Alternative to spanking

[HeartsOpenWide]

I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.

I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.

Suggestions would be appreciated.

[RNDreamer]

I got hit (not spanked, but hit) as a child. All it did was teach me how to turn around and hit my younger sisters when they did something to make me angry.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I have 2 children and have never spanked either one. I remember my parents used a spanking stick on me growing up. I remember it so well, that I would never spank my children. I have given quite a few time outs and only had 1 spectacle in a store with my youngest. She was 2 and having a fit on the floor (complete with rolling and bawling like a baby). I just looked at her and told her that behaviour was unacceptable and I would be down the same isle until she was done. She lasted about 5 minutes (seemed like an hour to me) and then she was done. People were walking by looking and I just kept on. She calmed down and I have never seen behavior like that again. She didn't win.

I have given my kids time outs right in the middle of any store and now that they're older (8 & 12) they get to do push ups

Going up north 2 yrs back, they both were arguing half the way up (its a 4hr ride). We were with my mother and I had her pull right over into the gravel at the side of the road. I proceeded to have them get out and give me 15 push ups. Truckers and cars were going by honking! They haven't acted up like that again. I do sometimes have to ask them if I need to pull over so they can give me 15. Works like a charm. I'm not sure if it was the push ups or the honkers that did it. I think it was the honkers.:chuckle

[snowdog85]

We have had a heck of a time raising a defiant child. She has the will of a lion. We tried everything, including spanking on occasion, but the only thing that every turned her around was the loss of an object or activity that she enjoyed. If I tell her now "this is your last chance. After this you will lose TV for a week," she turns it off pretty darn fast. At first it was tough, at times escalating the behaviors, but now she knows we mean business and will stick to our guns. Be consistent...

[tolerantgirl]

My sister's teenage son along with his friend stole something from a convenience store (not sure what) They did not get caught but my sister made her son take it back and then on a weekend instead of having fun, she made him stand on the street corner next to the store with a sign on a big piece of cardboard saying "I am a thief. I stole from this store." "I am dishonest and can not be trusted." This was effective. It embarassed him terribly which teenagers hate and guess what, he does no steal anymore and he dropped his friend because he did not change-mom did not make him stand on corner with sign. My sister took pictures of him doing this too for a gentle reminder. Very creative I think!!! You don't need to hit Making them think about their actions is very effective. If you hit them and don't take the time to help them learn why it is wrong, they will never learn and then they just become very skilled in doing things behind your back. For the mom whose daughter calls her horrible names in public, slapping isnt effective. You need to talk to her to figure out what the problem is, maybe some anger management for her and you.

[LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN]

I have to agree that taking things away works well. With my youngest son, he had a major meltdown, he wouldn't stop. So we packed up all the toys from his room and put them in the garage for a week. So the metioning of if you don't stop then this will be the result. It only works if you are willing to follow through.

[rph3664]

Spare the Rod, Spoil the child.

The behavior I see in a lot of kids in public and the way the talk to their parents, the way they behave, or misbehave. Personally I feel a little more corporal punishment is in order.

I must lead a really sheltered life, because I rarely see kids acting horribly in public. When they do, usually the parents act worse than the kids.

[kythe, LPN]

I made a decision before I even moved out of my parents' house that I would not raise my children the way I was raised. However, finding gentle and respectful discipline methods isn't an easy task, especially for those of us who didn't have that model of family life growing up. If you have a strong-willed child or one with psychiatric issues, it can really compound this problem.

I have found that my kids are great subjects for practicing therapeutic communication. Especially when they are young, it helps increase their verbal skills and understanding of themselves and their own emotions and actions. If I want my kids to "use your words", I need to model what words to use and how to communicate without lashing out physically.

Unfortunately, internet discussions on discipline aren't usually complete enough to offer thorough enough ideas or solutions to many real-life problems families face regarding children's behavior. There are entire books written on the subject of discipline. Some I have found most helpful include:

Parenting with Love and Logic - Foster Cline and Jim Fay

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlisch

Positive Discipline - Jane Nelsen

Raising Your Spirited Child - Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

The Explosive Child - Ross W. Greene (Maybe not for everyone, but I have a special-needs child who fits this description)

[Baloney Amputation, BSN, LPN, RN]

I swear by 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan. There is certainly nothing wrong with not spanking a child! I'm not saying that spanking is ALWAYS wrong, but I definitely disagree with the idea that a child must be spanked at some point in life or he or she will be coddled and thus turn out to be a monster. A lot of problems can be circumvented by a little preparation, like not taking a child to Wal-Mart for a shopping spree during nap time or taking a kid to the grocery store when supper time is an hour away after the kid ate no snack and a poor lunch. A parent must pick his or her battles as well. I cheated, though, and married a guy who had already raised two very fine sons to adulthood already. His mantra? "Spanking usually doesn't work anyway." Our kids aren't perfect, but they are most certainly well behaved, if those teachers they spend hours a day with when I'm not around them are any indication. I also have no issues with leaving a store/library/event if they are acting up. I really don't care how it looks to other people; they aren't responsible for raising my children to be decent people.

[L3Janit0r37]

I'd rather take a spanking any day. About what 4 minutes of pain then back to play. Compared to a week of grounding. Plus you know the louder you scream the softer they hit ya...

Avid recipient of the belt. But there was no spanking I did not deserve.

[tolerantgirl]

My dad loved James Dobson and his views on discipline. Well in my opinion James Dobson is a freak-I was unmercifully beat as a kid thanks to his views. My dad always had a way of tying everything into religion. I think he thought he was God.

[kythe, LPN]

I'd rather take a spanking any day. About what 4 minutes of pain then back to play. Compared to a week of grounding. Plus you know the louder you scream the softer they hit ya...

Avid recipient of the belt. But there was no spanking I did not deserve.

Why do you believe you deserved this? People don't even treat their animals that way...

People are capable of learning in ways other than through physical force and pain. Personally, I've learned more about appropriate behavior in life from school and other role models than I did from being the object of my parent's temper tantrums.

[Atheos]

Why do you believe you deserved this? People don't even treat their animals that way...

People are capable of learning in ways other than through physical force and pain. Personally, I've learned more about appropriate behavior in life from school and other role models than I did from being the object of my parent's temper tantrums.

I deserved EVERY spanking I received. ROFL In fact, I would do something, get spanked and immediately do it again.

Some kids DO DESERVE spanking. To think otherwise is very misconceived. Not ALL children are on the path to happy go lucky, productive lives.

Some of us were on the way to prison or worse. My parent's discipline DID exactly what my father intended it to do.

Timeout doesn't work for 13 year olds that are practically career criminals or worse... Lol. That suburban, happy, timeout junk would have been a laugh riot in my house.

The upside was that after awhile you start to FEAR the spankings. As you SHOULD. Punishments should be SCARY. Prison is scary and the quicker you learn it the better off some people would be.

There is a reason countries with severely strict corporal forms of punishment have less crime.