I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.
I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.
I rarely, rarely, rarely spank my children. BUT! When they break the big rule (LYING!) Oh, yeah, they get spanked.
However, my children are hugged, kissed and cuddled every day. From the time they get up in the morning when they come snuggle in bed between snoozes to the bedtime reading story. My children know they are loved. There is a huge difference between spanking for disipline and abuse. We all know that. A swat on my daughters butt when she looks me in the eye and lies for the third time that she didn't draw on the front door is a heck of a lot different than holding her down and hitting her bare butt with a belt. OMG. I could never live with myself.
I was spanked as a child. Granted, probably less than 10 times in my life, but it worked.
I don't think spanking should be done hard enough that it actually HURTS. It's on a very padded part of the body. It should be a swat that gets their attention, NOT causes pain. While every family is different and I understand that some choose not to punish that way, I think it's ridiculous when people label it "abuse".
That said, with my younger siblings (who are far brattier and mouthier than I would have EVER dreamed of being), the thing that works most is labor punishment. You disobey, you have to do an extra chore, or write something a ton of times, etc. It kind of works, as well as anything else woudl work on them. They are very stubborn.
It depends on the child. My two year old granddaughter usually responds to a gentle "No, no, honey." My three year old grandson gets a time out and sometimes he gets a swat on the butt if he refuses to behave (sit still in one place) in time out. If we tried the "No no honey" bit with him he would laugh out loud and continue in his behavior. He gets VERY offended by the gentlest tap on the butt and that gets his attention, and he understands he was pushing someone's buttons.
My kids are 6(girl) and 4(boy). They opposite in everything including discipline. What is right for one child is not for the other.
There was a time that I called my daughter out of her room. (she likes her alone time) She was confronted with something she did wrong. She admitted to it. I asked her what her punishment should be. She said she did not know. keep in mind this is a calm verbal exchange between her and I. (i.e. no whining and no yelling).
I told her she needed to go to her room. She ran to her crying because it broke her heart that I punished her. I punished her to the very place that she finds solace. I thought that was funny.
My son on the other hand would run to his room if he could. I usually make him sit quietly where I can see him for a few minutes.
One type of discipline I use is to have them repeat an action in the correct manner repeatedly. For instance, if caught running in the house, the kids would need to walk about 5 times from one end of the house to the the other. Or if you slam a door, they have to open and close it however many times. I find it effective for both.
I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.
I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.
Suggestions would be appreciated.
Me, I'm in favor of controlled, selective, predictable, and rare spanking for small children. It worked wonders for my kid who now hasn't been spanked in years.
In addition to alternatives, folks should be taught how to spank properly.
Its funny thinking about how kids are these days and that spanking is trying to go out the window or you freaking get in trouble for disciplining your kids. I slapped my daughter for calling me a whore. You know what, Its totally worth it to me to go to freaking jail over that because i know she will never talk to me again like that. I got spanked as a child but it was for major things. ANd i never did those major things again. Talking back, lying, all the things that your not supposed to do when you have respect for someone. We are letting society tell us how to raise our children so the kids now are what we get. Now I am not one for the total beating, but you can bet that if i am in walmart and my kids talks crap to me she will get slapped and its worth it for me to take the consequences if someone sees fit to go that route than to have a disrepectful, unruly child that only thinks of themselves. That being said, it happens rarely around my house. ANd less often as they get older.
The behavior I see in a lot of kids in public and the way the talk to their parents, the way they behave, or misbehave. Personally I feel a little more corporal punishment is in order.
Its funny thinking about how kids are these days and that spanking is trying to go out the window or you freaking get in trouble for disciplining your kids. I slapped my daughter for calling me a whore. You know what, Its totally worth it to me to go to freaking jail over that because i know she will never talk to me again like that. I got spanked as a child but it was for major things. ANd i never did those major things again. Talking back, lying, all the things that your not supposed to do when you have respect for someone. We are letting society tell us how to raise our children so the kids now are what we get. Now I am not one for the total beating, but you can bet that if i am in walmart and my kids talks crap to me she will get slapped and its worth it for me to take the consequences if someone sees fit to go that route than to have a disrepectful, unruly child that only thinks of themselves. That being said, it happens rarely around my house. ANd less often as they get older.
I'm totally against making a spectacle of yourself in public like this. Slapping kids in the store is wrong. You should never be unwilling to remove your child from a store, restaurant, church or other public venue.
Children do sometimes take advantage of us being in public, or us being with our friends or family, counting on the fact that we might let it slide rather than make a scene. But, we should pull the child aside to disciple, not slap in public. That's just lazy and disrespectful in my opinion.
I have four and it is enough to scold a couple but then there is one who can't be reached with anything other than having a spanking.
The other alternative is to drug the child. This is horrible, and I don't trust the pharmaceutical companies who push these drugs. I'm sure they don't want you to spank, and we all know why.
I've never understood what purpose hitting serves. I never learned anything from being hit, except that when people are angry, they like to hurt you. That is a dumb way to go about. Instead of slapping a child for calling you names, try to figure out what is going on with that child, why they feel the need to say what they said. anger only begets anger.
I am strongly opposed to corporal punishment as discipline. I'm sure there are scenarios where this is the exception, but slapping a child for back-talking is out of line.
I like the suggestions of making the child repeat the behavior correctly. I've also seen where parents make the child write an essay about why what they did was wrong. Teaching children to think about their actions seems to be much better than hitting them.
ShayRN
1,046 Posts
I rarely, rarely, rarely spank my children. BUT! When they break the big rule (LYING!) Oh, yeah, they get spanked.
However, my children are hugged, kissed and cuddled every day. From the time they get up in the morning when they come snuggle in bed between snoozes to the bedtime reading story. My children know they are loved. There is a huge difference between spanking for disipline and abuse. We all know that. A swat on my daughters butt when she looks me in the eye and lies for the third time that she didn't draw on the front door is a heck of a lot different than holding her down and hitting her bare butt with a belt. OMG. I could never live with myself.