Ask for advice (then explain why it's wrong)

[Emergent]

I see this over and over here. Someone asks for advice, and gets almost unanimous responses to go in a certain direction. Then they come back a say why they aren't going to take the advice, and how they knew better all along.

Are they just thinking out loud?

[Jules A, MSN]

I can never decide if I love or loathe the many threads where the OP asks for "advice" and as all the respondents [myself included] merrily argue our viewpoints the OP never comes back. I've seen these threads go on for pages sometimes.

Lol I do find it offensive when an OP doesn't at least have the courtesy to come back and say a brief thanks for those who took their time to participate no matter how carried away we might get.

[Nursynursenurse, ADN, RN]

Just because someone asks for advice doesn't mean they must agree with and accept your opinions. I think its healthier for a discussion if both sides provided an explanation for their reasoning rather than get angry or disappear.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

We live in such a validating society. If you re-word, re-hash, and rewind something long enough, someone is bound to agree. Then you can re-work parts of a whole to suit one's own needs. THEN one can feel good about what they are doing or not doing.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Be mindful that some persons are not really seeking advice, even if they asked for it. While they might have outwardly requested 'advice,' it soon becomes clear through their responses that they simply wanted a chorus of people to validate decision(s) they have already made.

And when the vast majority of the respondents fail to validate a poor decision (read: "I've been unemployed six months but I'll wait for a hospital job because I don't want to work in SNF, corrections, home health or psych"), the OP disagrees and follows the course of action they always intended to pursue.

People sometimes want a yes-person who will tell them precisely what they want to hear. Advice that differs from the unwise course of action (read: "Accept the job you've been offered because you don't want to become a stale old grad") is instantly discounted because the poster never really sought advice in the first place.

People are fishing for validation. We cannot always provide it.

And those people I can usually weed out by their use of the word "advise" in place of "advice" "Help, I need advise about this situation at work!"

[Red Kryptonite]

And those people I can usually weed out by their use of the word "advise" in place of "advice" "Help, I need advise about this situation at work!"

LMAO so true!

[Farawyn]

And those people I can usually weed out by their use of the word "advise" in place of "advice" "Help, I need advise about this situation at work!"

I'm about to loose my mind!

[Emergent, RN]

I'm about to loose my mind!

Their, their my friend, your going to be ok.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Oh, Emergent, get with it. ur gonna b ok. hang lose.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Their, their my friend, your going to be ok.

My head just exploded as I wept for the future

[Emergent, RN]

Oh, Emergent, get with it. ur gonna b ok. hang lose.

I except the fact that I'm getting old. It wud b kewl if you'd do the same :thumbup:

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I ecxept that ur gettin old. I been old 4evah.

[ceccia]

Most of the time, people will straight up tell you what they are seeking and what the purpose of their OP is. I see a lot of topics where the OP says something like "i made this mistake /did something wrong; now what should i do?" and then a pile-on of people berating the OP for what they already did, lecturing them on how stupid they were, etc. How is that helpful? It's not. Then when the OP says it's not helpful and not what they asked for, everyone gets all "but you asked for advice! this is the internet, i can say anything i want; don't say anything if you don't want my unhelpful word vomit in reply!"

If the OP says they're already beating themselves up and have regrets and they are looking for encouragement and ideas on how to move forward rather than another useless lecture, and then you give them a useless lecture, come on! Have some self control and if you don't have anything actually helpful to say, don't bother.

Another frequent one is an OP asking for advice on how to do something (transition into a diffcult-to-enter specialty area without a lot of experience, get a hospital job as a new grad, get a new job with a less-than-stellar employment history, etc.) and getting replies of "you can't". Fail! Not helpful. No wonder people started putting "no negative replies please" in their topics. The OP didn't ask for a chorus of negativity; they want to know if anyone has any creative, out-of-the-box ideas for accomplishing what they want which they may not have considered or may not know about. If you can't give someone what they're asking for, then you don't have anything of quality to contribute and you should click out of the topic without saying anything.

Same with topics about conflicts with a manager, co-workers, and/or patients. Assuming the problem is really the OP and replying as such is useless. If you can't put yourself in the OP's shoes, or you feel too close to the issue (i.e. if you're sensitive about negative attitudes toward older nurses and someone complains about a co-worker who is older), check your biases before you reactively accuse the OP of being the problem.