A nurse who doesn't breastfeed

mommycruz3 · Jun 2, 2014

Mother of 3 beautiful and intelligent girls. Not one was breast fed. Thankfully, the hospital I gave birth at was not pushy. When they asked if I was breastfeeding, I looked them dead in the eye and said, no I am not. Thank you, though. I am not ashamed. My decision!

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jun 3, 2014

See and that right there is part of society's problem. Breast milk from breasts is considered intimate and gross (I know that Esme did not say gross, but society generally thinks it is). This is a cultural phenomenon that is not shared with other cultures, such as the Amish. Some Amish communities actually pool all their milk together and share the pot, so to speak, for the infants that need it and are unable to get it from parents. I admit myself that my natural instinct is that this is really gross and almost "wrong." Think about this versus someone donating blood. No one would see anything wrong with that (aside from people like the Jehovah's Witness) and it's not "gross" to get someone else's blood.
TL;DR: We need to speak about breastfeeding and breast milk in a positive fashion, not a negative fashion, so that it becomes the norm. I foresee that it will be many years before this happens, however.

I am not sure what I would do if I couldn't breast feed. For me...I am uncomfortable with using another woman's breast milk...but that is just me.

I can't put blood in the same category because most people outside of Twilight and Vampire diaries don't drink blood.

The Amish are a closed society....and related for the most part in some way. They shun many of societies additives and drugs for the most part and I see nothing wrong with that....it's their choice.

I don't see negative posts about breast feeding. I see personal feelings and personal choice from those who CHOOSE not to breast feed. However, there are some negative posts about women who choose to not breast feed.

I think we need to be supportive of a mothers choice.

Athletes drinking breast milk....all I have to say is...wow.

T-Bird78 · Jun 3, 2014

Before you make a decision that can affect your child's future health (risk reductions in ear infections, asthma, allergies and so much more)and yours (risk reduction in breast and ovarian cancers) PLEASE research. I find it woefully ignorant of people to blindly think formula even Comes close to breast milk. It's like feeding your kid McDonald's versus Filet mignon...sure you can live off of it, and some do just fine...but do you really want to?! That's your pride and joy, shouldn't you give them the best you can for their health?!

It's spiteful comments like this that make bottle-feeding moms feel like we're being jduged and hated for not nursing our babies, which is the original point of this thread. A mom's decision whether to breast or bottle feed has zero impact on you or your child so back off and quit attacking. Formula is not the root of all evil and a formula-fed baby will not start growing a tail and glow in the dark! Geesh. We're here to give support and not tear down!

BSNbeauty, BSN, RN · Jun 3, 2014

I plan to attempt to do both breast and bottle with my baby ( due in December). If for whatever reason breast feeding does not work out I'm not going to let any make me feel bad about it. My coworkers and lactation specialists are not judgemental so I'm not at all worried about how they may react.

Do what is best for you. BTW- I have my own opinion about breastfeeding in general but like you, I'd never discuss my opinion with patients.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Jun 3, 2014

And now starts the annual, "Breast vs Bottle", allnurses insult/war.

MBrickle · Jun 3, 2014

This post makes me sad. As someone contemplating having a child in the very near future, my only fear is other moms and this thread exemplifies that perfectly.

Some people can't breast feed. Some don't want to. Some have to work and some don't. Others choose to work because they have a desire to. Some choose to lift weights during pregnancy, others don't (in relation to recent pregnancy CrossFit drama). I think women should do whatever will make them the best mom possible for their children. I think the relationship benefits between mother and child will far outweigh any negatives of any of the decisions a mother makes because it will make them a higher functioning family.

Nobody is disputing the absolute benefit to breast feeding, but for those of you who responded with such arrogant, condescending and judgmental comments - shame on you. Ironically, it's YOU who need to open up your minds and understand that how the world works for you is NOT how it may work for everyone else. A woman's choice not to breast feed isn't because they didn't "research" the topic, which is a particularly arrogant thing to say as we are all nurses here. Judgment is a more powerful poison than you think breast milk is, and I guarantee it does more harm.

hope3456, ASN, RN · Jun 3, 2014

I am Breast feeding my 4 y.o. while typing this. I have never been able to ween her even tho I work full time and have left her for 3-4 days at a time. It XXXXXX my husband off to no end so now she knows she can't do it in front of her dad. This kid has literally never been sick. Not sure what to do.

Honestly I didn't think I would be able to since I went back to work when she was 3 wks old and pumping didn't work for me. Everyone's situation is different.

TiffyRN, BSN, PhD · Jun 3, 2014

I am not sure what I would do if I couldn't breast feed. For me...I am uncomfortable with using another woman's breast milk...but that is just me.

Esme,

Not judging here. . . I hear your sentiments off and on in my NICU environment and not infrequently from fellow nurses. But I just don't understand it when it comes from trained healthcare professionals.

Within the context of donor human milk from banks that has tested all the donors and the milk is pasteurized. Why are people uncomfortable with their infants receiving milk from a fellow human versus from some creature several levels (on the Linnaean table) away from our own? In my book feeding an infant typical infant formula is no different than trying to feed our human infants elephant milk or chimpanzee milk. At least with the monkey milk, our genetic profiles would be closer.

Having said all that, I freely administer standard formula to my patients at work when it's needed. Passed out a lot of formula this last weekend, though happily I can say all had (were) receiving all the human milk from their mothers and the donor bank that we could muster.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jun 3, 2014

Esme,
Not judging here. . . I hear your sentiments off and on in my NICU environment and not infrequently from fellow nurses. But I just don't understand it when it comes from trained healthcare professionals.
Within the context of donor human milk from banks that has tested all the donors and the milk is pasteurized. Why are people uncomfortable with their infants receiving milk from a fellow human versus from some creature several levels (on the Linnaean table) away from our own? In my book feeding an infant typical infant formula is no different than trying to feed our human infants elephant milk or chimpanzee milk. At least with the monkey milk, our genetic profiles would be closer.
Having said all that, I freely administer standard formula to my patients at work when it's needed. Passed out a lot of formula this last weekend, though happily I can say all had (were) receiving all the human milk from their mothers and the donor bank that we could muster.

I know if my baby was in the NICU and I couldn't breast feed...I would opt for the best option to prevent NEC. If that meant human milk then I would opt for human milk. I will always chose what is best for my babies...always. Just my first thought is...unsure. I am just a bit creeped out. I never said I wouldn't do it if my baby was in a NICU.

I just think we need to be tolerant of other peoples choices. Give unbiased factual information and let them decide. To call mothers woefully ignorant and bad Moms is just not what we as nurses should do.

TiffyRN, BSN, PhD · Jun 3, 2014

Someday when I have a baby, I'm going to bottlefeed. Yeah yeah, I know all the health benefits of breastfeeding and all that. And I teach my patients that. But I also respect their decision if they choose not to breastfeed. I personally don't find it's something I want to do. Feeding formula is NOT POISON and these lactation consultants need to stop acting like it is. I was given formula when I was a baby and I turned out just fine. Nobody even knows the long-term benefits of breast milk. Working as a postpartum nurse, I feel like I'm going to be judged beyond belief for not choosing breastfeeding when I become a patient someday. It's always in the back of my mind.
Thanks for the support. And yeah, one of the reasons I don't want to breastfeed is that I won't have time to pump every 2-3 hours at work.
We can't really pinpoint the actual long term benefits of breastfeeding because so much goes into a person's overall health like genetics, lifestyle, environment, etc. Also, the World Health Organization says there's no long term benefits of breastfeeding as well.

I think what bothers some is that some here perceive that the OP is not making an informed decision due to some of the things she posts. She states she knows all the health benefits of breastfeeding but then further expounds that the long-term benefits cannot be pinpointed when this is not really what the research states.

I wish the OP luck but I fear you will face judgement from your peers. Regardless of the substance of the issue, it seems moms of every sort (even compassionate nurses) are quite harsh and judgmental. I've heard it referred to as the "mommy wars".

As for the pumping at work, even though your employer may choose to ignore the law but one of the provisions of the ACA was that breastfeeding moms have to be allowed time to pump (unpaid) as well as a designated space (not a restroom) to do so. And though everyone is different and pumping every 2-3 hours is recommended when establishing milk supply; most of the pumping moms I know maintain their milk supply just fine by pumping twice during a 12 hour shift (they were able to establish their milk supply during their maternity leave).

damrcngrl95 · Jun 3, 2014

Reduces ear infections??? I have friends who exclusively BF and both their children are under 5 and have tubes.

Yes, add me to the list of people that only breast fed my oldest son and he had constant ear infections and ended up with tubes. My attitude that I had for myself and told my daughter is.... I will not breast feed at the cost of an emotional breakdown. I had a very hard time getting my second son to breast feed and did everything I could to get him to latch on and eat. It just wasn't happening. He was always crying and I started to cry every time it was time to breast feed. I couldn't be the mom I felt he needed and continue with bf. So he went on formula. My daughter had a similar experience with her first child and was a mess.

Do I think bf is best? Yes, but it's not the end of the world if a person tries and can't nor is it the end of the world if they just formula feed from the get go. We need to support each other in these private issues. It's hard enough raising children without feeling shamed into bf when you are not wanting to do it.

Heliantus · Jun 4, 2014

Yes, add me to the list of people that only breast fed my oldest son and he had constant ear infections and ended up with tubes. My attitude that I had for myself and told my daughter is.... I will not breast feed at the cost of an emotional breakdown. I had a very hard time getting my second son to breast feed and did everything I could to get him to latch on and eat. It just wasn't happening. He was always crying and I started to cry every time it was time to breast feed. I couldn't be the mom I felt he needed and continue with bf. So he went on formula. My daughter had a similar experience with her first child and was a mess.
Do I think bf is best? Yes, but it's not the end of the world if a person tries and can't nor is it the end of the world if they just formula feed from the get go. We need to support each other in these private issues. It's hard enough raising children without feeling shamed into bf when you are not wanting to do it.

For me it's not an issue who does what with their children. I think the dilemma comes from moms that are fully capable of breastfeeding, yet choose not to. One girl I know said that her boobs will sag, pardon my language, that's not an acceptable reason for me. Again, I don't condemn anyone for not breastfeeding, it's just that I have strong opinion about it, that is all.

As a mom who breastfed I have to say that I felt like I was in a minority all of the time. When I have birth, the nurses "assumed" that I'd formula feed my child, so without asking they gave her formula, even though I never consented. Lactation nurse didn't even try to encourage or show how to properly breastfeed, even after I've requested it. I had nurses coming in bringing me boxes of formula when I specifically told them that I didn't need it. Every time I'd breastfeed in public(under a cover) Id get stares, nods and comments(some positive, but many negative). I feel like a lot of people don't even want to try to breastfeed anymore, there's formula, it's on the market, so it must be good...