in an abusive marriage,in nursing school/child 2.5yrs, and due again in june help!!

[anne w]

i am starting my 3rd semester of 4 in about 2 weeks. I am pregnant, due in june,thank God not during the semester. I also have a 2.5 year old. a big issue i have is i am in an abusive marriage. i feel like i want to leave, but im off work now, and my unemployment runs out in end of march. i hate him, it affects my stress level, and my energy level. he is economically abusive too, never helps out etc. i really put myself in a mess. school is very demanding this semester, school 4 full days a week. has anyone had this experience?? i feel like if a can just hang on till graduation, i can be free with a new career.help!!!

[anne w]

i am sorry i think i posted my message to liz, im new here. i want it to go to "senior member just passing through" post 11 i believe. also, i did post yesterday again, but for some reason it did not get through. i wanted to thank you fellow nursing students and nurses for some awsome support and advice. last night i got to talking with a friend, brainstormed, and got a plan. im gonna apply for lower income housing tomorrow, i can stay with her for a bit. i will not quit school ive come too far. it is my dream and he nor no one else will ruin it for me. i am going to tell one of my professors too, it is a great idea. i thank you anne w

[SunnyRn2B]

Anne, hang in there! We are All rooting for you, even if we have different opinions on what each of us would put up with. I have been in your shoes. I know it is easy for people to say " I would just leave the guy" WELL! it is not always that easy. Most women in abusive relationships Stay, because they are afraid to leave, they leave when the fear of staying, out weighs the fear of leaving. Not to mention, you are often afraid to trust anyone enough to tell about your situation,because of embarressment and fear that the spouse may find out, and that could be bad. I am glad you found someone to trust. You will be surprised at how many people can help, and how much stronger you will become with each day you are away from that coward. I cannot emphasize how strongly I MEAN "COWARD" So, hang in there! You have made the first and best step. Best wishes!

[Dixen81]

Anne, sounds like you've got a good plan going. Stick with it and be safe, strong, and happy! We're all here for you! Let us know how you're doing, ok? Take care. :kiss

[jschut, BSN, RN]

Anne~

I PM'd you.

Julie

[Carolanne]

Sounds like a good plan, Anne. Once you apply for the low income housing, there are probably other services which you will be eligible for once that initial application is made. Could open many doors for you in more ways then one. I wish you the best of luck with everything!

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

It's easy to say just pick up and go but hey, you have to have a place to go! Thank God for the shelters that are out there. Even better, what a blessing to have friends.

Anne, I just want to let you know how much respect I have for women (and men) who see the evil demon and do what has to be done. When you look in the mirror, you will respect that person too. I'm glad you won't have to leave school.

Kathy

[Mandylpn]

Anne: Where are you? I hope you are okay and it sounds like you are at the first step, getting some housing information. Please don't quit school whatever you do. Let us all know how you are doing.

People ask "why did she stay?". Well, my answer is "why did he abuse her in the first place?" Good luck and bless you and your children. We all care here.

[gwenith, BSN, RN]

One of the best pieces of advice here is to go to the school counsellor - this is a "just in case" - just in case this becomes so stressful that it starts to impact on your results. It will also open up other avenues. Hope all goes well for you and ignore the dismissive ones (they are not only here on the BB). Only those who have gone through what you are experiencing can truly understand.

[BarbPick]

Originally posted by stevielynn

I agree with ImaEmt . . . go somewhere safe and forget about the rest right now. Your life and your daughter's life and your unborn child's life is at stake. And things tend to escalate.

Get out now.

steph

The new frick and frack twins, me and Steph I agree, leave now.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by BarbPick

The new frick and frack twins, me and Steph I agree, leave now.

:chuckle Ha ha . . frick and frack . . I love it.

Anne - good for you for making a plan. Someone mentioned not telling your husband as that is the time the violence can escalate. I experienced that . . .funny, he doesn't want you but then he doesn't want you to suceed either.

Be quiet, get out safely.

steph

[heatherbless]

Originally posted by TeresaRN2b

God is this a judgemental thread! Abuse is progressive. It doesn't usually start out as a bad relationship. It just gradually gets worse and worse. I know I was in one before. First you try and be nicer thinking it's you and then one day and wake up and realize it's not you it's them. My guess is the abuse hadn't progressed to this point when she got pregnant. Gees how are you going to make it in the nursing profession being this judgemental and non-caring. Ugh!

Teresa

AS FAR AS THESE CONDESCENDING POSTS FROM LIZZ: SHE IS JUST LIKE THAT...I WOULD NOT LET HER TREAT MY DEAD DOG, MUCH LESS ANYTHING ELSE.

[heatherbless]

Originally posted by lizz

I dunno. Maybe I'll just be a lousy nurse.

I wasn't trying to be judgemental, although a lot of people read it that way. I guess it's just difficult for me to understand.

Anytime a man has treated me badly, I took off. I guess it's just my personality, but I just can't tolerate it. I'm the type of person who doesn't hestitate to pack my bags and leave, and I have done so many times. I would much rather be alone and on my own, than put up with any type of abuse, even minor abuse, verbal or otherwise. If a man doesn't treat me like gold, I'm outta there. Period.

So I can't imagine hanging around, much less have sex with someone who treated me like that. And, I would definitely have taken precautions if there was trouble on the horizon, because I would be worried about having another kid with an abusive person.

Of course, if the sex wasn't consensual, then that's a different story. But if it was, I do have trouble relating to that kind of situation. Especially if the guy isn't helping out with the bills, which IS a reason I could understand for staying, since there is a child to support.

But if my opinion upsets some people, or somehow makes me a lousy nurse, so be it.

LIZZ COULD HAVE NOT SAID IT BETTER: SOME PEOPLE JUST MAKE LOUSY NURSES....ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR ANOTHER WOMAN'S DOMESTIC SITUATION. I DO NOT THINK THAT ANYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO LIZZ. HTY/