Booted on a clinical failure. I have a chance to reenter, but should I?

[CeCeInMI]

I am seriously doubting if I have the "stuff" to be a nurse anymore. I am reaching out to some wiser, cooler heads to offer some advice on what I need to do next.

I did not fail the class work. In fact, I was one of the best students in my year. I shared my notes with my peers. I tutored a few of them. I will even go so far as to say a couple of times I did everything but carry a classmate on my back to help her pass a module. I am a very bright girl. I always have been "book-smart" and I work hard too. However, I also have ADD.

I have managed to organize the way I learn in the classroom well enough to eliminate it as a problem. In clinicals, I was up and down from week to week. I could never chart on time. I couldn't get any sort of system down to get in and out of the rooms efficiently. I was pulling scraps of paper with random notes out of my pocket every five minutes. My anxiety would be sky high by the end of the shift. I just couldn't progress. I could perform the skills all day long. It was the organization piece that did me in. It was demoralizing to watch all of my peers that took the program so lightly just blaze past me in the clinical environment. I wanted this SO bad.

This has been a crushing experience for me. I mourned like I lost somebody I loved. It took me a week before I could even bear to unpack my book bag. I have the opportunity to return next year and pick up where I left off, but it will be my last shot. My program only allows one reentry. Honestly, I don't know if I SHOULD be a nurse anymore. I don't want to be incompetent or unsafe. I don't want to miss something big because I wasn't on time with my work.

I have never really been in a position where I couldn't pick something up quickly. I have never failed anything in my life. I even miss writing care plans! I just want to try every option I have before I give up. Please offer your advice or ideas. Anything, good or bad would be a help to me right now.

[RKpianoman, APRN]

I think you've answered your own question....

You did great on classwork, you obviously cared about your patients, and you even miss writing dreadful careplans. You should definitely give another shot; but, you might want to be careful how you approach it.

It does sound like your ADD and organization were really wearing you down, and this is a problem. Schedule an appointment with one of the instructors to talk to them about this and see how they can help you. Also, have you ever been medically evaluated for your ADD? If not, you might consider it; several of my fellow students have fairly severe ADD/ADHD and would be in the same situation you're in if they didn't have their medication adjusted during their first semester. Finding a counselor or faculty member to talk to regularly might help with the anxiety as well.

It's very obvious nursing is something you really want to do, so don't give up when you have another chance. Take time to see what you can do to fix your problems, but don't give up. Heck, if you even miss careplans, you should pick yourself up and get back to it! Talk to some of your instructors, see what you can do to compensate for your ADD/anxiety during clinical, make an "action plan" of what you're going to do to stay focused, reach out to others for help, and go accomplish your goals!

[AnonRNC]

I think if you have learned to manage your ADD to be successful in the classroom, you can learn to manage your ADD to be successful in clinicals. You sound passionate about nursing; give it another go, but only after you've formulated a plan!

[CeCeInMI]

I am on medication for ADD and depression right now. However, I never told any instructor that I had ADD. I have been reflecting a lot on how things got away from me. I can also say my financial situation was pretty dreadful. I also didn't eat or sleep well. Some of these things I can fix. I am currently looking at CNA and PCA positions. I hope I can find something! It has been only two weeks since I exited the program so I have a full year to build up experience.

Would I be better suited for nursing home work? I feel like consistency with patients and routines would probably be safer.

I would love to hear from any nurses that conquered their disorganization :)

[caliotter3]

I would get some serious help on your problem with organization. Go to your nursing advisor. Our program had a faculty member who also acted as the retention coordinator. She worked with students one-on-one to keep them in the program. You can be successful if you conquer your organization skills. People with ADD accomplish this all the time in daily life. You can too.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, finish what you started.

Eat right, sleep right, and figure out a way to organize yourself that does not include scraps of paper. One sheet with appropriate sections....

Now go to it!

[CeCeInMI]

I did end up emailing my the program director and asked her about what has been done for students with organization problems in the past. I will let everyone know what I learn. :)

[FineAgain]

ADD actually makes me better. I function better with a million billion bajillion things to concentrate on. I do, however, keep a "brain" and update it, highlight the things I have done, etc. It is a mess, and only I know what it means, but it keeps me organized. Another thing is...chart the minute you finish in a room. Don't get distracted by something shiny :) You have to take the time to do this. Period.

Good luck to you, it is obvious by your post that this is something you want to do. If you quit now you will be as old as me when you go back. Trust me, take the time to finish now, eat ramen noodles 3 times a day if you have to, just do it.

[CeCeInMI]

I cannot believe how many of my classmates have reached out to me since I left the program. Many of them thanked me for how much I helped them in the classroom. I do believe after a year of direct patient care experience and some good mentors, I can conquer my anxiety and my organization issues. I honestly never believed my ADD was a big deal. I also never knew I was capable of having an anxiety problem.

It's weird decision maybe, but I have decided to see a psychologist. I think that being terrified of failure is something that might need a closer look. :) My finances I will try to work on as much as I can. However I am poor, so I am a bit limited there. I didn't realize how much my financial situation would impact my effectiveness in the program.

I'm going to do this.

[Ayala]

Oh, CeCe! Big hugs to you! We could be twins. I'm going through the exact same thing myself right now.

Thank goodness you have another chance.

This website is a great place to get advice from people who have "walked the walk." You are not alone. I have come to find out that many nurses have gone through similar experiences. As painful and devastating as these experiences are (and believe me I KNOW!) you can go on and be successful.

Stay positive, stay foxussed. You can do it!!!!!!!

A

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Good for you. Find a way. Just remember a healthy diet and regular exercise can work wonders!

[CBsMommy]

I think it's great that you can reflect on this objectively and realize that you need help in a particular area! Kudos to you for that!

I think getting a job as a CNA while you are waiting re-entry would be a great thing to do. They are usually very busy and can really help you with time management. You can try and shadow a RN in your area and see how they organize their time, brain, etc. There are time-management games that you can play online as well to help you learn how to effectively organize and manage your time.

In talking to a lot of new grads, and reading posts on AN, one of the hardest things students/new grads have to deal with is organization and time management. Just keep working at it and you will figure out what works for you! Good luck to you!