I am transgendered, and though I have chosen to live my life as the sex I was born (male) as, an argument I had with my aunt tonight has me wondering about some things. She does not think that I should consider getting into the nursing field because the job would "be too intimate and personal" and "I know I wouldn't want a transgendered person taking care of me". I tried to tell her that one's sexual orientation or identified gender have NO BEARING WHATSOEVER on how good a nurse that person may or may not be.
I do agree that a person that obviously looks like a male but is wearing makeup, or that is "flaming", is going to cause some problems with some patients, but in general, no one has "I am really a male" on their name tag. Keeping in mind that I knew nothing about transgenderism back in 1997, I was a CNA back then and when I mentioned that to her she said "well, I didn't think it was an appropriate job for you back then". Grrrr......
What have your experiences been with this sort of thing? Have you noticed transgendered healthcare staff being treated differently be co-workers, management, patients or their family? Has being transgendered caused issues in getting hired? Have you ever had to deal with family that were generally negative about anything you ever said or did?
i have to give kudos to mtv on their real world selection this yr, actually. usually i don't watch bc it's as real as velveeta, but this year there is a transgendered person as a cast member who is s/p reassignment surgery and is very open about her struggles with being a healthy male with a female brain. she even shows her video diary of going to thailand for the surgery and crying because she feels so alone in a foreign country but that she knows she will finally feel happy in her own body. i admire her for her courage and i thinks she will be able to inspire alot of young ppl like herself.
I resent the 'djc' person thinking that I was 'punking' people here. Actually, I don't even know what that word means aside from someone with a mohawk, living somewhere in Ireland. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the intention of the word.
Anyway... I am a real transgendered person and I speak exactly what is on my mind. If this 'djc' person had paid attention I said more than once in the thread that I needed to be very careful about what I say because I have a divorce case brewing, and it happens to be in a state that isn't very TG-friendly. Stop assuming that every thread that shares personal details and that gets lots of responses, is some sort of 'punk'. I don't feel the 'djc' person deserves any more explanation than that.
I read the responses after my last post, and I think I'd like to touch on them. My wife knows that I was very happy 'trying' to present as a woman. My face is androgynous, but leans toward masculinity (because of my nose). If my nose were feminine-looking, my looks would change dramatically. Every single person that has seen my photos online (I won't show them here for the obvious reason) has said that I have a great foundation to work from. No prominent jawlines, rather smooth skin, lips that a woman would die for. Yes, I would have to spend quite a chunk of change to feminize my face, but nowhere near the amount that most do. And I would benefit greatly from those changes. I got side-tracked there, sorry.
Back to the question of whether I am truly happy living as a man. I can not give that answer, and it's not because I don't know the answer or that I am afraid that it would cause someone (myself or my wife) a lot of pain. I can not give that answer because it's a damned-if-I-do-damned-if-I-don't situation. There are benefits and drawbacks to living as either sex, and that is what makes me truly transgender. I can say that most of my happiness living as a man would come from being a 'husband' (I'm willing to make that sacrafice) and being a 'father' (again, my son is worth the sacrafice). The big, BIG question right now as far as my wife is concerned is whether she left me because she just didn't love me anymore, in which case sacrificing myself would make a lot less sense, or because it was because she just wanted me to be happy and that by not truly being happy living as a man I could not truly be happy with her. Again, I'm saying this from what I feel would be her perspective. In other words, at this moment I am choosing to NOT further explore "Kristie" out of fear that I might lessen the chances of my wife coming back to me. I hope everyone can understand why I am taking the position that I am.
I am going to explore how I might be able to live androgynously, for my own sake. You know, it wasn't like I was wearing min-skirts or dresses or had this big frizzy wig or tons of makeup on. The only stuff I ever wore was panties (of course! hehe), sometimes a bra although it was mostly unnecessary, eyebrow pencilling, mascara, jeans and a tee-shirt. Oh, and a pink/purple jacket I bought at Wal-Mart. I really not wear anything that screamed "feminine!!!!". If my wife left, it likely had more to do with her fear of where all of this was heading.
Specializes in Peds Critical Care, Dialysis, General.
tm
Please know that the vast majority of us who have followed this thread felt your pain, your conflict and your sincerity. Your posts were intelligent and real. Also know that you have people here who support you and wish only the best for you, whatever that path might be. You are having to make difficult choices and you are in what seems to be a no win situation that most of us won't have to face.
My grandmother had an old country saying - "everybody knows what to with the devil except the one's that got him". Choosing your path won't be easy, but you are the one who will live it - follow your heart.
Again, I will say, makes no difference to me about the transgender status as relates to the nursing profession. Follow your heart and dreams. I just want a co-worker who is there for the patients and that I know will have my back.
I know that I know 2 transgendered women, if that makes sense. I may know more than 2, but if so I have no idea they are TG! Anyway, the first time I met one of them, she was introduced as "Julie" (not her name, of course). I noticed that she had a strong jawline and a little lip hair and thought to myself, 'that must have been awkward in high school, how unfortunate.' I found out that she was transgendered when she was planning the trip overseas for reassignment surgery--at the time her passport said "James" and she was a bit worried about what might happen if she was chosen for individual search at the airport. Some time during the transition process, she met "John/Joanne" and they became friends...now Joanne and Julie are living together and are quite happy. Julie has 2 children, both teenagers, and they call her "Julie" now. I have no idea if they had trouble getting used to their father being a woman, but the few times I've met them they've seemed very confident and well-mannered (as much as teenagers can be well-mannered, LOL!).
Julie recently lost her job because, according to a supervisor, she "talked about her sexuality too much." When she heard that, Julie replied, "why is it okay for you to talk about your wife at work, but not okay for me to talk about my wife?" Unfortunately, she worked for a Christian health care organization, and a woman talking about her wife (regardless of birth gender) didn't fit with their 'mission statement' and 'core values'. It had nothing to do with her competence as a caregiver.
I was going to say more, but I'm getting too worked up--Julie is a wonderful woman and a dear friend, and the whole job situation just sucks.
Specializes in M/S,Tele,HIV/AIDS,Research,IV Therapy.
Hi Matthew, I agree with everything you said in principal. However I notice you are in Fort Lauderdale. I have had a lot of gay friends from this area migrate to Ft. Lauderdale because of the social environment there. We don't know where the OP is from. If OP is from Chattanooga TN he might be grudgingly accepted by most coworkers and if he is not blatant, by most patients. Many Coworkers make wisecracks about even the best gay male nurses and I have no idea what they say about the females. They are careful about what they say to your face. We don't have any TG coworkers to my knowledge.
My understanding is health care is quiet liberal compared to other professions in their acceptance of sexuality. There are miles of difference between the acceptance levels in Chattanooga than in Fort Lauderdale and I bet there is far more predjudice in other areas of the country.
I believe that both my friends who died way too young had to do with their inability to negotiate their self expression in their lives and cultures. The two who are still living have negotiated more to varying degrees. Unfortunately there are still lots of Broke Back Mountains in the US.
It makes me hopeful when I hear stories like yours. :flowersfo I hope to see the day when that could take place in Chattanooga or Billings.
:loveya:
Mahage
I completely understand. I grew up in Southern Indiana (almost Kentucky) I hated being in that city almost every day of my 18 years there:banghead:. I too hope that one day acceptance and understanding will be common in all cities and states. I invite anyone to come to South Florida it is much more comfortable than many other states for GLBT people:kiss. Stay away from central and northern Florida it still VERY much backwards. Thanks for the input you made me remember what it must be like in some states.
Honestly as long as you do good work I could care less, i think it is great that you have a strong attitude but remember some people are not as open minded as others and you can't force your ideals on them and that includes patients.
Does anyone else feel with some of the OP's over-the-top posts that we are all getting punked??
LOL. I wish I did. If the OP is for real then take a minute and think about your son. How much turmoil will it bring to his life for YEARS to come if his dad decides that he is now a woman (or female brain living in a male body or whatever) and his name is now "Kristy". This life is not all about chasing what we want. Once you become a parent I believe you are a part of something much bigger than yourself by the influence you will have in a kid's life for the rest of his/her life. How bout keeping your "Kristy" under wraps except for weekends when your boy is far far away. Would that be so hard? Any other action would be selfish.
LOL. I wish I did. If the OP is for real then take a minute and think about your son. How much turmoil will it bring to his life for YEARS to come if his dad decides that he is now a woman (or female brain living in a male body or whatever) and his name is now "Kristy". This life is not all about chasing what we want. Once you become a parent I believe you are a part of something much bigger than yourself by the influence you will have in a kid's life for the rest of his/her life. How bout keeping your "Kristy" under wraps except for weekends when your boy is far far away. Would that be so hard? Any other action would be selfish.
that's really not very nice.
children love their parents unconditionally. as he is now, or as kristy, he is still his son's parent, his son loves him for his heart, not his looks or his gender. i have a very good friend whose dad is now mom and married to a man, and they love her unconditionally, because it's the person underneath that is what matters.
i think the OP stated he is remaining male for his son's sake. but kids at school or wherever will be cruel over many things anyway. people are more progressive and accepting of a transgender lifestyle in other areas of the country and that's a possibility for the OP too.
Kids are a lot more accepting than a lot of the adults posting on this board. I just got my new copy of the Human Rights Campaign magazine today. In it was a quote which refers to a social worker who was placing children with different families. She said to a little boy:
"You're going to meet all sorts of families. You're going to meet black families and white families. And it just so happens that the family you're going to meet next week has two dads and two dogs." The child shouted "TWO DOGS!"
I think this story pretty much sums it up. Children are open and accepting, but their views are often tainted by what adults say to them, unfortunately.
I am a gay, male, nursing student (LPN). Even though I'm not your stereotypical "flaming" gay guy (a few of the girls in the class actually thought I was lying just to get close to them) everyone has been pretty receptive to it. One of my school's past students who now works at a clinical site that we go to who also happens to be gay dressed up in drag for Halloween. Most of the patients got a kick out of it and the ones who didn't... well they didn't really score that well on the coma scale to begin with. I'm not saying being transgendered is the same thing as dressing up in drag, I'm not implying that at all... but I just wanted to illustrate that people can be a lot more open and receptive to you than we as a glbt community give them credit for sometimes. It is probably different depending on the culture of the facility and are you work in... so just feel them out.
In the end however, it is about the patient. Our personal lives and what makes the patient comfortable can sometimes clash... it's just something I am willing to prepare myself for if the situation ever comes up... but you know what they say (not sure who "they" is), "Experience is something you get after you need it."
I have to say that catshowlady did a very good job of answering your quesion. I agree with her views of what makes a good nurse and of your family.
As for those who say they have never worked with a transgendered person before...never say never. You may have and just not known it.
This is true..while I've never had a close friend or family member who is transgender, I have had acquaintances who were(friend of a friend). This person was a male to female transgender and you truly could not tell that she used to be male..it's my understanding that normally, the younger you are when you have your reassignment surgery, the better the result. I was also told that they have to go through counseling and preparation, which includes living as your chosen gender before the surgery. This process takes a while, I believe.
I only care that my nurse is compassionate, and skillfull...OP, if you want to be nurse, go for it.
Thanks for the input you made me remember what it must be like in some states.
flightnurse2b, LPN
1 Article; 1,496 Posts
i have to give kudos to mtv on their real world selection this yr, actually. usually i don't watch bc it's as real as velveeta, but this year there is a transgendered person as a cast member who is s/p reassignment surgery and is very open about her struggles with being a healthy male with a female brain. she even shows her video diary of going to thailand for the surgery and crying because she feels so alone in a foreign country but that she knows she will finally feel happy in her own body. i admire her for her courage and i thinks she will be able to inspire alot of young ppl like herself.