About apologizing

mvm2 · Jul 6, 2015

Well if indeed I did something that i need to apologize for i most certainly will do it every time. Its called being courteous and hey that's how my mom and dad raised me to be. There is no pride in me that apologizing is beneath me in any way.

RNNPICU, BSN, RN · Jul 6, 2015

Not sure how I could be conceding anything. I have no problem apologizing, especially when I am in the wrong, or if I hurt someone in someway inadvertently.

loriangel14, RN · Jul 6, 2015

What would be wrong about apologizing if you weer wrong, made a mistake or inadvertently hurt someones feelings? That's not conceding anything, that's good manners.

Libby1987 · Jul 6, 2015

Well, have you known anyone who was resistant to apologizing?

I *think* some might be resistant to apologizing because it could associated being wrong entirely.

Or a feeling of awkwardness. Much like being uncomfortable with non hostile confrontation.

ETA Both confrontation and apologies come easy to me, I was wondering about differing perceptions.

Red Kryptonite · Jul 6, 2015

I've only ever been an employee on the bottom rungs so far, so I have no experience with being anyone's boss to offer.

However, I can tell you about the fact that my parents NEVER apologized to me even when they were obviously and blatantly wrong, mistakenly believing that apologizing would damage their authority. I apologize to my kids ALL THE TIME. And if you ask them, they'll tell you I still have plenty of authority! Too much, they'd say, I'm sure.

It took me a while to convince my husband of this, and he still struggles with it. I told him that authoritative is very different from authoritarian. Authoritarian demands blind obedience, regardless of legitimacy, and is based only in power. Authoritative relies on inspiring and binding loyalty. For that to be authentic, legitimacy is critical. Legitimacy cannot be preserved in the presence of an uncorrected wrong. Apologies are actually necessary to preserving legitimate authority. In the end, authoritarian fails because as soon as the subjects of your authority find a way to circumvent the raw power by which you control, it's over. Authoritative has more success because, done right, the subjects of your authority feel that your power is legitimate and fair, and your fair exercise of it prevents them wanting or needing to escape your influence.

mvm2 · Jul 6, 2015

I suppose there are people that can never admit when they are wrong or have a hard time saying their sorry.

I just move on and know I may be entitled to an apology from this person but don't let it effect me when this person doesn't.

guest769224 · Jul 6, 2015

I can tell you about the fact that my parents NEVER apologized to me even when they were obviously and blatantly wrong, mistakenly believing that apologizing would damage their authority. I apologize to my kids ALL THE TIME.

Good for you, Red. Very nice to read you broke a pattern rooted throughout your childhood. That can be hard to do. Sounds similar to my parents.

Libby1987 · Jul 6, 2015

Mvm2, you say you don't let a lack of apology affect you but would it have improved your working relationship? You don't let it bring you down but would it bring you up? If that makes sense?

mvm2 · Jul 6, 2015

No I'm sure I'd would not be best of buddies with a person like that. But I am pretty tolerant of other people in that I will not allow personal feelings about someone effect my work in any way. If I have to work with that person I work with them and give them respect as anyone else I work with even if they don't give me respect back.

RainMom · Jul 6, 2015

I probably say "I'm sorry" a lot but not really because I did something wrong. It's just my go to phrase when someone else is sad, frustrated, aggravated, etc. I often use it during report after relaying some info that is sure to make the coming shift hell. Guess it's my way of empathizing, lol.

I have had a couple apologies come to me out of the blue. A nurse thought she had been kind of snippy & rude one morning I guess, cause she apologized for it the next time she saw me. I, on the other hand, hadn't thought much of it & hadn't been offended or upset; really hadn't noticed anything in particular that morning.

I'd say that most people really don't get hung up over "perceived" offenses.

kiszi, RN · Jul 6, 2015

I agree with most of the comments on this thread. I am quick to apologize when I know that I am in the wrong. However, I don't ever feel it's necessary to apologize when I am only doing my job. For instance, if I have to call the doctor I'm not going to apologize for bothering him. Kwim?