About apologizing

Well if indeed I did something that i need to apologize for i most certainly will do it every time. Its called being courteous and hey that's how my mom and dad raised me to be. There is no pride in me that apologizing is beneath me in any way.

Not sure how I could be conceding anything. I have no problem apologizing, especially when I am in the wrong, or if I hurt someone in someway inadvertently.

Well, have you known anyone who was resistant to apologizing?

I *think* some might be resistant to apologizing because it could associated being wrong entirely.

Or a feeling of awkwardness. Much like being uncomfortable with non hostile confrontation.

ETA Both confrontation and apologies come easy to me, I was wondering about differing perceptions.

I've only ever been an employee on the bottom rungs so far, so I have no experience with being anyone's boss to offer.

However, I can tell you about the fact that my parents NEVER apologized to me even when they were obviously and blatantly wrong, mistakenly believing that apologizing would damage their authority. I apologize to my kids ALL THE TIME. And if you ask them, they'll tell you I still have plenty of authority! Too much, they'd say, I'm sure.

It took me a while to convince my husband of this, and he still struggles with it. I told him that authoritative is very different from authoritarian. Authoritarian demands blind obedience, regardless of legitimacy, and is based only in power. Authoritative relies on inspiring and binding loyalty. For that to be authentic, legitimacy is critical. Legitimacy cannot be preserved in the presence of an uncorrected wrong. Apologies are actually necessary to preserving legitimate authority. In the end, authoritarian fails because as soon as the subjects of your authority find a way to circumvent the raw power by which you control, it's over. Authoritative has more success because, done right, the subjects of your authority feel that your power is legitimate and fair, and your fair exercise of it prevents them wanting or needing to escape your influence.

I suppose there are people that can never admit when they are wrong or have a hard time saying their sorry.

I just move on and know I may be entitled to an apology from this person but don't let it effect me when this person doesn't.

I can tell you about the fact that my parents NEVER apologized to me even when they were obviously and blatantly wrong, mistakenly believing that apologizing would damage their authority. I apologize to my kids ALL THE TIME.

Good for you, Red. Very nice to read you broke a pattern rooted throughout your childhood. That can be hard to do. Sounds similar to my parents.

Mvm2, you say you don't let a lack of apology affect you but would it have improved your working relationship? You don't let it bring you down but would it bring you up? If that makes sense?

No I'm sure I'd would not be best of buddies with a person like that. But I am pretty tolerant of other people in that I will not allow personal feelings about someone effect my work in any way. If I have to work with that person I work with them and give them respect as anyone else I work with even if they don't give me respect back.

I probably say "I'm sorry" a lot but not really because I did something wrong. It's just my go to phrase when someone else is sad, frustrated, aggravated, etc. I often use it during report after relaying some info that is sure to make the coming shift hell. Guess it's my way of empathizing, lol.

I have had a couple apologies come to me out of the blue. A nurse thought she had been kind of snippy & rude one morning I guess, cause she apologized for it the next time she saw me. I, on the other hand, hadn't thought much of it & hadn't been offended or upset; really hadn't noticed anything in particular that morning.

I'd say that most people really don't get hung up over "perceived" offenses.

I agree with most of the comments on this thread. I am quick to apologize when I know that I am in the wrong. However, I don't ever feel it's necessary to apologize when I am only doing my job. For instance, if I have to call the doctor I'm not going to apologize for bothering him. Kwim?

I had the most impactful experience several years ago with needing to make an awkward apology.

It was with someone who was very chatty. Heart as big as the universe but chatty. The kind where you slowly back out of the room nodding and saying uh huh over and over because it was very hard to end the conversation.

One day I was in a hurry with a lot still to do per usual back when I first started. My days easily went 12 hrs. I arrived to see a patient and she was still there. She had gone over her time with the patient and was working through my appointed time. She was notorious for that and I was frustrated as soon as I saw that she wasn't finished. I said something not trying to be blatantly rude but in attempt to get her to wrap things up.

I knew I had gone over the line and she had been so gracious anyway. I later went to my admin to talk about it. She understood where my frustration had come in but suggested I just go and apologize. Crap I didn't want to have that conversation, I didn't have a problem with the apology so much as I didn't want to have the conversation.

Well I did it. She said I was a little snippy and then forgave me.

I went to her funeral a couple of years later, complications from a simple accident.

That got me over any discomfort I ever had with talking directly with anyone regardless if anyone was at fault or not. The thought of carrying some knee jerk impatient remark with me forever was worse than any awkward moment I might have.