyed. One time she was talking about something and I looked away to look at my computer (I like to multitask) and she bursted “LOOK AT ME” in front of everyone like I’m a child. I started tearing up after that. I was so embarrassed. And after that I feel like everyone is bullying me. And I wish I spoke up sooner about these issues. Idk. There's two sides of the story. But overall, I am hurt and offended that they think I would put my patient at risk. I've spent the last two days crying and I've already accepted that I'm probably going to be fired if I don't quit first. Idk. Idk what to do.

Paragraphs please. This is hard to even comprehend. Being hurt and offended is not being bullied. It's about how you are taking it.

TriciaJ, RN · Jul 5, 2019

1 hour ago, Wuzzie said:
There is multi-tasking and there is being rude. Turning away from someone, particularly someone you don't know well, and focusing on a computer screen (or phone or tablet) is extremely impolite. It's like a grown up version of a teenager's "talk to the hand".

I agree with all of this except "...grown-up version...". This behaviour is prolonged adolescence. I think the OP is having a hard time getting past herself and her subjective experiences. Nursing schools have long since stopped teaching people how to BE a nurse and how to present like one. That's why you have a preceptor who gets frustrated and blurts out something demeaning, and you have an orientee who isn't understanding what's expected of her.

Today it's not the preceptor who is venting on this forum, it's the orientee. So we'll try to help the orientee:

OP: new jobs and orientations suck in general. Others have given you excellent advice about proactively communicating with your preceptor. Once she gets that you get it, hopefully she will back off a bit. But changing the subject and turning your attention away while she's talking are not reassuring to her. You used the expression "butting heads" with her. Stop butting your head and listen to her. Life will be so much easier and you won't torpedo what might turn out to be a decent job. Start by apologizing, as others have suggested. Best wishes.

NurseBlaq · Jul 5, 2019

I usually ask people what they have or haven't done to get a baseline of where they're at and what I can and can't expect them to do without having to teach it. However, if they don't speak and relay the information then my only option is to go by what I see.

If I'm talking to someone and they turn to look at the monitor I would probably ask them is what I'm saying not important or interesting enough because they're not listening. If they reply with they're multitasking I would ask them to repeat back what I said. Everyone has things that irk them, for that nurse it was probably people not looking at her while she's talking.

OP I am confused how you had the line about knowing the patient's drugs and looking them up from the examples you showed, and the educator following you. How did that come about? Was there an issue between you and your preceptor about knowing a med during a pass?

momoneypls, RN · Jul 5, 2019

Many years ago, I asked for a different preceptor and am glad I did, as we were an incredibly poor fit. It's possible that maybe you just don't jive together well. It seems from your description, or perception of your preceptor that she is pretty abrasive. That can make it really hard for you to learn and acclimate,

Best of luck to you.

Jedrnurse, BSN, RN · Jul 5, 2019

8 hours ago, BSNbound21 said:
This is not the way to talk to an employee, or anyone. Your preceptor, like many people in authoritative positions, doesn't seem to have a very high level of social intelligence. I would never talk to talk to someone that way- it's a great way to make people dislike you and not respect you.
I walked out of a "great" job in my previous career b/c a co-worker spoke to me like this (not a manager). I told him "You can't talk to me this way- I don't know who you think you are, but not even my own father talks to me this way, so I don't know why you think it's appropriate." Then I immediately quit, much to the manager's shock, telling him I was unhappy and that the environment was abusive. Best decision ever. No amount of money is worth being treated like garbage.
You are not being bullied, but your preceptor is treating you like garbage when they embarrass you in front of others -speaking to you like a child, regardless of whether or not you looked away from his/her eyes during a discussion.

So...you stood up for yourself and then promptly quit the job?? A co-worker speaks to you disrespectfully and the whole "environment was abusive"?

There must have been a lot more going on in that workplace.

BSNbound21, BSN, RN · Jul 5, 2019

1 hour ago, Jedrnurse said:
So...you stood up for yourself and then promptly quit the job?? A co-worker speaks to you disrespectfully and the whole "environment was abusive"?
There must have been a lot more going on in that workplace.

The environment was one where employees were allowed to basically haze new people, and even though this person wasn't my manager, he was a higher position than myself. My point in telling this was that no job is worth sticking around if people are allowed to speak disrespectfully to one another.

And yes, I stood up for myself and then immediately quit because I had no interest in taking that kind of crap for the coveted job I had. I had been witnessing it with other people, so as soon as it happened to me, I was out.

Workitinurfava, BSN, RN · Jul 6, 2019

Nurses are all on different levels. In the past I wasn't in a position that was a good fit for me so learning was difficult because I really didn't want to do what I was asked to do(I didn't like the position). Are you okay with the Position/floor you are on? Start there first. Next are you afraid of looking like you are, "dumb"? Please don't be. With nursing you must be engaged mentally because you have peoples lives in your hands. You also need to protect your license. You really want to advance your skills now because as time goes on, your resume will reflect that you know more than you do and people will wonder why you don't. I know it is hard to be questioned and some nurses aren't very nice when they correct you, but if you really want this job to work, put more effort in. You preceptor will only be with you for a short time and then you can do things how you want. If you don't know something read up on it. Nurses tend to have a clan mentality because we all need each other to survive on the floors. You were tested by your preceptor, deemed to have an attitude and not care about the position and her efforts in training you. Although you are done with nursing school, you aren't finished with learning. You must study what you are learning at work at work or at home. As time goes on it will get easier. As I said, if you do like the position stick with it and put all you have into it because you will be so miserable and with the target on your back, it will be hard to cope. I have seen quiet type work, and have no one mess with them because they know their job really well. Hold your tongue, keep control over your anger, it is not always personal, if it is who cares as long as you can go to work and get paid, learn how to be more diplomatic, tell the person thank you for helping you, take notes and pick and choose your battles. You have potential but don't kill it. I am not sure what will happen next but if you can turn things around try hard.

Waiting for Retirement · Jul 6, 2019

Talk to your preceptor, she doesn’t read minds.
Listen, focus and you might learn something unexpected.
Most people believe they not only can multitask, they’re good at it. In nearly every instance...they are wrong. Pay attention.
Lastly, you should be relieved to know that you are not being bullied. You are being initiated into the real world of nursing. Hang on tight and you might just enjoy the ride!

TessLJ · Jul 6, 2019

I think you need to start with your preceptor and have a clearing of the air discussion. I think going above her to speak with the supervisor about where the accusation came from is only going to widen the chasm between the two of you.
I whole-heartedly agree with everyone who has said you need to communicate. When someone is trying to explain things to you, to change the subject or look away would convey the message that you're not at all interested in what they are telling you. Also, you're on orientation, so assuming you already know what she's telling you could be dangerous. One time I had a patient who was in respiratory failure with very high pressures on the vent, and had gotten a pneumothorax. He was still running high pressures on the vent and I was afraid he would "pop" the other lung, so I had all the chest tube equipment available in the room to be ready. I was trying to go over the clinical signs of pneumothorax with the new nurse who was taking him for the next shift, to which he responded, "Yea, yea, I know, I know," and walked away from me while I was talking. I was furious at how rude he was. Imagine how much more furious I was when I came in the next morning to find that the gentleman did indeed "pop" the other lung overnight, but in looking through the charting, the clinical signs were documented by this nurse, and not only ignored, but resulted in the patient coding before they realized he had a 2nd pneumothorax and got the chest tube in place. This nurse's unwillingness to take my advice almost killed someone. So please don't think you already know things; take some time to listen and you may learn something.

Gracefully Saved, ADN · Jul 9, 2019

I think you should talk to your manager about changing preceptors. This is ballsy I will admit but if you feel like she is bullying you and more importantly if you feel like you are not learning anything, then you need a change. Unfortunately nurses eat their young is not a false statement. I was traumatized my first year as an RN in a similar way. I was accused of doing something I did not, it spread around the unit and I would catch people talking about me. I never defended myself because 1. I didn’t see the point and 2. I felt like even if I did do what I was accused of, I was a knee nurse and I should have been corrected, not judged and gossiped about. This made me completely paranoid in nursing and it still effects me today. It’s hard sometimes it keep your head up and speak up for yourself.