I am looking for advice on something. I am a male RN of about 2 years. Last Friday I was suspended with pay pending an allegation of unknown origin. My med-surg manager would not tell me the allegation at the time. She stated she will try and let me know something Monday(today) any update on the investigation as our HR director wasn't in the office last Friday. I work in a small 25 bed critical access hospital. I'm the only nurse that works Med-Surg, ER, and I am the wound care clinic lead nurse. I literally just had my yearly review with high praise across the board. I get constantly praised by all staff and management from several departments. I've worked hard to build up what I've built up in my small hospital.
Now to the allegation: I don't know what it is, but I think it is a sexual harassment allegation. Quick background: I have been married for 14 years. The last year basically I've been emotionally and verbally abused by my wife. I was talking to a tech that mentioned she went through the same thing. So we got to talking about what it was like dealing with this. I sought her advice in confidentiality and there was no one around within ear shot to hear the conversation. We then got to talking about the spiritual aspects of relationships. We talked about other things like hobbies and such, and her moving. She was having a hard time with her landlord, so she was moving. I made a small innocent joke that she would come stay with me and my family. She said, "I'm sure your wife would like that." I said, "no, but then again i'm just kidding." I also joked that she can't move because we live literally 1/4 mile away from each other. I was joking she can't move because we're neighbors. We worked well together and helped each other out with work related responsibilities. I sent her a text after the shift that basically said thanks for the help, you did an awesome job as always.
All of this happened last wednesday. On Friday, I got the call that I was suspended. My manager seemed disappointed she had to do this, and said she will do what's best for me and my family and will give fair investigation. I know that they have to do this, and of course their first responsibility is to protect the hospital.
Throughout all of this, I feel humilitated, furious, scared, and unsure what I should do. I had no intention of this becoming what I think it is. Looking back, I shouldn't have done this. The problem with this type of allegation is that someone can think it is even if it isn't.
I'm willing to never work with is person again, and to switch to a different shift schedule to accomodate. I've also seeked the professional advice of a lawyer as this can be devastation to me, my career, and my family as well as my reputation.
Sorry you are in all this turmoil. The not knowing sends your imagination to the worst possible outcome and there are plenty of examples in the media of accusations being almost as bad as an actual infraction.
I keep everything above board, as in don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't say in front of a group of co-workers. It's OK to be friendly, compliment someone, engage in superficial chit chat but when it gets personal that's the slippery slope.
I am also very cautious with female patients and ask for "assistance" from a female co-worker when I have to do peri pad or dressing checks. Totally bypassing any possibility of a he-said she-said incident. Prevention is invaluable.
Re-group, engage your lawyer or union rep and write everything down in a professional objective tone in a personal notebook while things are fresh in your mind. This could come back later if they're trying to establish a pattern of behavior.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Sexual harassment had become a "hot topic" in all areas of life. Shoot! I have had to teach my elementary school aged son that certain off color jokes can be construed as sexual harassment.
One nurse at my job touched another staff member on the shoulder when she thanked him for help.
He reported the nurse for sexual harassment. It just goes to show, no good deed....you know the rest.
I will read all the other responses, OP, but here is my take from your original post:
All was fine until you texted her personal phone. If she was/is in a situation of whateverness, her s.o. more than likely could have done the "Who is that? Who is texting you? What does he want? How did he get your number? Did you give it to him? (
Now that I see the date of your OP, I see that reading on perhaps I will find out what happened with you and this situation. I will tell you with all sincerity, don't poop where you eat, no matter how innocent, friendly, concerned or well meaning.
FOR YOU: There is a national Domestic Abuse Hotline (thehotline.org) that actually has a chat option as well. Women are not the only people who are abused. Get some help for yourself.
I am looking for advice on something. I am a male RN of about 2 years. Last Friday I was suspended with pay pending an allegation of unknown origin. My med-surg manager would not tell me the allegation at the time. She stated she will try and let me know something Monday(today) any update on the investigation as our HR director wasn't in the office last Friday. I work in a small 25 bed critical access hospital. I'm the only nurse that works Med-Surg, ER, and I am the wound care clinic lead nurse. I literally just had my yearly review with high praise across the board. I get constantly praised by all staff and management from several departments. I've worked hard to build up what I've built up in my small hospital.
Now to the allegation: I don't know what it is, but I think it is a sexual harassment allegation. Quick background: I have been married for 14 years. The last year basically I've been emotionally and verbally abused by my wife. I was talking to a tech that mentioned she went through the same thing. So we got to talking about what it was like dealing with this. I sought her advice in confidentiality and there was no one around within ear shot to hear the conversation. We then got to talking about the spiritual aspects of relationships. We talked about other things like hobbies and such, and her moving. She was having a hard time with her landlord, so she was moving. I made a small innocent joke that she would come stay with me and my family. She said, "I'm sure your wife would like that." I said, "no, but then again i'm just kidding." I also joked that she can't move because we live literally 1/4 mile away from each other. I was joking she can't move because we're neighbors. We worked well together and helped each other out with work related responsibilities. I sent her a text after the shift that basically said thanks for the help, you did an awesome job as always.
All of this happened last wednesday. On Friday, I got the call that I was suspended. My manager seemed disappointed she had to do this, and said she will do what's best for me and my family and will give fair investigation. I know that they have to do this, and of course their first responsibility is to protect the hospital.
Throughout all of this, I feel humilitated, furious, scared, and unsure what I should do. I had no intention of this becoming what I think it is. Looking back, I shouldn't have done this. The problem with this type of allegation is that someone can think it is even if it isn't.
I'm willing to never work with is person again, and to switch to a different shift schedule to accomodate. I've also seeked the professional advice of a lawyer as this can be devastation to me, my career, and my family as well as my reputation.
Do you guys have any advice further?
Just a question: How is it legal to suspend an employee and not tell them why? You definitely need that lawyer to go with you! Good luck and God speed!PS: please let us know you are okay!
But....how did he get ther phone #? did she give it to him? I'm jsut confused as to how this is harrasment.
There is a list of people's numbers in many central locations. I am quite sure that the intent was "hey thanks for the good talk" and lets face it, men talking about being abused by their wives is a difficult subject for people--anyways, my gut tells me that the receiver's s.o. was none too pleased to see this on her phone.
And anyone caught up in relationship hell will tell you--duck, cover, hide the phone--the most innocent of communication can become nothing nice pretty quick.
Or lets turn this around.....the wife who is the abuser sees the message, FLIPS that he is sharing private stuff (that of COURSE is NOT TRUE!!) and decides to "report" the OP to just make his life miserable.
I hope that everything has been revealed to the OP, and wish him nothing but the best.
Mavrick, BSN, RN
1,578 Posts
Sorry you are in all this turmoil. The not knowing sends your imagination to the worst possible outcome and there are plenty of examples in the media of accusations being almost as bad as an actual infraction.
I keep everything above board, as in don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't say in front of a group of co-workers. It's OK to be friendly, compliment someone, engage in superficial chit chat but when it gets personal that's the slippery slope.
I am also very cautious with female patients and ask for "assistance" from a female co-worker when I have to do peri pad or dressing checks. Totally bypassing any possibility of a he-said she-said incident. Prevention is invaluable.
Re-group, engage your lawyer or union rep and write everything down in a professional objective tone in a personal notebook while things are fresh in your mind. This could come back later if they're trying to establish a pattern of behavior.
Best to you.