Being Bullied

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Mar 22, 2015

Personally, I think that a majority of those posters are VERY quick to play the bully card. And it's not always true bullying that is happening.

I haven't looked at the links but wondering if having so many threads on the subject is an indication of the prevalence of bullying in nursing or inaccurate labeling.

nursecathi · Mar 22, 2015

I say stand up to her. Tell her you will not tolerate her belittling anymore. A lot of times that will take care of it.

caseyuptonurse · Mar 22, 2015

I have already started looking for other employment. It's not young and pretty vs old and crabby. I think it has something to do with that she just became an NP. She portrays herself to be superior to everyone. I also think that as we all do she makes mistakes and looks for someone to blame or take out her frustrations on. She doesn't talk to the other nurses this way or is demanding of them but I'm the minority. I'm one of two white nurses maybe that makes me an easy target. I'm going to make it a point to have a witness around when any interactions occur

I wouldn't pull race into this either. Smh. Honestly, sometimes people will just be this way towards you for no reason. I had an NP that did what ever she could to tattle on me and run to the DON. Every time the DON talked to me she agreed with the decisions I made ultimately over the NP. Some people are just sour towards others for no particular reason at all. You need to just keep moving along and make sure you cover your backside. Also, if you are feeling bullied it's time to look for new employment. No one should be bullied in the work place.

roser13, ASN, RN · Mar 22, 2015

Libby,
I've wondered that myself. I think if a person feels bullied, it is what they say it is. Much like the patient who complains of pain, I can't tell anyone they aren't being bullied if they feel they are. I have seen bullying in the workplace, and I've worked with some people who are very hard to get along with. I've also had coworkers complain about every little thing and call it bullying when the don't get their way.

Respectfully disagree. Pain is pain and truly is subjective. "Bullying" has a definition, and that definition is becoming wider by the day (at least on this forum). Working with someone who is difficult to get along with or who doesn't appear to like/appreciate you does not in any way equate with bullying.

Bullying (in my opinion) implies deliberate actions taken against you. Unfair assignments, outright verbal hostility, overt gossip, etc.

sarahhg · Mar 22, 2015

I can understand your point of view and I thought it was just me being sensation and over thinking things or reading to much into it. I ask several coworkers how they perceived our interactions and they say that she is very rude and aggressive towards me. One coworker was nice enough to speak to the DON on my behalf. I even catch grief when I do everything right. I hope that since everything has been laid out on the table I can go in on Monday with a positive attitude things will be different.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 22, 2015

Sounds like she's ugly and crabby and you're young and attractive. Or it could be something else. Usually that level of vitriol comes from something that emotionally afflicts that kind of person.

Really? It's just because the old, ugly NP is jealous of the young and gorgeous new grad? This is as silly as the constant overplaying of the "bully" card.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 22, 2015

I graduated in May of 2014 and started working in June 2014. I work at "nursing home". I had 4 days of training before they threw me onto the floor. I was forced to learn the facilities polices and procedures on the fly and trial be error. I have 32 patient load and bust my hump. Sometimes staying 2-3 hours after my shift in to get it all done. Since the first day I started most of the staff were extremely helpful and taught me how things were done. All except one the nurse practitioner. She constantly and actively looks for mistakes from me. She talks down to me and in a belittling tone. She has made it quite clear that I'm to drop everything I'm doing to accommodate her requests. She also pulled me in a meeting with my supervisor chased me for calling her when there was a change of condition in her patient. She was more concerned that I bothered her and busy trying to get me in trouble that in the end the patient needed a blood transfusion. Now the harassment is getting worse. She is the only NP or staff member that has a problem with me and when other nurses make a mistake she doesn't go out of her way to report them to the DON. I have no clue how to handle this. Yesterday I had an emotional break down in a meeting with her, the DON, and the administration. They basically said that this is part of becoming a nurse and that it was worse when they were working the floor. I make mistakes I am human and I learn from them, but I don't feel that being Bullied and harassed is acceptable. What do I do. If this is how it is I really don't want to be a nurse.

Evidently you're having difficulty getting along with the NP. It could be just a couple of personality quirks rubbing against each other, it could be that you're doing something that really irritates her, it could be that she's just lacking in interpersonal skills -- or that you are. Have you talked to her one on one about it? That's the first place to start. Try to have a frank, unemotional discussion. Often, that's all that's needed.

Ask her if you're doing something that is annoying her, how she'd prefer you to contact her about your patient's problems, and pick her brain about what constitutes a problem and what does not. I notice that often times new grads are too dependent upon calling the providers to make decisions for them -- decisions that they could be and should be making on their own. Is that the case here?

Are you SURE that the NP is "trying to get you into trouble" as opposed to trying to help you trouble shoot, critically think or learn protocols? How do you KNOW she was more concerned with you "bothering her" than with her patient? Did she tell you that? If she's new, she's probably scared, too. Did she assess the situation correctly, is she doing the right intervention, should she call the attending? Other nurses may be experienced enough to ignore or deflect this anxiety but you personalize it instead. How do you know what she does when other nurses make a mistake? The DON wouldn't (or shouldn't, at least) tell you when the NP goes to her with problems with other staff members.

You probably already know that having an emotional breakdown at work is both unprofessional and unconstructive. Now you have this to overcome as well.

I'd suggest you have a talk with the NP about how you two work together (or fail to). Most likely she's not a nasty, crabby bully, she's just an insecure NP who also needs to learn interpersonal skills and professional behavior. But you won't know this unless and until you've talked with her. Try to do it without involving management if you can. It will ultimately be better for both of you, and you can both save some face. Approach her from the standpoint that you want to do better and you know that she does, too. If you approach her as an enemy, it's not going to improve anything and may just make things worse.

If your other coworkers have your back, this bully shouldn't influence your decision to stay in this job. There are mean, nasty people everywhere and the ones you meet in the next job could be worse. Try to develop a thicker skin and realize that it's not about you. It's about improving patient safety and patient outcomes.

I can't tell you if you're meant to be a nurse or not. But if you decide that you want to quit nursing and do something else, you're going to find cranky people with poor interpersonal skills wherever you go. It's about people, not about nursing or NPs or whatever.

Good luck.

JustaGypsy · Mar 22, 2015

My personal opinion? Doesn't sound as if management is very supportive of you. No, it is NOT like this everywhere. Update your resume, and start going on some interviews. No one should have to withstand this level of harassment. You are a highly educated professional who should expect to be treated as such.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Mar 22, 2015

I can understand your point of view and I thought it was just me being sensation and over thinking things or reading to much into it. I ask several coworkers how they perceived our interactions and they say that she is very rude and aggressive towards me. One coworker was nice enough to speak to the DON on my behalf. I even catch grief when I do everything right. I hope that since everything has been laid out on the table I can go in on Monday with a positive attitude things will be different.

I agree with the poster who suggested you politely inquire if there is something about you, how you do things, or something you perhaps DID or SAID at one time that rubbed her the wrong way?

I don't believe for a SECOND she'll give you an honest answer. The point is that you are calling her out on her behavior BUT you 'sound like' you are just asking a simple question

I've had to do this a couple of times, and each time the other person protested "Oh no, I'm not ---" blah blah blah. And ya know, they seemed to ease up in targeting me or my work. I don't know if some people are that blind about their own behavior that they literally don't know they are acting in such a rude way, or if they were hoping to get away with it and now that you've pointed it out, they can't get away with it. Heck, I don't know, and who cares anyway? You aren't HER doormat, whatever her interpersonal insecurities are.

It might help lessen the stress this is causing you. And, I'd be polishing my resume and looking to work somewhere else. There are places to work where this kind of behavior doesn't happen.

I'm especially concerned they DON 'sided' with this NP and went along with that old, tired "It was worse when we were new nurses". Oh puleeeez. I am one of those old nurses and that is just a cop out bunch of crap and they know it.

Sometimes it happens that a person will get 'targeted' like you are, and there isn't a 'reason' or anything you are doing in particular. Often, the 'target' is someone who puts up with the targeting. That was the case with me, until my confidence in myself reached a certain point that I felt politely 'confronting' the person was something I could do. I agree this is bullying, and rather classic at that. You've done nothing to deserve it, and are well within your human and professional rights to speak up about it and/or pick up your toys and leave :)

Red Kryptonite · Mar 22, 2015

Sounds like she's ugly and crabby and you're young and attractive. Or it could be something else. Usually that level of vitriol comes from something that emotionally afflicts that kind of person.

SMH. Really?

Yes, it's always the old crone v. the sweet, doe-eyed new nurse. The old stereotypes just won't die.

Sounds like trying to provoke a verbal brouhaha with this statement. Usually that level of vitriol comes from something that emotionally satisfies that kind of person.

Sounds like this thread is going down the toilet fast. That zinger in the first response is meant to provoke. I would ignore it and just learn what bullying is and what it isn't.

Jeez folks, calm down. I'm pretty sure it was meant as a joke.

SubSippi · Mar 22, 2015

Evidently you're having difficulty getting along with the NP. It could be just a couple of personality quirks rubbing against each other, it could be that you're doing something that really irritates her, it could be that she's just lacking in interpersonal skills -- or that you are. Have you talked to her one on one about it? That's the first place to start. Try to have a frank, unemotional discussion. Often, that's all that's needed.
Ask her if you're doing something that is annoying her, how she'd prefer you to contact her about your patient's problems, and pick her brain about what constitutes a problem and what does not. I notice that often times new grads are too dependent upon calling the providers to make decisions for them -- decisions that they could be and should be making on their own. Is that the case here?
Are you SURE that the NP is "trying to get you into trouble" as opposed to trying to help you trouble shoot, critically think or learn protocols? How do you KNOW she was more concerned with you "bothering her" than with her patient? Did she tell you that? If she's new, she's probably scared, too. Did she assess the situation correctly, is she doing the right intervention, should she call the attending? Other nurses may be experienced enough to ignore or deflect this anxiety but you personalize it instead. How do you know what she does when other nurses make a mistake? The DON wouldn't (or shouldn't, at least) tell you when the NP goes to her with problems with other staff members.
You probably already know that having an emotional breakdown at work is both unprofessional and unconstructive. Now you have this to overcome as well.
I'd suggest you have a talk with the NP about how you two work together (or fail to). Most likely she's not a nasty, crabby bully, she's just an insecure NP who also needs to learn interpersonal skills and professional behavior. But you won't know this unless and until you've talked with her. Try to do it without involving management if you can. It will ultimately be better for both of you, and you can both save some face. Approach her from the standpoint that you want to do better and you know that she does, too. If you approach her as an enemy, it's not going to improve anything and may just make things worse.
If your other coworkers have your back, this bully shouldn't influence your decision to stay in this job. There are mean, nasty people everywhere and the ones you meet in the next job could be worse. Try to develop a thicker skin and realize that it's not about you. It's about improving patient safety and patient outcomes.
I can't tell you if you're meant to be a nurse or not. But if you decide that you want to quit nursing and do something else, you're going to find cranky people with poor interpersonal skills wherever you go. It's about people, not about nursing or NPs or whatever.
Good luck.

This is some of the only usable advice I've seen out of all the responses here. If you like your job, it's ridiculous to quit over not getting along with one provider, and quitting might solve this problem, but you have no idea what's going to come next. This won't be the last time you have an issue with someone at work, and this is a great opportunity to learn how to work it out.

It doesn't sound like it's so bad that you won't be able to move past it. I'm not saying that her behavior is appropriate, but either way, there is a reason for it, whether it is justified or not. I've found that this sort of tension is usually the result of a misunderstanding or a lack of communication.

Ask her questions, don't avoid or hide from her. Make eye contact, and when you call her, don't do that thing people do where you're saying a statement but the tone in your voice makes it sound like a question. In other words: be confident and direct, and you will be treated with much more respect, even when you've don't something wrong.

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Mar 22, 2015

Moved thread to Nursing colleague relationships