i am starting my 3rd semester of 4 in about 2 weeks. I am pregnant, due in june,thank God not during the semester. I also have a 2.5 year old. a big issue i have is i am in an abusive marriage. i feel like i want to leave, but im off work now, and my unemployment runs out in end of march. i hate him, it affects my stress level, and my energy level. he is economically abusive too, never helps out etc. i really put myself in a mess. school is very demanding this semester, school 4 full days a week. has anyone had this experience?? i feel like if a can just hang on till graduation, i can be free with a new career.help!!!
Lizz I am sorry but your comments really upset me. I know that there are many "con" artists in this world, but I feel people must still try to trust others, especially if someone is in a hard situation. This woman was asking for nothing more more than advise, You had commented about other posts on this board that you are sceptical to believe them. I am very happy for you that you have never been in a bad situation, and maybe do not understand how helpful and theraputic talking out your problems can be. It is wonderful to have this board for support for good times and bad. WE all have a common bond here. It offends me because I too, have posted on this board about my troubles, and am VERY upset to think that people might think that It is all a lie. I guess that is a part of the internet, but It is a shame people can't trust or lend a kind thought, or word to others for encouragement
I hope this woman knows she is welcome to come here for advise and support, and friendship! And there are people who care. Please don't take this comment in the wrong way, you certainly have a right to your opinions, and I to mine.:)
I don't take your comments the wrong way. You have a good point. Maybe I'm jaded because these internet fraud stories were all over the news, once again, this week. And most of the scams originated from message boards.
You've mentioned several times what you would have done, how you would have responded but, respectfully, this is not about you. You don't have to fully understand everything you run into, but you could show a bit more compassion when you come accross something you still haven't learned much about yet.
Abusive relationships become very complicated and don't always have the quick fix solution you talk about. Instead of saying you just can't understand why someone would not do what you would do, you might want to do some research and learn a bit about other people.
I agree with all who said to GET OUT...RUN...DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200!!!!
It does not get better or easier.
I found myself in a very similar situation a few years back. I waited until my baby was born to leave and I surely wouldn't trade him for the entire universe...but I can understand the abortion suggestion made in a previous post. (Flame on peoples, I don't care about it on this one!!!) If your first child is not his (and I don't remember you saying that was the case) and this one will tie you to him, your abuser, forever (whether you are WITH him or not), then an abortion may be an option. That is between you and God, and not for anyone, not even on this BB, to judge you for doing.
Even if you decide to keep this baby...GET OUT. You DO NOT have to wait through the pregnancy.
Do look into your shelter options in your area. Make your plans and do it. Start school at a later date. I wish you the best. (((((HUGS)))))
You've mentioned several times what you would have done, how you would have responded but, respectfully, this is not about you. You don't have to fully understand everything you run into, but you could show a bit more compassion when you come accross something you still haven't learned much about yet.
Abusive relationships become very complicated and don't always have the quick fix solution you talk about. Instead of saying you just can't understand why someone would not do what you would do, you might want to do some research and learn a bit about other people.
Ok well, I guess it's not about Hellllllo Nurse, Peggy Sue or anybody else who posted their story here.
Hellllllo Nurse said she made a plan and she left. She also said it was easier for her to leave an abusive personal relationship than her abusive nursing career.
Does she, and the others, need to learn about people too? Or, does that somehow make her an incompassionate nurse?
I wasn't trying to be judgemental, although a lot of people read it that way. I guess it's just difficult for me to understand.
Anytime a man has treated me badly, I took off. I guess it's just my personality, but I just can't tolerate it. I'm the type of person who doesn't hestitate to pack my bags and leave, and I have done so many times. I would much rather be alone and on my own, than put up with any type of abuse, even minor abuse, verbal or otherwise. If a man doesn't treat me like gold, I'm outta there. Period.
Lizz - I'm not going to flame you or take issue with your lack of understanding. I do not UNDERSTAND anyone (male or female) remaining in an abusive relationship. But, I do not need to understand to be compassionate and caring. No, I would not stick around either. As others have said, abusive relationships do not start out that way, it is a progressive thing. The difference is, some individuals have been raised (or developed on their own) to immediately stand up for themselves. Others have not. Unfortunately some people have grown up in homes where verbal abuse was the norm, where a smack or slap wasn't unusual. It isn't a leap to then accept a little jealousy at first, then a little possessiveness, then the odd swear, the odd raised voice. It is a slow transition from heaven (abusive people con act like saints for a couple of years) to hell in an abusive relationship. That much I do understand. I did not understand these types of relationships before, to be honest, I still don't. But rather than question why a woman (or man) does not simply get up and leave, I thank God for the parents who raised me. My father taught me to box. He also taught me how to fight... real fighting, down and dirty. He taught me how to defend myself. He also told me that if someone is at me, really at me, warn them once and then break their nose. Sounds harsh but I was a lucky girl to have the kind of father who would teach me that lesson. I realize now that not every girl was that lucky. Instead of judging them (because I cannot understand their situation), I have compassion for a person who was not raised to defend themselves. I do not know all of the specifics of the OP's situation, but typically, any person in an abusive relationship was not raised in a manner that would nurture and protect the ego and self-confidence.
Anne, you haven't said the specific type of abuse that takes place. It really doesn't matter. Abuse is abuse. I wish you all of the best and hope that you will make the right decision for you and your children. Take care and be safe.
It wasn't your response to me that made me understand, but what you said to another poster.
I'm sorry, I think I have taken you wrong. Now I am thinking it is because you have taken enough crap that you have this "no way will I take that" kind of defensive. I have been through way too much, too, and would never take anymore of the crap I did. I'm guessing it is the same for you.
But...the OP isn't quite there yet. She will be in due time.
This is to the original poster only. You should NOT tell anyone what you plan to do, except someone who can help you get into a shelter! I would contact an instructor, advisor, doctor, nurse, ER, and tell them what is going on, and that you want out! They will put you in touch with someone who can help you plan, and make your escape. And I do mean escape!
Many times, when the abused person decides to leave, this is the most dangerous time
!
Do NOT go to your family until you're totally sure you're safe! Do tell them you're leaving, and will contact them when it is safe to do so. Do NOT rely on orders of protection, family members, or the police to keep him from coming after you!
In my experience, from seeing my sister in such a marriage, and all too many friends, that the closer you get to graduatiing, and or delivering this baby, the worst things will get. No matter what is happening now, it will get worst the closer you get to being free of him.
I have no idea how this man is abusing you, but no matter what, you have to leave now, while you're still able to! There is help, and I pray you find the strength to reach out for it! This will not get better, only worse!
He is not going to come to his senses, and he is not about to let you just walk out, or he would have left himself, rather than continue to subject you, and your child to abuse! Whether he is physically or emotionally abusing you or your child, you both are suffering, and he is not going to stop!
And if he is financially withholding support, he is trying to get you to quit school, and be dependent on him, or he is wanting to punish you! Either way, he does not love you, or he would not being treating you in this manner, or allow your child to be in such a situation! Get help please!
Only you know how dangerous this man can be, and what he has done. But those who work with women in these kind of situations, are the best ones to advise you. And they are the ones I would listen to now!
Please don't consider that. God created that sweet baby; if you don't want it, there's plenty of people who will.
Do you mind if I ask what state do you live in?
I agree do not do this. There are ways out. If there is a United Way where you live. They can help you. You can go to your county clerks office for family violence and they can help you. I have been thru this. My ex husband tried killing me and tried to kidnap my children. He molested my daughters and several other children and was found not guilty. There is help out there. Take it from me do not quit school. Have faith, hang in there help is out there. I prayed everyday. My second husband does not hit me or abuse my children. He just yells and has me do alot for him but compared to my ex he is alot better. You can get government assisstance. Hang in there. God bless!:)
Ok well, I guess it's not about Hellllllo Nurse, Peggy Sue or anybody else who posted their story here.
Hellllllo Nurse said she made a plan and she left. She also said it was easier for her to leave an abusive personal relationship than her abusive nursing career.
Does she, and the others, need to learn about people too? Or, does that somehow make her an incompassionate nurse?
I brought up my problem with my abusive nursing career because the orignial poster not being able to leave an abusive relationship w/ a man made me see that although I would not dream of putting up with such treatment from a man, I am in no position to judge the OP, because I am having a parallel inability to completely remove myself from an abusive nursing career.
Her post gave me some insight into myself, and I expressed it here. Not to hijack the OP's thread, but to illustrate in a roundabout way, that when we judge others, we might also want to look at ourselves.
Back to the OP-
She knows that she is unhappy in her situation and she knows that she and her children are at risk. I believe that she also knows how to find resources to aid her in her escape. When she is angry enough, fed up enough, scared enough, she will act.
Where is Anne? She hasn't posted again since starting this thread. Doesn't anyone find that odd? I sure hope she isn't hurt somewhere, or perhaps she took the advice given her and found help at a shelter or something. In any case, I hope she returns to let us know how she and the children are doing.
Yeah, your"opinion" upset me . would you say this stuff to a patient who was confiding in you?? if so, i would feel bad for them!! i never said i would get an abortion, and who gets abortions at 5 months pregnant anyways??(even if i could).you must not have any children.or do you? you should look into your books a little more and find out how to talk to people about tough subjects, because to tell someone to kill their baby is not good advice.
i am starting my 3rd semester of 4 in about 2 weeks. I am pregnant, due in june,thank God not during the semester. I also have a 2.5 year old. a big issue i have is i am in an abusive marriage. i feel like i want to leave, but im off work now, and my unemployment runs out in end of march. i hate him, it affects my stress level, and my energy level. he is economically abusive too, never helps out etc. i really put myself in a mess. school is very demanding this semester, school 4 full days a week. has anyone had this experience?? i feel like if a can just hang on till graduation, i can be free with a new career.help!!!
n8isgr8
79 Posts
Lizz I am sorry but your comments really upset me. I know that there are many "con" artists in this world, but I feel people must still try to trust others, especially if someone is in a hard situation. This woman was asking for nothing more more than advise, You had commented about other posts on this board that you are sceptical to believe them. I am very happy for you that you have never been in a bad situation, and maybe do not understand how helpful and theraputic talking out your problems can be. It is wonderful to have this board for support for good times and bad. WE all have a common bond here. It offends me because I too, have posted on this board about my troubles, and am VERY upset to think that people might think that It is all a lie. I guess that is a part of the internet, but It is a shame people can't trust or lend a kind thought, or word to others for encouragement
I hope this woman knows she is welcome to come here for advise and support, and friendship! And there are people who care. Please don't take this comment in the wrong way, you certainly have a right to your opinions, and I to mine.:)