I'll make this as short and sweet as possible. I had really bad anxiety in nursing school, was diagnosed with panic attacks etc etc. Over the years I have grown a lot. Started working as a PCA and I went from shy bird to not so shy.
In school I was quiet, yes, but I still had friends and talked to them. I just was not the student who raised their hand up in class or was loud in clinical. I am very reserved and professional in professional settings and always get my work done.
I graduated this March. Failed nclex twice with 265 I honestly believe it was my anxiety combined with not doing enough practice nclex type questions. I finally passed this October my third time.
I began applying for jobs and reached out to a unit I really wanted to work on....I am a float PCA. Immediately got two interviews within days...was told I was going to get hired for my dream job but one more reference was needed from my clinical instructors or instructor.
They told me I had 3 days for my professor to submit the recommendation form so in desperate need to attain my dream job I emailed EVERYONE of my teachers...everyone ignored me or told me they were busy
Low and behold next day I get an email saying they decided to go with another candidate for the job....I apply to about 30 more jobs at my hospital and I was rejected to all automatically....I finally spoke to HR and the lady told me they wont be considering me for a RN position at all for a year until I get experience elsewhere BECAUSE A BAD RECOMMENDATION WAS GIVEN ABOUT ME BY A TEACHER WHO SHE COULDNT SAY WHO IT WAS....
Apparently this person expressed how much they were concerned about me being a "safe and competent" nurse. They also apparently said I would not take the initiative to care for my patients and I wouldnt be a good fit to be a nurse at this time....
SO APPARENTLY 4 YEARS AND 60K+ in debt instructors say this about me?
I also want to know how apparently I have a 3.3 GPA and never once failed out of clinical. Never once got a bad evaluation from a clinical instructor. Yet someone wants to say something bad about me NOW as a new grad and ruin my career and reputation? WHY? I cant express how much I hate nursing now...something I dreamed of doing since I was 7 years old. I cant express how depressed I am. How dumb I feel. How sad I am. How ashamed I feel. How embarrassed I am. I literally am not having the best thoughts right now. I want to just move out of this state and get away FAR AWAY.
I feel like I shouldnt have emailed everyone. I also shouldnt have stated that I got a position in the NICU (mostly NAS and GI problem babies NICU...no vents). I shouldnt have emailed out the forms as well. I feel like this person took advantage of me because the form had to be sent directly to HR so they knew I wouldnt see what they said or who sent it. Im deeply depressed. An entire hospital I was a PCA at for 3 years wont hire me. They said they take comments like that SERIOUS. They spoke with my current manager, looked at my transcripts, looked at me work evaluations and everything was good EXCEPT me failing nclex twice. The HR women said me failing twice with the bad comment was why they came up with that decision.
I am not loving life. Maybe I am not meant to be a nurse. Maybe I am not smart enough. I need somewhere to vent because I literally am about to lose my mind. The NICU was why I went into nursing. I remember going there as a child and I knew thats what I wanted to do...finally my dream was coming true and SOMEONE RUINED IT FOR ME. Help ): Where do I go from here. What do I do.........I worked at one of the best Peds hospitals...I wanted to stay in peds and now I am forced to go work else where..I have no choice...what if no one ever hires me?
Specializes in Allergy/ENT, Occ Health, LTC/Skilled.
Well OP, this sucks. This is why, unfortunately, we are required to play "the game" in nursing school if we want to get ahead after graduation. By getting ahead I mean sucking up to the school so they will "like you" and at least make your nursing school life survivable. I am like you, naturally. I am not a big social person is school type situations because I prefer to concentrate. But I have learned that you gotta look like you "fit in" or you will be ostrasized by all. It's like high school all over again except I am going into debt for it.
I would give your clinical reviews to the hospital HR just so they have it on record, doubt it will change anything. I would make an appointment with the Dean (no lawyers) to express your frusteration over this poor review and why you were allowed to graduate if they feel you were not ready. Also, from now on, do as others say and be very picky about your references.
Only reason I would get a lawyer involved is to find out whom gave the bad reference and then I would confront that person face to face and do some background investigation on them to see what I could find about them.
Other than that move on find a job somewhere in your industry, maybe LTC for a while and use that as your reference.
You applied for a job without having the proper references lined up. Then you panicked and set out a mass email to any instructor and you have no idea which one sent in your reference? That is poor and unprofessional on your part. It blows my mind that you don't even know who this was. You didn't go into your school and sit down and talk to your previous professors about which one would be able to give you a good reference? If you were so quiet, they don't know you from Adam in an email. Another mistake. And this was for your "dream job"? You screwed this up and you need to own that.
Anybody can give you a negative reference. Despite what people think, you can go out into the world and say I don't think Suzy is up for the task. The fact of the matter is you went in to this unprepared. A nurse in NICU should be prepared. If you can't prepare for NCLEX, ( by your own admission), can't prepare for a job interview process, how on earth would you show up prepared for a job everyday?
Sorry, I see the OP didn't want us to tell her anything that deviates from what she wanted to hear. This was constructive criticism which you are having a problem with, which also tells me you will struggle. You can place the blame everywhere else. Maybe that will help you get a job.
Obviously nurses have to have the knowledge to practice...again thats a given. Sorry if I am offending anyone with my comments....its hard explaining myself through chat...my comment was towards the person who said I didnt get the job because I re took nclex......
Your reference did not think you have the knowledge to practice. You must have performed satisfactory to the schools passing standards but a personal letter of recc for employment is more then whether you are satisfactory for passing. They ask questions about not only your competence but how you are working with others and their overall personal evaluation of you. We do not exactly know what the reference said about you. We just know what HR told you and who knows how much they were exaggerating or emphasizing the wrong thins.
I think it's very unlikely that a professor gave you a scathing review simply because you are "not loud."
I understand that this is highly disappointing. But this is not a catastrophe, as much as you try to frame it as such. Your life is not "ruined."
You've gotten some very good advice about only seeking references from people you are certain think very highly of you. I agree with getting an actual letter you can present to future potential employers.
DO understand that there is a big difference between passing someone (stating that they've met the minimum requirements) and being willing to go to bat for them. A professor could believe that you met the minimum requirements to pass but NOT believe you to be a good candidate for a critical care position. I can definitely believe that a professor would pass you to function AT SOME LEVEL as a nurse, at the same time having concerns about you operating safely in a highly stressful, highly technical environment. Not every nurse has the goods to work in critical care right out of the gate, and apparently this professor believed that you were not an appropriate candidate for an intensive care position. That was his opinion, right or wrong, and I doubt this person did this in order to ruin your life.
I think you should learn from this, and move on with your not ruined life. You can certainly get a job somewhere and eventually move into critical care if that is what you desire.
I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I assume that you are relatively young. Apologies if I am wrong. You have so many years left in the work force. You are just starting your nursing journey. Start looking for another job. Any job. Get some experience. Who knows that next job offer may spark a passion you didn't realize you had and lead you to your "dream job. " And if not, at least you have experience to list on a resume and people who will speak highly of your skills and abilities for when you do find that dream job.
I can understand feeling devastated after receiving a negative reference from someone at the school that you not only passed but spent 60K. The reality is that you are measured against other new grads and comparisons against say a 35 yr old with relevant work experience, life experience and possessing a sharply focused confident personality is going to weigh against you. I can see the same thing happening to me had I applied to critical care, especially in peds or neonatal, when I graduated. I could pass tests all day but I was an emotionally immature 22 yo who had some growing up to do. I graduated in a severe nursing shortage and I applied to a low acuity med surg floor following a 4 month nurse residency so my readiness and competitive was not as crucial. I was literally allowed to mature on the job.
It sounds like this negative reference came from an onsite clinical instructor versus a professor/full time faculty. This instructor observed you in action and sounds like he doesn't think you've got the maturity and readiness to start in NICU. Had you applied for a difference position he might have given a modified review.
I'm thinking you could seek honest feedback and be mature and strong enough to receive it. And to speak with your manager and HR and ask about an action plan to ready yourself for an RN position. It may not get you an RN position in your current hospital but it might help you be better prepared for future job applications. I might also ask if they had any type of competency testing to see if you could pass or at least see another angle where work is needed.
I can only hope you were extremely sleep deprived or high on some sort of substance when you wrote this. You SERIOUSLY would do this? Wow...
Only reason I would get a lawyer involved is to find out whom gave the bad reference and then I would confront that person face to face and do some background investigation on them to see what I could find about them.
Other than that move on find a job somewhere in your industry, maybe LTC for a while and use that as your reference.
Go re-read what you wrote. You said, MORE than once, that part of the reason that they did not hire you was because it took you multiple attempts to pass the NCLEX. YOUR words.
Sometimes its hard to explain what I mean over text. Sorry if it came off as saying its just a license and I wasn't considering someones life. I think an individuals life is a given...everyone knows thats important. I guess I was trying to get at the fact that this person went so much out of their way to ruin my reputation as a new grad when its my license NOT theirs.... Of course I don't know everything but I was going to get almost a years worth of training at my job and not only that I would have had to take special ICU exams...again like I said I wouldn't risk someones life. I made sure I didn't apply to a floor with babies on vents or in CRITICAL condition. The floor I was going to get hired on was the stable NICU with NAS babies, GI and feeding issues. Nothing I know I wouldnt be able to handle...Ive floated to the floor numerous times and worked with the nurses...they even suggested I apply for a job there.
When I made the statement about paper and pencil...I also meant that a test doesnt determine whether someone will be a good nurse. Someone can easily ace an exam but doesnt mean they will make a good nurse...they could just be a good test taker. Obviously nurses have to have the knowledge to practice...again thats a given. Sorry if I am offending anyone with my comments....its hard explaining myself through chat...my comment was towards the person who said I didnt get the job because I re took nclex......
I think after reading some of your followup posts OP that if you can get a good reference from another instructor absolutely do that. Get your copies of your transcripts and evals. Get a letter of recommendation from your current employer for your current work, put together a professional portfolio and move on.
You can get RN experience and then reapply. Not your original plan, but entirely doable. Your life is absolutely not ruined. We all make mistakes (yours was not planning ahead for references) and sometimes have to make a detour in our plans. Hang in there. It'll be worth it. :)
To the person who said maybe they aren't trying to ruin me and are looking out for me....why do they care? It's my license. Not theirs. At the end of the day I will lose my license if I am not competent.
This person ruined my life. I never will be going back to this hospital because now I have a reputation
the nursing community is small in each town and city
I guess I was trying to get at the fact that this person went so much out of their way to ruin my reputation as a new grad when its my license NOT theirs
I would like to point out that by giving a personal recommendation that person is putting their own hard earned reputation on the line. If someone writes a falsely positive letter and something happens, especially if it is found out they witnessed an event that contradicts what they said, then their reputation is now trashed. Do you really think it won't be remembered and that their professional opinion and judgement won't be questioned in the future? You even say the nursing community is small, which makes it even more critical for you to guard your professional reputation.
None of us know what this person was thinking, but it seems that from their perspective they didn't think you were ready for this position. They obviously felt so strong about it that just saying, "I can't serve as a reference for or against the prospective candidate" wasn't enough. It certainly stinks and many of us don't understand why they just didn't ignore the request, but again none of us are in this person's shoes. Unless I saw or know something very serious, I tend to just say I don't know the person well enough to serve as a reference. I take my word and my reputation very seriously.
Now for the good news- this isn't the end of the world and you can recover from this. Mope about for a bit of time, then jump back in with an action plan. I'd say a lot of people have experience with getting rejected from jobs. I've had it happen for an organization I thought I really wanted to be a part of. I was disappointed for a while and then moved on. I'm now thrilled with the organization I'm currently with. I like to stay as positive as possible and think that everything happens for a reason. I didn't get the job with the first organization because I was meant to be at the other organization.
You've learned a valuable lesson about having references and positive letters lined up ahead of time and had months to get everything lined up while trying to pass the NCLEX (and that is on you). I had 3-4 very positive letters of recommendation in my hand before finishing school. I submitted them with my initial applications when I could and also brought multiple copies of each to my interviews. I like to have little packets for each interviewer paper clipped together with a copy of my resume and a copy of every letter of recommendation to make it easy for them.
Your situation stinks, but it would just be best to move on and learn from it. I don't think further action would end up working in your favor, especially as you have stated the nursing community is small. You don't want to earn yourself the reputation of a trouble maker who is hard to work with and who doesn't take criticism well. The best medicine so to speak is to find a job with another organization and prove all the naysayers wrong. Good luck!
LPNtoRNin2016OH, LPN
541 Posts
Well OP, this sucks. This is why, unfortunately, we are required to play "the game" in nursing school if we want to get ahead after graduation. By getting ahead I mean sucking up to the school so they will "like you" and at least make your nursing school life survivable. I am like you, naturally. I am not a big social person is school type situations because I prefer to concentrate. But I have learned that you gotta look like you "fit in" or you will be ostrasized by all. It's like high school all over again except I am going into debt for it.
I would give your clinical reviews to the hospital HR just so they have it on record, doubt it will change anything. I would make an appointment with the Dean (no lawyers) to express your frusteration over this poor review and why you were allowed to graduate if they feel you were not ready. Also, from now on, do as others say and be very picky about your references.