I have a question regarding comment my current boss made. I am currently a nursing student and graduate soon. I have worked as a nursing assistant and various other jobs on my unit for about a year and a half. My boss has already said I have an RN position with him/her on our unit after I graduate. He/She has promised me ICU experience within my first year, something I REALLY would like out of my new career since this is where I would like to focus (I know it is rare in most hospitals to work in the ICU without 1-2 years of RN experience). Anyways, I was working with my boss the other day and he/she asked if I already had children or if I was planning on having them in the future. After I told him/her my husband and I would like to have a family he/she made the comment "You know if I let you work for me I am going to need you to give me a full year before you get pregnant"- he/she then smiled and looked at me and asked "You promise me that you won't, right?" I was blown away at his/her request and replied "I'll think about it."
I know that RN bosses are probably annoyed when they get new nurses hired who then quickly become pregnant, take family leave, reduce hours, etc. I would have no problem with this, say, five years ago, even two years ago. But I will be past 31 years old by the time I graduate. Before this conversation with my boss my husband and I had been talking about trying to get pregnant within the next few months. Now I don't know what to do because my boss is not the real forgiving, accepting type- from previous experience of seeing him/her deal with issues with other RNs, I know I would pay for this decision some how- he/she is vengeful. So I guess I need advice on the best way to deal with this situation. I cannot go to HR because you have to explain the situation which would then be explained to him/her and he/she would know I was the one who said something. Thank in advance who your any advice you can offer.
Completely, astonishingly inappropriate, and illegal to ask about this in a hiring/work milieu. It is absolutely none of anyone's business. Damn right I would tell HR so they can have a little chat c him.
Getting pregnant (unplanned)shortly after graduating nursing school has very much limited me as a RN. In the current job market employers don't have to give a darn about why there are gaps in your employment, why you worked LTC, ect. I turned down a acute care job because I knew how uncaring the manager had been to other nurses who took FMLA. A new grad OB (notice the irony) nurse told me that she was told during her interview " we really don't want to hire and have to train someone who is going to get pregnant."
And, like you said, managers can be quite vindictive when they want to get rid of you. I would wait 1 year but do report to HR.
That is totally inappropriate, and as others have mentioned, illegal.
I remember being extremely nervous to tell my boss that I was pregnant. She took it well, and I admitted to my nerves. She laughed and said " I manage a bunch of women in their 20s and 30s, if I thought I wasn't going to have to deal with maternity leave what would that say about me?"
Well, answer that question and apply whatever adjective you come up with to your manager... Then go ahead and live your life. No one gets to dictate this choice to you, and not every manager is a jerk.
I like to look at the bright side of things. You have the knowledge you need to make an informed choice and make decide where your goals are priorities lie.
I wanted to go into OR after my first year of med-surg, but the openings at my hospital required a 2 year commitment. I wanted to have kids in the near future, so I applied where I didn't have to make a long term commitment(I am still there 15 years later).
Firstly It is nobody's business when you get pregnant and you certainly cannot discriminate but when a male member of staff took 12 weeks fMLA after the birth of his baby-I was taken back a little.
If this is your dream position and you can otherwise stand working for this boss, I'd go ahead and take it. Then have a baby when you and your husband want to. The condition of your uterus is not your boss's concern, and illegal to ask you about anyway.
I voted look for a different opportunity. First of all, whether you have children or not, and your intention to have children, is ILLEGAL for an employer to ask!! It I simply, NONE of her business. Your reproductive business is YOUR business only. No way would I delay having a child due to my boss. You never know what could happen. If she is that shady,she would ask hat...I'd wonder what else she is shady about.
First of all; crazy inappropriate. But to be fair; I don't think your boss is too different from others; he just doesn't have a filter. Sadly, I bet he/she would only be in trouble if he/she could actually ever be proven to dismiss/fail to promote someone due to pregnancy and that would be hard, though your testimony would be very helpful.
As personal advice; I hear you about the clock ticking but . . .
I've seen several new nurses who got pregnant their first year. Most understood they needed to be there at least 6 months to get FMLA but still when the standard 12 week FMLA interrupts that first year or two of essential learning, it seems to take a long time to recover. They stuck it out, but pretty much all of them commented on how hard it was to get back on track after their leave besides the usual stresses of new grad learning curve in addition to the stresses of new baby, trying to work, pump and so on. . . It's really hard. Every last one of them talks about how hard it is to work full-time and they don't know if they will be able to keep it up.
Not saying to not do it; it's your life, but you want advice from people who have been there/done that. . . Or at least worked with several dozen who have. . .
Go have your kids and to hell with your boss. He/she has no say over your body and personal life, and I would be seriously concerned about working for this person. Run for the mills! Run...for...the....mills!
I don't agree with the boss asking you ANYTHING personal that you did not volunteer. What you do OFF of his/her clock is not of their concern.
Now another thing, I have 3 kids. I have ALWAYS wanted to be an RN. I am 35 years old. I purposely waited until now to start school because of my children. They are old enough now (17, 13 and 9) that they understand that mommy is dedicated to becoming a nurse. They also see the dedication and hard work it takes to achieve a dream and therefore motivates them and I don't have to worry about possibly getting pregnant now since hubby and I are done having children. We both are dedicated to our careers (and the kids) and can give more of what our employers (well, my potential/future employer) ask of us.
As someone mentioned, being and RN fresh out the gate still puts you in the "student" phase for quite a while. You are truly in a rock and a hard place; but I wish you nothing but the best!
Thank you all so much for our advice. I appreciate the support and honesty from everyone. I should have mentioned that I plan on signing on not as a full-time or part-time employee, but PRN- we get great benefits through my husbands career. I wonder if this has any impact on the situation since I do not believe I will eligible for FMLA. I can see how I should go to HR, but at the same time if he/she realized it was me from hearing the details, then I am out a job. Again, I really, really appreciate EVERYONE'S advice and will take all comments to heart over the next few months while I try to figure this out.
nurseprnRN, BSN, RN
1 Article; 5,116 Posts
Completely, astonishingly inappropriate, and illegal to ask about this in a hiring/work milieu. It is absolutely none of anyone's business. Damn right I would tell HR so they can have a little chat c him.