An odd staff member

Nurses General Nursing

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I had to really think about whether or not to pose this question here on allnurses. But after some thought, I would like to get some feedback on how to deal with this awkward situation. I am at a loss.

We recently hired a new employee. He seemed a bit odd at first, but I just chalked it up to my perception being off. A few days later, I was having lunch in the break room and hear him telling a co-worker EVERYTHING about his life. He left nothing out. We were all sitting at the same table, and he did not speak in a quiet tone. He was describing how he was sexually abused all his life by his father, that his wife died a year ago, leaving him with 4 kids to raise on his own-two of them with special needs; how his financial struggles are never-ending. He says that he is anxious because his mother had a heart attack last week and he had to leave work early (and did our co-worker think that management would look unfavorably upon him because he had to leave early?). Then he announced that his new girlfriend just died from a seizure. Our co-worker patiently listened and invited him to join her church to see if he would find a support group there that he liked. The rest of us ate our lunch quickly and left the break room.

Last week, more than a few co-workers approached me and told me that this new employee was making them uncomfortable, because he was elaborating on his life's challenges.

I don't know what to do. If what this guy says is true...Oh. Em. Gee. What an awful hand in life he was dealt! On the other hand, I don't think that it is appropriate for him to divulge such intimate details of his life in the workplace.

Here is my dilemma:

1. Should I talk to him directly about this, stating that I am empathetic to his multiple plights, but that he should focus on pt care while he is at work; (this seems very cold to me) or

2. Should I let our NM know what is going on? (I don't want to get him in trouble and consequently add MORE to his plate.) I am not his direct supervisor, although I am the charge nurse and a few employees have already asked that they not be assigned to him during his orientation.

Thanks for your thoughts. I really don't know what action I should take, but know that I must do SOMETHING. The staff don't know what to do either...this is a very awkward situation.

Ever had a co-worker that only talked about how good of an employee they were? geesh, that's annoying, let me tell you.

Ever had a co-worker that only talked about how good of an employee they were? geesh, that's annoying, let me tell you.

Yep.....true excellence doesn't need to advertise... ;)

Sounds like he's just looking for somebody, ANYBODY, to listen. Maybe he doesn't have any friends and he's just kept all of this stuff bottled up inside because he had nobody to talk about it with.

Honestly, I think he should get some counseling or see a shrink. He'll be able to get everything out in the open without making others uncomfortable.

Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.

I think going first to the NM might be a mistake. I'd be horrified if I was doing something annoying and nobody approached me first to give me a chance to make amends and change my behavior. This might mark him negatively in your managers eyes and could start a downward spiral. If you give him a chance to improve and he doesn't then go to your manager. After all he's not really doing anything wrong just socially unacceptable.

Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I think going first to the NM might be a mistake. I'd be horrified if I was doing something annoying and nobody approached me first to give me a chance to make amends and change my behavior. This might mark him negatively in your managers eyes and could start a downward spiral. If you give him a chance to improve and he doesn't then go to your manager. After all he's not really doing anything wrong just socially unacceptable.

This is precisely what I was leaning toward. You pinpointed what I was thinking. Thanks, Scot.

Poor guy sounds really lonely to me.

*shrugs*

I don't beleive his life"stories" are real. Sounds like a fabrication to elicit attention/sympathy.

He does not sound stable enough to be providing health care.

I would go to my immediate manager, share my observations, and put it on their plate.

Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.

It's not for you to believe or disbelieve. If this kind of conversation makes you uncomfortable you tell the person so and put it on their plate to change their behavior. Just because a person is weird doesn't mean they are clinically incompetent. Unless you directly observe them actually and repeatedly screwing up clinically running to the manager is tantamount to being a tattle tale.

A former neighbor had the following happen over the course of 2 1/2 years... (who knows what went on prior to then)

--had to stop working d/t a CVA - not her choice and a big loss for her (still able to live alone, but along with Addisons and significant RA, it was more than she could handle to continue working)

--daughter had 2 late 2nd trimester stillbirths- induced after US showed no heartbeats (one each year)

--Addisons unstable with RA steroids adjusted

--daughter finds problem that lead to fetal demises, and gets pregnant; difficult pregnancy (but delivered safely w/many interventions)

--moves to different state to be near daughter

--2nd knee replacement

--TIAs

--infection of 2nd knee replacement and removal of hardware/placement of spacer

--torn Achilles' tendon s/p Levaquin (just walking around apt- heel "ripped")

--new knee hardware

--falls and has knee tendon damage

--cadaver tendon transplant

--more rehab @REALLY cruddy LTC (from her daily calls to find out if she should say something - she wasn't a meek woman- but she was afraid of the staff)

--came home in long leg cast NWB

--dropped dead (found by SIL one morning when she didn't answer from downstairs "apartment")

She wasn't nuts. It was real (I went to the ED to get her car keys to get her car, still at the MD office w/the CVA). Met the daughter. Saw the infection. Talked to her daily after surgeries and in LTC rehabs, and most nights after she got home. Talked to her the night before she died.....no "attention seeking", not some personality disorder....

A former co-worker....(in central TX)-- many years ago...

--lots of personal info AND fairly well liked initially

--claims 2 young children near Dallas- one chronically vegetative in pediatrics unit

--says she's driving to Dallas from central TX (12-hr round trip) more than once/week to see kids (working 40-hr (8 hr shifts) weeks) :confused:

--then says she's pregnant again- having a hard time (lots of noisy bathroom visits....bathroom just off report room)

--has to go to ED one night for horrible abdominal cramping...so I call down and tell them she's coming- and (knowing who I was talking to) ask for a HCG test (not results)-- was assured this was protocol anyway.

--supervisor comes up and pulls me aside...guess who isn't pregnant? (WAY prior to HIPAA- and I'd called w/my suspicions):mad:

--guess who is never heard from again, but sends a creepy "thank you" note for being "concerned" (I didn't give her grief over the ED visit when she's claiming being PG and having abd pain......CYA was a huge motivating factor in that - duh):cool:

Former co-worker (different location in TX)...many years ago

--liked by co-workers; quiet but got along with everyone

--became a friend

--history of long term child abuse at a children's home (mother not capable of taking care of her and her sisters- story I got :confused:)

--long history of emotional issues (made sense w/given hx)

--admitted for eating disorders

--admitted for depression

--diagnosed with significantly "complex PTSD" (for non-psych folks- that's a legit category of PTSD)

--calls me one day -wants to come over...OK...(just started taking care of a current co-workers adopted newborn- 9 days old when she called)...asked me if I'd tell her kids she loved them- she was going to commit suicide. (I'd had enough of the ups and downs with this woman who was not participating in her own treatment)...I said "sure" and walked her to the car- getting her license plate # and called the police....and her shrink. Seems I was the 3rd or 4th call that day (OK- now I'm really mad that I'm dragged into the drama- partly at her and partly at myself for not ending my involvement with her drama a long time before). End of relationship...too much borderline stuff to keep up with; got answering machine (this was before caller id for those who don't remember life without CI).

--shows up at another place I worked, as a staff nurse. She lasts a week, then no-call/no-shows. I'm asked what I know about her. All I say is that she had good handwriting when pressed for reference info. :lol2: If she'd stayed, I more than likely would have spilled the beans d/t safety issues....she took care of that with her pathology.

Former DON --

--quiet, no personal info at all; restless but superficially pleasant

--wants narc keys back one day (I logged in d/c'd drugs as part of w/e sup)- ok. He's the DON....no problem.

--a few weeks go by- floor nurses c/o overflowing d/c'd meds; I go to ask about starting to log in meds again...

-- he closes his office door, has me sit down, and pulls a gun out of his desk- sets it down 'pointed' at me....asks if I have any questions about logging meds..... (Nope- no questions :eek:; also had new administrator who doesn't know me...HER dir of nurses has just gone off the deep end....and I'm the only one who knows- great...)

-- finally tell ADON next day. We both go to the admin.

--floor nurses telling me that residents' morphine is being d/c'd willy nilly but whole cards are gone

--ADON and I tell admin

--DON turns in resignation- and told he doesn't need to stay 2 weeks.

I'm just one person, and can remember these folks clearly....I'm sure the 1/2 million registered users here could come up with thousands of legit and crazy folks who had a LOT going on- whether manufactured, or sadly true. Or both. But until I had evidence of "fake" I wasn't going to assume they were.

IMO- yes, the guy needs help, even if "just" someone to talk to...maybe more, but don't know that.

But to call him 'attention seeking' with no more information than lousy boundaries and a lot of stressful situations listed, it's not really fair. I know of other people with crappy childhood situations who had pitiful boundaries at times- and they were just trying to get by. Maybe the guy is in therapy, and that's got his brain and mouth running?? Maybe he's loony as all get out. Maybe he does need to be gone from the floor for safety issues....and maybe someone besides a bunch of people who have never met him needs to determine all of that.

If the "creepy scary" feeling is strong enough (and only the OP knows in this situation), then err on the side of the patients and say something to either HR (re: EAP) or the NM....if it's a funky discomfort because folks aren't used to someone spilling their guts like that, talk to him...

jmo. :chair:

:o

Specializes in FNP.
Kind of like how I feel about allergies. I have watched this for a long time, and have come to the conclusion that if someone has more than three drug allergies, they usually have some underlying mental health issues. I mentioned this to an anesthesiologist once, and he concurred.

But they are SPECIAL!! Even when they aren't allergic (i.e. experience a true histamine mediated response) to it, "regular" medicine doesn't work on them. They need special medicine. Usually the newest, most expensive drug on the market. Because they are special people, with special illnesses. You, being average and unspecial*, just wouldn't understand. :mad:

*AKA normal

;)

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

1. Professionalism: Talk to the nurse manager about the situation; is she a sympathetic person? With her input, talk to the employee.

2. Compassion: Tell him that you and others feel bad for him that he is having so many problems, but the workplace is not the best place to air them. Reiterate some options: the church, EAP, etc. Express sympathy and encouragement but remind him he is at work to care about the patients and must put his own problems aside.

Yes, there is a possibility he is embellishing to gain sympathy. That's why you limit the sympathy, steer him toward more appropriate outlets and expect professionalism in the workplace.

Either his manager needs to be told about this and gets him some counseling or a co-worker encourages him to seek professional help.

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