Ask for advice (then explain why it's wrong)

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Specializes in ER.

I see this over and over here. Someone asks for advice, and gets almost unanimous responses to go in a certain direction. Then they come back a say why they aren't going to take the advice, and how they knew better all along.

Are they just thinking out loud?

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People ask for advice, but are often just wanting people to agree with the decision they've already made. When they don't agree, the thread turns ugly!

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Be mindful that some persons are not really seeking advice, even if they asked for it. While they might have outwardly requested 'advice,' it soon becomes clear through their responses that they simply wanted a chorus of people to validate decision(s) they have already made.

And when the vast majority of the respondents fail to validate a poor decision (read: "I've been unemployed six months but I'll wait for a hospital job because I don't want to work in SNF, corrections, home health or psych"), the OP disagrees and follows the course of action they always intended to pursue.

People sometimes want a yes-person who will tell them precisely what they want to hear. Advice that differs from the unwise course of action (read: "Accept the job you've been offered because you don't want to become a stale old grad") is instantly discounted because the poster never really sought advice in the first place.

People are fishing for validation. We cannot always provide it.

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Sometimes all a poster wants is someone patting their hand as they offer up some tea and sympathy and "there, there, I agree with you."

Yes, it can be frustrating to offer advice to see it outright disregarded because it's not what the poster wanted to hear...but there's not much you can do about that, except not offer the advice in the first place.

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Perhaps it's too embarrassing to just come out and ask "Hey y'all, I just hung an IV on myself, bad hangover! Tell me I didn't deserve to be fired when they caught me!"

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Perhaps it's too embarrassing to just come out and ask "Hey y'all, I just hung an IV on myself, bad hangover! Tell me I didn't deserve to be fired when they caught me!"

Yea, that blew my mind.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

Although as someone who likes to think they are correct 100% of the time if I don't challenge myself and consider opposite points of view I won't grow as a person or nurse. I have a fairly low idiot threshold but something I realized years ago is that even someone I considered a moron has taught me something worthwhile. Sometimes if a comment raises our hackles that is all the more reason to take the time to consider why even if it feels uncomfortable.

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Although as someone who likes to think they are correct 100% of the time if I don't challenge myself and consider opposite points of view I won't grow as a person or nurse. I have a fairly low idiot threshold but something I realized years ago is that even someone I considered a moron has taught me something worthwhile. Sometimes if a comment raises our hackles that is all the more reason to take the time to consider why even if it feels uncomfortable.

This is me. I've usually pretty thought out and analyzed before I post (I haven't asked for personal feedback here but have on other boards) and anyone in real life usually validates me when what I'm looking for and needing are opposing views to check my initial thoughts against.

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Something in the same vein that I see is a rejection of a lone dissenter (or a few in the minority) that don't follow the popular viewpoint. Unless the opposing view is completely outrageous there can be value there that often isn't considered, even if just to doubly confirm that the well received feedback is best for the situation.

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I think in a lot of cases, the written word is a poor medium in which to communicate clearly. It is too open to interpretation and easy to infer attitudes and ideas that are not there. Some people are not good at expressing themselves this way, and it can be a fertile ground for misunderstanding. I think that a lot of the time, users' responses might be different if the communication were in a face to face format.

I think it's also a lot easier to give harsh feedback to someone anonymously over the internet than face to face with someone you interact with on a regular basis.

I would never post here seeking advice on anything very personal or that I already had strong feelings about. I'd rather speak in person with a few trusted individuals- not because I don't want to hear contrary points of view, but rather, because when given face to face, contrary points of view are often delivered with more kindness than what I frequently see on the internet.

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Specializes in Management, Med/Surg, Clinical Trainer.
Perhaps it's too embarrassing to just come out and ask "Hey y'all, I just hung an IV on myself, bad hangover! Tell me I didn't deserve to be fired when they caught me!"

Or worse the nurse really DID believe that she should not be fired...and when confronted with the real world of cause and effect the poster gets defensive.

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Specializes in hospice.
Perhaps it's too embarrassing to just come out and ask "Hey y'all, I just hung an IV on myself, bad hangover! Tell me I didn't deserve to be fired when they caught me!"

Or how about, "Tell me why I'm right to turn down a job as a new grad in a massively saturated job market! And if you don't, I'm going to turn down the job anyway, hold out for acute care, and stick my fingers in my ears and go "la la la la la can't hear you!"

And then in a few months they'll be back crying about how they can't find a job and it's so unfair to new grads.....

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