Bullied as a kinda new nurse

[allyyy]

I feel like I’m being bullied by the nurses on the floor that I’m orienting on. I’m a quiet person who does work quietly and thinks in my head. I only have barely a year of rehab/LTC experience so this acute setting feels pretty new. So I’m not the kind of person to go running around yelling out all of my patients problems. I read, I think, ask many questions and keep moving. I'm now being followed by the educator over an accusation of "not knowing why the patient is getting the med". I had a meeting today with my manager, supervisor, and educator and I felt like that came out of nowhere and I was completely shocked. And my preceptor was there and I felt like I couldn't say anything because I know that she said something. But I've never given the wrong patient the wrong med and I always look up meds I don't know and I always look up the doctors notes. I made an appointment to to see where that came from with only my manager, so we’ll see how that’s goes. Overall, My preceptor and I are butting heads. I feel like I'm not learning anything important from her. She proceeds on telling me things that I already know and I try to switch the topic up but then she gets annoyed. One time she was talking about something and I looked away to look at my computer (I like to multitask) and she bursted “LOOK AT ME” in front of everyone like I’m a child. I started tearing up after that. I was so embarrassed. And after that I feel like everyone is bullying me. And I wish I spoke up sooner about these issues. Idk. There's two sides of the story. But overall, I am hurt and offended that they think I would put my patient at risk. I've spent the last two days crying and I've already accepted that I'm probably going to be fired if I don't quit first. Idk. Idk what to do.

[guest825264]

4 hours ago, workinmomRN2012 said:

As far as everyone on here (AN) saying that not looking at her when she is talking to you is rude, well I would have to say that what she did by yelling at you in front of everyone far out weighs you looking at the computer.

I agree! One nurse should never demean another in front of patients! We should function as a team. Besides how does it look to the patient? They loose confidence in the facility I am sure. If one nurse has to correct another nurse it should always be in private.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

On 7/9/2019 at 9:20 AM, myoglobin said:

Your story and my personal experiences causes me to ask the perpetual question of "why"? Is it that this behavior occurs in all industries and is just undereported or is their something unique to nursing that causes "bullying" and "eating their young" to be a perpetual topic in nursing?

I think that with nursing it is more common because there are so many things that can go wrong, we work short-staffed thereby increasing the possibility of mistakes, held accountable for life and death situations (only a small margin for error) and someone will pay the price when these mistakes occur (it is usually the nurse). I think all of these things make the perfect combination for the eating of the young. Many nurses can't handle the stress of it all so a new nurse or in-experienced nurse makes for the perfect meal. New nurses don't know enough to know what they do now, which makes it harder to fight back. New or in-experienced nurses are usually afraid to complain, because they don't want to lose their job, where will they go?, they don't have any experience to quickly get another job. I am not saying I am 100 percent right on everything but I have observed what I am speaking on.

[TriciaJ, RN]

On 7/9/2019 at 6:47 AM, myoglobin said:

Confronting someone in authority over you is psychologically difficult.

Yes it is. It's the psychologically difficult things that help you learn and grow, even if you don't get the desired outcome. Giving in to fear only feeds the fear. Standing up for yourself gets easier the more you do it.

[myoglobin, ASN, BSN, MSN]

The other problem with "confronting" my preceptor might have been two fold:

1. She may have told me something true, and hurtful which I didn't really want to hear and which have made it even harder for me to continue/survive at the job. For example she might have said: a. Myoglobin I've seen five year old children with better mechanical skills than you I don't think you should even be a nurse let alone work in the ICU. While this is probably a true statement, it's not something that I want to hear. or b. Myoglobin I've seen children raised in the wild by feral beasts with better social skills than you. Again this is probably a true statement, but again is something I didn't want to hear and at age 42 (at the time of my last orientation) and was unlikely to change. Kind of like why I would never ask my SO why she doesn't want intimacy she might say "myoglobin as you know and have told you many times in our 26 years together I find you increasingly unattractive and unappealing" again I did know, but would prefer not to hear this validated as it does nothing positive for my self image or our relationship. The summary point is: We all often know or suspect our fundamental weaknesses, but realize that we must "work with them" as best we can often by focusing on other areas and seeking other ways to compensate. Thus at my job I don't take lunch breaks, frequently buy food for workers like pizza,, try to know my patho, assessement, and pharmacology better than most and constantly seek opportunities to help others (but I still have the mechanical skills of a five year old and the social skills of Rain man). Had I "confronted" her and simply been told what essentially everyone in my life has told me since childhood it would have made me sad.

2. Also in "confronting" a preceptor there is the potential to escalate (rather than resolve) a situation. Thus, in the situation above while the preceptor (who has become something of a friend at least in a coworker sense over the course of these last eight years) did not like me and was not willing to sign off on me, I still got to stay in the ICU. Why? The manager liked me (and my SO who was a charge nurse) and simply made me finish orientation on days which while miserable (for the week it lasted) set me up for the job I held (and still work prn today) for the next eight years. The saying "the truth hurts" exists for a reason and is all the more hurtful when it's grounded in reality.

[TriciaJ, RN]

I certainly wasn't advocating "confronting" one's preceptor. I was responding to other posts where people spoke of tolerating systematic poor behaviour in the workplace for fear of "making it worse".

I guess there are really two separate issues here. One is "feeling bullied" by one's preceptor. Unless the behaviours are really egregious, the best thing is to shut up and learn.

The second issue is people behaving poorly throughout one's tenure at a workplace. Those are the people who need to be stood up to. Engaging in non-assertive behaviours is unlikely to alleviate the problem.

@myoglobin: Your sense of humour definitely puts you a few rungs above the Rain Man.