An odd staff member

Nurses General Nursing

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I had to really think about whether or not to pose this question here on allnurses. But after some thought, I would like to get some feedback on how to deal with this awkward situation. I am at a loss.

We recently hired a new employee. He seemed a bit odd at first, but I just chalked it up to my perception being off. A few days later, I was having lunch in the break room and hear him telling a co-worker EVERYTHING about his life. He left nothing out. We were all sitting at the same table, and he did not speak in a quiet tone. He was describing how he was sexually abused all his life by his father, that his wife died a year ago, leaving him with 4 kids to raise on his own-two of them with special needs; how his financial struggles are never-ending. He says that he is anxious because his mother had a heart attack last week and he had to leave work early (and did our co-worker think that management would look unfavorably upon him because he had to leave early?). Then he announced that his new girlfriend just died from a seizure. Our co-worker patiently listened and invited him to join her church to see if he would find a support group there that he liked. The rest of us ate our lunch quickly and left the break room.

Last week, more than a few co-workers approached me and told me that this new employee was making them uncomfortable, because he was elaborating on his life's challenges.

I don't know what to do. If what this guy says is true...Oh. Em. Gee. What an awful hand in life he was dealt! On the other hand, I don't think that it is appropriate for him to divulge such intimate details of his life in the workplace.

Here is my dilemma:

1. Should I talk to him directly about this, stating that I am empathetic to his multiple plights, but that he should focus on pt care while he is at work; (this seems very cold to me) or

2. Should I let our NM know what is going on? (I don't want to get him in trouble and consequently add MORE to his plate.) I am not his direct supervisor, although I am the charge nurse and a few employees have already asked that they not be assigned to him during his orientation.

Thanks for your thoughts. I really don't know what action I should take, but know that I must do SOMETHING. The staff don't know what to do either...this is a very awkward situation.

Some people who have had a lot of trauma and abuse in their lives as children never learn what a healthy boundry is. Some tell all on the first meeting and some only share superficial information. Some abuse survivors come across as very self absorbed. They may live from crisis to crisis and thrive on the drama.

When he's on break or at lunch, he can talk to and about anything he wants. The person he is talking to can respond by setting a healthy boundry of their own. If he graduates to discussing his issues loudly on the unit or with patients or families...ok that's a problem.

I think if he is safe and not doing anything that will harm patients or staff leave him alone. Does he talk about these things to patients or just in social situations with work collegues. Okay, so what if he does not have a filter I have met many people that keep nothing private. It doesn't warrant going to managers, talking about him to other collegues, or even confronting him personally. If you don't want to share, don't. If it makes you uncomfortable (why I have no idea? As nurses we listen to pts talk about personal things all the time) then be polite but distance yourself. Who knows maybe he has a developmental disability like Aspergers and he has no filter, or a social anxiety disorder. They often get uncomfortable, talk about things that many keep personal and can't read social cues like facial experssions.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
But they are SPECIAL!! Even when they aren't allergic (i.e. experience a true histamine mediated response) to it, "regular" medicine doesn't work on them. They need special medicine. Usually the newest, most expensive drug on the market. Because they are special people, with special illnesses. You, being average and unspecial*, just wouldn't understand. :mad:

*AKA normal

;)

When I worked in day surg., I had a lady who listed so many allergies (cough, cough) to medications that I had to use three allergy bands for her. And that was even using very small print on the bands. Yes, indeed, I do believe she had "issues."

Hey! I am special!

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I don't understand people who think they need to interfere in this guy's life, report him, or some such thing. He's either lying, delusional, or telling the truth. Who cares? In any of those instances, why on earth would you want any part of it? Go back to work, mind your own business, ignore the guy. DO NOT get sucked in to the drama in any way. Let him get his own counseling. He is, presumably, an adult. It has nothing to do with you. For god's sake, keep it that way!! STAY OUT OF IT.

This is why people end up on Springer, people. You don't know when to ignore the crazy and back away. :uhoh3:

As a friend of mine has said, "Don't stick your hand in the crazy."

Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.
Oh , yes it IS up to me to believe it or not! If this person is soooo far out there, that his behavior is questionable,I am concerned about his ability to care for people.

Exactly how long does it take you to climb up to your throne where you sit as judge, jury and executioner? The OP has made it clear that he is an excellent clinician, has no patient complaints and only talked about this while on break. The only thing he has done is violated some social more on what should or should not be part of polite conversation yet you have decided that his behavior is wrong therefore he probably gives poor patient care and should be fired immediately. How about just telling him "Dude, that kind of talk is creeping me and everyone else out. Please don't bring it up anymore". Then see what happens from there. If he continues then it's a problem for management. I stopped tattling on people when I was in elementary school...it made me feel icky.

--wants narc keys back one day (I logged in d/c'd drugs as part of w/e sup)- ok. He's the DON....no problem.

--a few weeks go by- floor nurses c/o overflowing d/c'd meds; I go to ask about starting to log in meds again...

-- he closes his office door, has me sit down, and pulls a gun out of his desk - sets it down 'pointed' at me....

were police notified?

leslie

Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I think if he is safe and not doing anything that will harm patients or staff leave him alone. Does he talk about these things to patients or just in social situations with work collegues. Okay, so what if he does not have a filter I have met many people that keep nothing private. It doesn't warrant going to managers, talking about him to other collegues, or even confronting him personally. If you don't want to share, don't. If it makes you uncomfortable (why I have no idea? As nurses we listen to pts talk about personal things all the time) then be polite but distance yourself. Who knows maybe he has a developmental disability like Aspergers and he has no filter, or a social anxiety disorder. They often get uncomfortable, talk about things that many keep personal and can't read social cues like facial experssions.

Irish, I know that this hit a personal nerve with you. Please know that I am not trying to be 'meddling'. As I wrote on a previous post,

"My worry is that this dude will cause distractions for other nurses and thus lead to mistakes. For example, on his first day, he just observed. He sat down with his preceptor and instead of paying attention to the surgery, he had diarrhea of the mouth and launched in to a spiel about his hardships. All his preceptor asked was, "So where are you from?" The surgeon in the room even paused when this guy said that his wife recently passed and that he was dealing with raising 4 kids on his own, and that he didn't know what to do, but his new girlfriend would make an excellent mother. As a result, the nurse in the room didn't hear a request made by the surgeon."

If anything in my posts came across as judgmental, I apologize. Sometimes I tend to do that, and it is a trait that I don't like about myself. I try very hard NOT to be judgmental. However, this new employee is causing distractions that are affecting the flow of surgery.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head in suggesting that he might suffer from anxiety disorder. I considered this myself, which is why I asked you all for the best way to approach the employee. I have had many great responses, and along with some advice from nursing peers outside of work, I think that a very low-key chat with him may be in order.

I appreciate your taking the time to show me yet another perspective. It always helps!

Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.
Thanks for the sound advice, M and XT. I never considered what stage he was in regarding the healing process.

He clearly has no boundaries. He is an EXCELLENT employee clinically and is very capable in many regards. My only hesitation in recommending him for permanent status is that he is alienating himself, and that will not bode well for him, especially since he is still in orientation. I would hate for him to lose this job because he can't put a lid on his personal life, but I have seen it happen. Thankfully, our managers weigh the feedback from other employees when considering an orientee for permanent status. He is unknowingly digging himself into a hole.

I like to think that I am more open-minded than your average Joe, because I also graduated from the School of Hard Knocks. I can relate to those who have been through a traumatic experience or two. Before I became a nurse, I sought counseling for the issues that I knew I needed to overcome (such as my mother's passing and my father's consequential 'peacing out' from the rest of the family), and am a staunch advocate for counseling. However, I do NOT discuss my past hardships in the workplace. Hell, I don't discuss them with my closest friends. Counseling taught me how to close the chapter on those trying times.

After reading these posts, I think that my best course of action would be to let my NM know what is going on and to tell her that I am willing to address this with him privately. This plan still makes me uncomfortable because I really don't want this guy to become a target. However, eventually this dilemma will certainly come to light because many staff members have verbalized their discomfort with him.

I believe that it will be 'less scary' coming from me than having this new employee sitting across from the NM having to explain why the other employees feel so uncomfortable with his sharing.

Thanks for the suggestions, y'all. It helps.

That sounds good IMO but why bring the NM into it?

This guy may just need some help right now. If he loses his job that will be a big stressor for him - especially if he is relying on the health insurance for the children.

Why not ask him to utilise EAP, the church group and also take him out for lunch and have a private chat. Hopefully you can help him find the help he needs and give him an opportunity to place some boundaries before it is too late.

were police notified?

leslie

Don't know what the admin did. I was terrified, and when it happened, I was "alone" (the ADON and I got along - but no great relationship, so didn't say anything until the next a.m. --happened later in the day- and he left- so not a risk to anybody).

If what I heard (nothing) was any indication, he may still be out there scaring people and stealing drugs.

Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.

If he's maintaining boundaries with patients - this isn't nearly as a big deal as posters are portraying.

Seems to be a kindness outage in some of this thread.

Not wanting to know anything about your coworkers are interact beyond a basic level of pleasantness seems to be the norm these days.

Why can't many nurses display the same empathy toward their coworkers as their p'ts?

I work with nurses who really couldn't give a d*mn that their coworker miscarried at 20 weeks or just lost a parent. Impersonal seems to be the name of the game these days

if he's maintaining boundaries with patients - this isn't nearly as a big deal as posters are portraying.

seems to be a kindness outage in some of this thread.

not wanting to know anything about your coworkers are interact beyond a basic level of pleasantness seems to be the norm these days.

why can't many nurses display the same empathy toward their coworkers as their p'ts?

i work with nurses who really couldn't give a d*mn that their coworker miscarried at 20 weeks or just lost a parent. impersonal seems to be the name of the game these days

:lol2: like all nurses show 'empathy' towards their patients - that's a good one :D :yeah:

i knew some nurses who showed more empathy towards their manicures than their patients. as has been made very clear to me, nurses are not caring simply because of being nurses.... jackwagons are in all professions....unfortunately- just the way things work; the relative number of jerks is consistent with the overall percentage of jerks in nursing....

i was not friends with about 98% of the people i ever worked with. we were paid to be at the same place at the same time for the same reason. end of story. i wished them all well. the superficial pleasantries were just fine- though some of that was annoying (don't care about the new coach bag or ditzy shoes for the bar on saturday, or which boyfriend left the seat up).

"friendly co-workers" are just that- relatively common, and greatly appreciated and remembered fondly. not hearing every detail of someone's life, or wanting to know which family member screwed them is not unkind- it's keeping work professional. we got along well, helped each other, respected each other- but weren't joined at the hip for emotional well-being.

for the few co-workers who did become friends, we discussed things away from work. and i'd do anything i could to help them out if something were going on in their life. but that's because of being friends away from work, and because we had common interests besides getting off the shift on time. and even those relationships had boundaries. very few ever knew what went on in my life completely. just not anybody's business.

Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.
:lol2: like all nurses show 'empathy' towards their patients - that's a good one :D :yeah:

i knew some nurses who showed more empathy towards their manicures than their patients. as has been made very clear to me, nurses are not caring simply because of being nurses.... jackwagons are in all professions....unfortunately- just the way things work; the relative number of jerks is consistent with the overall percentage of jerks in nursing....

i was not friends with about 98% of the people i ever worked with. we were paid to be at the same place at the same time for the same reason. end of story. i wished them all well. the superficial pleasantries were just fine- though some of that was annoying (don't care about the new coach bag or ditzy shoes for the bar on saturday, or which boyfriend left the seat up).

"friendly co-workers" are just that- relatively common, and greatly appreciated and remembered fondly. not hearing every detail of someone's life, or wanting to know which family member screwed them is not unkind- it's keeping work professional. we got along well, helped each other, respected each other- but weren't joined at the hip for emotional well-being.

for the few co-workers who did become friends, we discussed things away from work. and i'd do anything i could to help them out if something were going on in their life. but that's because of being friends away from work, and because we had common interests besides getting off the shift on time. and even those relationships had boundaries. very few ever knew what went on in my life completely. just not anybody's business.

i don't think we have to become friends at work ..... some mustering up of genuine empathy would be in order when coworkers are suffering. we can do that without being joined at the hip :)

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