allegation

[Salebow]

Hello everyone,

I am looking for advice on something. I am a male RN of about 2 years. Last Friday I was suspended with pay pending an allegation of unknown origin. My med-surg manager would not tell me the allegation at the time. She stated she will try and let me know something Monday(today) any update on the investigation as our HR director wasn't in the office last Friday. I work in a small 25 bed critical access hospital. I'm the only nurse that works Med-Surg, ER, and I am the wound care clinic lead nurse. I literally just had my yearly review with high praise across the board. I get constantly praised by all staff and management from several departments. I've worked hard to build up what I've built up in my small hospital.

Now to the allegation: I don't know what it is, but I think it is a sexual harassment allegation. Quick background: I have been married for 14 years. The last year basically I've been emotionally and verbally abused by my wife. I was talking to a tech that mentioned she went through the same thing. So we got to talking about what it was like dealing with this. I sought her advice in confidentiality and there was no one around within ear shot to hear the conversation. We then got to talking about the spiritual aspects of relationships. We talked about other things like hobbies and such, and her moving. She was having a hard time with her landlord, so she was moving. I made a small innocent joke that she would come stay with me and my family. She said, "I'm sure your wife would like that." I said, "no, but then again i'm just kidding." I also joked that she can't move because we live literally 1/4 mile away from each other. I was joking she can't move because we're neighbors. We worked well together and helped each other out with work related responsibilities. I sent her a text after the shift that basically said thanks for the help, you did an awesome job as always.

All of this happened last wednesday. On Friday, I got the call that I was suspended. My manager seemed disappointed she had to do this, and said she will do what's best for me and my family and will give fair investigation. I know that they have to do this, and of course their first responsibility is to protect the hospital.

Throughout all of this, I feel humilitated, furious, scared, and unsure what I should do. I had no intention of this becoming what I think it is. Looking back, I shouldn't have done this. The problem with this type of allegation is that someone can think it is even if it isn't.

I'm willing to never work with is person again, and to switch to a different shift schedule to accomodate. I've also seeked the professional advice of a lawyer as this can be devastation to me, my career, and my family as well as my reputation.

Do you guys have any advice further?

[LaneyB]

I am sorry you are going through this mess. The best advice I have is that going forward do not make any kind of comment at work that can be misunderstood in a sexual way. Keep work professional and try to talk about your personal problems outside of work only with non-coworkers. I'm sure you know that now anyway.

I once had a patient say he was going on some fabulous trip out of the country. I replied with something stupid like "take me too", and he thought I meant it. He then emailed me an extremely flirtatious email, and seemed excited that I might go with him on the trip. and I felt like an idiot. I really hadn't been serious, but I realized I should never have said something like that anyway.

I hope it works out for you, both professionally and personally.

[SleeepyRN]

I think there are too many identifying factors in your post, and my advice is to talk to no one but your family and lawyer about it.

Hopefully, this will turn out to be just a learning experience. We may have the most innocent intentions, but you never know what may be construed from it. PP is a very good example. Not only do I never discuss my marriage at work, I don't discuss ANYTHING negative to anyone in my life that may give the image that my marriage is vulnerable. As soon as you even hint to even a moment of unhappiness (which may be just a fleeting thing) there are people ready to b pounce on that vulnerability. I learned that the hard way years ago when my husband said a male friend of mine, was not just a friend. That he expected more. He was of course right.

So I don't discuss anything with friends or acquaintances let alone WORK. Yikes!

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I'm so sorry you are caught up in this situation. I am very aware of how easy it is to inadvertently veer off into a "YIKES" situation when you're a minority gender.... it's so easy to have your actions or words misconstrued. I was very naive through out my early career... as a female working in a female-dominated profession.

When I moved into another position as the only female in a larger group, I immediately became aware of how important it was to maintain boundaries at all times. Some colleagues interpreted any personal remark as an 'open door' in directions I certainly did not want to explore.... ick. I have also had the privilege of working with some very stellar male subordinates who found themselves in iffy situations when female colleagues misinterpreted their actions or words. One poor guy was perceived as a 'bully' simply because of his physical size and naturally loud voice. Another was accused of sexual harassment after an innocent conversation about the the fact that he had to wear t-shirts under scrub tops to avoid showing chest hair.

I hope you resolve this issue quickly and fairly. Use it as a valuable lesson. Keep personal topics out of the workplace.

[Salebow]

I have an update. Still waiting on nurse lawyer to call me back. My work manager called back and wants to meet at 9AM tomorrow morning with HR director. According to the company policy, they *SHOULD* tell me the allegation when they suspend me. This phone call yet again she won't tell me. Says I have to meet with her and HR tomorrow to discuss it and what we are going to do going forward. I'm not at all happy with this. I need to know what it is so I can be prepared when I go in to talk. I also want my lawyer present. I'm working on that 2nd part though. This whole thing is frustrating.

[Farawyn]

Sorry, OP. I have really good work friends and I could see how this happened, in a way.

Maybe she was uncomfortable with her own feelings, or her husband saw your text. Or maybe you came across a little creepy, even if that was not your intention.

Hopefully the text you sent was innocent and can't be used against you.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

I would not set foot into that meeting without a lawyer.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

There's an old saying, to the effect of "You don't poop where you eat."

Unfortunately in today's society, any hint of flirtation can be perceived as harassment, whether the intent was innocent or not. Your feeling that this is what the allegation is about is proof.

It can be difficult, but work relationships are best kept on a "Good morning" level. Resist the temptation to spill your guts to a seemingly sympathetic co-worker, especially one who talks like she is going through the same life stressors as you are. If (WHEN) something happens to make her regret talking to you in depth, you are going to get it right in the throat. Like someone else said, perhaps her husband intercepted the text.

Anyway, you already know all this, since every poster ahead of me has said the same thing. Just remember it for future reference.

And don't discuss any more details with anyone but your lawyer!!

[SleeepyRN]

I have an update. Still waiting on nurse lawyer to call me back. My work manager called back and wants to meet at 9AM tomorrow morning with HR director. According to the company policy, they *SHOULD* tell me the allegation when they suspend me. This phone call yet again she won't tell me. Says I have to meet with her and HR tomorrow to discuss it and what we are going to do going forward. I'm not at all happy with this. I need to know what it is so I can be prepared when I go in to talk. I also want my lawyer present. I'm working on that 2nd part though. This whole thing is frustrating.

That does sound just so....bogus. The situation is being set for you to be ganged up on. You walk in, they tell you the allegation, and you're emotionally and mentally prepared to snap. Which is NOT what is in your best interest. I know you want to know the allegation VERY badly. I personally, would NOT walk into that room without an attorney that would know when to shut me up if I start saying something the wrong way because of raw emotions.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Stop posting here, see your lawyer and I wish you best.

[Nerd eNurse, ADN]

I am looking for advice on something.

I am not a legal expert but I though it wasn't sexual harassment unless the other person told you to stop the conversation which is my advice to you now. Don't text, FB etc. anything until you have a lawyers OK.

[canigraduate]

Also, just be aware that you are building a house of cards on something you thought might have gone wrong.

Be prepared for anything and try not to get too worked up. Good call on the lawyer.