Am sadly just putting this out there - Overwhelming Covid-19 Death Statistics

Kitiger, RN · Apr 22, 2020

8 hours ago, Nurse SMS said:
My Mom is trying, but my brother (in his 40s) just got engaged. Mom is super in love with her new eventual DIL and is bending over backward to foster a close relationship with her. She thought my brother would never get married, so she wants to be with her new DIL as much as possible. New DIL is super bouncy, energetic, social...she's a wonderful lady, very intelligent and extremely lonely since the lock down. All those poor extroverts out there are truly suffering. But I don't know her and I just wanted to have time alone with my mom. Then I feel peevish and selfish.
Its hard when we can't make them understand. I think some of the reaction of "is everyone mad at us? Doesn't anyone love us anymore?" is somewhat natural, somewhat part of a culture that tends to use passive aggressive parental guilt to get what they want/need from offspring and family. It isn't unlike trying to make children understand, knowing you can't, having to do what is right and living with the pain of hurting them.

Does your Mom remember stories about people being quarantined for infectious diseases when she was young? My Mom's house was quarantined for Scarlet Fever (her brother had it).

If you could get her talking about how it was back when, maybe you could get her into "teaching mode" about how quarantines work.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Apr 23, 2020

10 hours ago, HeartlandRN said:
Good Lord, if she's still socializing with groups of friends and church members and knocking on neighbors doors , I might worry more about her infecting YOU.
Maybe a little lapdog would help her be less lonely?

She's terrified of dogs! We've tried that in the past. My FIL loves them and would be over the moon, but she won't hear of it

She's attempting to socialize, no one will open doors to her. She's 91, still drives but doesn't understand what's going on with the CV-19. I'd love to have her license taken because she's scary on the road-multiple accident, but none of the Drs around here will do it. Thus, she keeps going around to various family and friends. Thankfully, none of us answer the door

guest1146168 · Apr 23, 2020

53 minutes ago, Hoosier_RN said:
She's terrified of dogs! We've tried that in the past. My FIL loves them and would be over the moon, but she won't hear of it
She's attempting to socialize, no one will open doors to her. She's 91, still drives but doesn't understand what's going on with the CV-19. I'd love to have her license taken because she's scary on the road-multiple accident, but none of the Drs around here will do it. Thus, she keeps going around to various family and friends. Thankfully, none of us answer the door

Oh, dear. I'm sure it's very difficult for her to have her social avenues just suddenly cut. Would she even consider letting your guys set her up with a computer and zoom/skype for virtual visits? I'm looking in after an 87yo neighbor and church friend myself. I can't get her to use Skype but what I have done is set her up on a daily routine of a couple hours of good old fashioned phone calls with us and others from the church, her son and DIL, and various friends. That, and several hours watching the Hallmark Channel. (hey, whatever works to keep her safe and happy)

amoLucia · Apr 23, 2020

See, MORE incidents of life being turned upside-down --- so altered by C19.

To all reading - again I say, I never thought this thread would evoke such a smattering of deeply felt emotions. I think of Kubler-Ross and I believe I'm seeing the denial and more, anger phases, among many.

13 hours ago, Nurse SMS said:
I am enjoying this thread more than any thread I have read in quite a while, so thank you, all of you, for your transparency with your struggles.

What started out just as a sad observation served to open up a boatload of feelings from myself and so many others. It really helps to know that no one is immune from all this. We're all feeling the same things. And such catharsis!.

I'm feeling guilty about feeling guilty. I'm retired so I don't face the frontline risks that do so many HCW peers. And I am relieved. Both my sisters, my only family, don't face those 'workplace' risks either, for that relief I feel guilty.

But they are soooo severely restricting their nec social outings. Several of y'all have posted the similar restriction losses. Missed vacations, missed family togetherness, restricted outdoor lives. WE understand the risks & preventions and the whys. And we have optimistic hope. But there are many who just DON'T understand. And for that I've mixed feelings. Sorrow/sadness and ANGER.

I'm feeling angry about feeling angry. Some anger is well deserved like for those who DELIBERATELY disregard safety precautions. Like big whoopee-do about gloves! Everybody seems to be wearing vinyl/nitrile hands. Uh, how much cleaner are those gloved hands when worn for innumerable touchings?!? Reminds me of back when gloves became commonplace in the early days of AIDS/HIV. CNAs began wearing gloves ALL. THE. TIME. They rarely changed gloves - was that any different than foregoing freq handwashing? And don't even get me started about the improper wearing of face masks, THAT JEOPARDIZES ME! How DARE you RISK my health, safety, welfare, my lifestyle!! ? I am VERY suspect of the false sense of glove security/safety. For that I am angry.

Whether it's because of stupidity or some misplaced sense of 'not me' mentality or some death-defying chutzpah, I don't know. But for those, I feel a sense of sorrow. They threaten all the rest of us. I am just so surprised how I've come to regard the use of gloves & masks. ? Surprised, saddened and angry.

I think I must be feeling like our parents & grandparents must have felt during wartime/Depression era. Waste not, want not! It was a good-natured New Years resolution that I start to clean out my pantry. And I WAS making some effort progress. But NOW, I'm somewhat FORCED into being cautious, conservative and frugal about my usual lifestyle activities. I am focused on clearing out my pantry & freezer and using up items.

I don't know about you all, but I don't have ANY luxury backup support plan for replenishing staples or other nec items. And given the precarious circumstances re FUTURE avail service providers and product availability (hoarding, anyone?) does anyone else really feel secure? I'm a BARELY a phone-call away from melt-down if I suffer an emergency, personal-wise or health-wise. Everything is on hold.

I don't know that what I really always feel is ANGER anger. I know Kubler-Ross' continuum is fluid, but dang! I can't figure out all the fine emotional nuances. I know I'm past denial phase. I feel privileged to having been an RN. Because of all our professional education and experience, you and I pretty much have a very good grasp of the statistical, epidemiological, immunological, etc information out there. But it still doesn't help us synthesize the feelings, even though we better understand the data.

I'm angry I can't really support local businesses like I know some of you do. I want a take-out pizza DESPARATELY. But does a 450 degree brick oven kill viruses, even though Dominoes advertises 'no-touch' after baking? How can QVC TV present a multi-hour 'Gourmet Food' show with a chunk of beef costing $70 for 2.5 to 3 lbs? Or a jar of jam for $15. How, when there's food lines of soooo many unemployed unable to feed themselves and kids?

And one thing has me really ashamed (?) to say. I don't negate or minimize all the accolades or any of the giftings given to HOSPITAL staff, police, fire and EMTs, but hey, what about NHs as FRONTLINE providers, too??? It'd be nice to see the parades drive by the some NHs. Or some corporation donate big quantities of PPE stuff. Or local pizzerias giving away hoagies. Would my NH ID badge count for a free coffee at WAWA? I don't begrudge the others as recipients - I don't want them to receive any LESS, but hey, how giving NHs staff some too. That saddens me.

Sorry, that this has been such a ramble for me. That was what I was starting when I opened the thread. I feel like one of those auto dash-board bobble who head dolls, nodding in agreement with all of you have responded. And those of you who may want to join in.

Stay safe.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Apr 23, 2020

10 hours ago, HeartlandRN said:
Oh, dear. I'm sure it's very difficult for her to have her social avenues just suddenly cut. Would she even consider letting your guys set her up with a computer and zoom/skype for virtual visits? I'm looking in after an 87yo neighbor and church friend myself. I can't get her to use Skype but what I have done is set her up on a daily routine of a couple hours of good old fashioned phone calls with us and others from the church, her son and DIL, and various friends. That, and several hours watching the Hallmark Channel. (hey, whatever works to keep her safe and happy)

my SIL got them a tablet. It was a no go, they were unwilling/unable to give it a whirl unless someone came over to sit with them while they talked to someone on the iPad ?‍♀️. Both in laws are visually impaired (thus my concern with her driving, FIL stopped driving a few years ago) and they are both hearing impaired as well-phone calls become a shout and repeat fest. We're all trying, and after talking with others at work and on social media, I know this is common, and its horrible

allnurses Guide · Apr 23, 2020

I agree that we are progressing through the frustrated/angry phase. Our generation hasn't really ever had to give up anything on a scale like this. Even the restrictions that came from 9/11 were short-lived except for the changes around airport travel and occasionally other events (ie: bag searches).

I heard a quote once that said "Anger is fear's body guard" and when I really self evaluate, I find that to be truth for me. I start getting squabbly with strangers on the internet who want society to reopen ASAP and I get deep down furious, but then when I go outside and see the families or individuals, when I imagine my neighbors whose cars have not moved in days and I know they are not working and are probably beyond stressed financially, I feel a helplessness and a sorrow that goes bone deep. I am scared. Scared of losing family members. Scared of getting sick myself. Scared of what we may still see, both in terms of this virus and in terms of the kind of poverty our generation of middle class have largely never had to look directly at.

I do believe the "me me me" that we have seen is going to simmer down. People will connect and help one another. I am already seeing that and already participating. Personally I am starting to take better care of myself than I have in years. I am seeing how much better I sleep if I don't drink too much and if I get out and walk the dog at the end of the day instead of sitting on social media or reading the news.

This thread makes me wish we could all have coffee. Maybe we need to have an allnurses Zoom meeting. ?

guest1146168 · Apr 23, 2020

3 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:
my SIL got them a tablet. It was a no go, they were unwilling/unable to give it a whirl unless someone came over to sit with them while they talked to someone on the iPad ?‍♀️. Both in laws are visually impaired (thus my concern with her driving, FIL stopped driving a few years ago) and they are both hearing impaired as well-phone calls become a shout and repeat fest. We're all trying, and after talking with others at work and on social media, I know this is common, and its horrible

I get it as we too went through much of this with my husband's mom. I wish I had better suggestions and there were more I could do to help. No easy road. Godspeed.

Editorial Team / Admin · Apr 23, 2020

Bright sunshine today.

ANNDDDD, it's bright in my house, too.

The electricity is back on after almost 2 weeks. Just got home after a very long and stressful day and lights were on everywhere.

I'm smiling! Doing a happy dance.

Hope you ALL are safe and sound.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Apr 23, 2020

31 minutes ago, sirI said:
Bright sunshine today.
ANNDDDD, it's bright in my house, too.
The electricity is back on after almost 2 weeks. Just got home after a very long and stressful day and lights were on everywhere.
I'm smiling! Doing a happy dance.
Hope you ALL are safe and sound.

Its raining ? in Indiana, but sometimes we need it to wash the negativity away. Better days ahead, on all fronts!

allnurses Guide · Apr 23, 2020

sirI: I'm so glad your electricity is on.

toomuchbaloney · Apr 23, 2020

A nearby creek, which has been disrupted a couple of times by gold mining, had decided that this Spring it will flow past it's ice right in front of my cabin. Under the porch even.

At least I have electricity.

Kitiger, RN · Apr 23, 2020

10 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:
my SIL got them a tablet. It was a no go, they were unwilling/unable to give it a whirl unless someone came over to sit with them while they talked to someone on the iPad ?‍♀️. Both in laws are visually impaired (thus my concern with her driving, FIL stopped driving a few years ago) and they are both hearing impaired as well-phone calls become a shout and repeat fest. We're all trying, and after talking with others at work and on social media, I know this is common, and its horrible

Some hearing aides will direct phone calls through the hearing aides, using blue tooth. If I use my cell phone, I hear the other person through my hearing aides.

Can you set this up for your in-laws?